24 Hours of Tears and Laughter

It started with my blood pressure check with Dr. Blechl.  My blood pressure was within normal limits but my heart rate was still fast.  The cardiologist had given me an all clear and no follow-up appointments.   Dr. Blechl said that there must be something causing the rapid heart rate and wanted to get advice from his colleagues about getting an MRI or a CT scan of my adrenal glands.  I told him I really didn't want to see any more doctors but we left it that he would be in touch with me.  I have not heard from him.  I really don't want to hear from him.  But if there is something wrong, I should know.  And from the little reading I have done, this could be a cause of my frequent insomnia.

Laura and her family arrived at a little before 5 pm.  They flew into Indy and will be spending a few days with Michael's family there.  Once they arrived, there was no time to think about anything but them!  The kids explored our basement toys--especially Jim's train set and my floor piano.



We had an amazingly civil family dinner around the dining room table with eight of us.   Jim said a prayer and then little A burst into "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace good will to men."  What a lovely spontaneous prayer.  And then we went all out with our third prayer and said the usual "God is great. God is good..." I took one taste of the quiche I fixed for the grown-ups and realized I'd forgotten to put in the Swiss cheese.  I really missed it.  Others were good and ate up--even taking seconds.

Jim and I left briefly to attend the visitation for Gary Knoppers, a colleague at Notre Dame.  I gasped when I saw Laura, his wife, standing next to the coffin.   I wanted to remember seeing Gary at Martin's and chatting there a few weeks earlier.  But the casket was closed and mine will be too someday.  I made Jim promise.  We hugged Laura and were able to meet and express our sympathy to his grown children too.

Once home again I sang many songs to A and R in their beds and rejoiced to hear A calm down to the steady breathing of sleep.  I challenged J to a game of Scrabble and we battled for quite a while until Laura called time at 10 pm and J beat me by two points.  The kids all slept very well in unfamiliar places.

Jim made pancakes and more pancakes and the few leftovers were carried out the door in the kids' hands for the long ride back to Indy.

As soon as they left,  Jim and I went to Gary's  Requiem Eucharist at St. Michael and All Angels Episcopal Church.  It was a formal service of liturgy, a homily, and communion.  When the casket was escorted out followed by Laura and her son and daughter, the finality of it all was brought home.  I left with tears in my eyes.

We're back to our quiet life for a week now until we leave for St. Pete Beach.  Today is so cold and blustery that the relative warmth and sun of Florida sounds pretty good.

2 1/2 Weeks on the East Coast--Finale

Tuesday afternoon--We got word via an email from Linda Hanstra that Morgan Bolt passed away at 10 am.  Marv and Linda and Christina were with him throughout the previous night.  Linda Bolt texted me later saying he had died "peacefully and gently."  A long ordeal is over.  He left a legacy in his book Cancer Just Is which I finished this week and greatly appreciated.

Tuesday evening--Dan and Alex drove from Manhattan using the car belonging to Alex's mother.  It took longer than anticipated--although the Lincoln Tunnel approach is always a problem.  So because they knew dinner would be later, Jeff and Susan went out to get a tree.  It was fun to watch our young'uns struggle with a big tree now that we have gone to table tops--and sadly, this year, maybe none at all.

We had a great family dinner with eight of us around the table.  It was good to have the Princeton VKs meet Alex and Alex meet them!  We all left around 10--Jim and I with a ten minute commute; Dan and Alex with at least an hour--but traffic was minimal at that time.

Wednesday--we met a realtor at 24 Mountain Avenue, just off SR 206 and right across from the park where Laura and Michael had their wedding reception.  As we drove there, I told Jim it would be easier if we did not like the townhouse we were seeing.  But...we did.  It had lots of space with big rooms, an attached garage, and a basement.  It was light and airy and newly painted.  The problems?  possibly 206 traffic noise and steps and more steps as it was a three story townhouse.  We wouldn't have to downsize so drastically and Jim could have a study designated just for his work.

At 3:30 we left for the 5 pm pageant rehearsal at Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church--an hour's drive plus a stop for gas.  We arrived at the church after 5:15!  The traffic was terrible and the bright sun was low and right in our eyes.  But all was worth it when we saw R and J and heard S read his passage from the Christmas story ending with "Mary treasured all these things and  pondered them in her heart."  We joined G,  the nanny, who had made soup and salad and grilled cheese sandwiches.  The ride home took an hour or less.

Thursday--a very quiet day.  We didn't see any of the family.  We made a Target and CVS trip, walked along the Delaware-Raritan Canal in Kingston, and ordered take-out from Ruby Tuesday.

Friday--Jeff and Susan met us at 24 Mountain Avenue to check out the townhouse.  At 1 pm we left for Gladwyne and by 4:30 everyone was gathered together for munching, singing Christmas carols, opening gifts, and eating tenderloin and ham and Susan's wonderful biscuits.  A could not get settled down afterwards--too much excitement and chocolate probably.

Saturday--J and A joined us in our bed before 7 am.  We were on the road by 8 and were close to home by 7 pm.  It was an easy ride.  We stopped at Whole Foods where we were still able to get our little table top tree and a few good things for breakfast.

The two weeks gave us so many good memories and it was so good to be near our children and grandchildren.  Jim said he had a better feeling about moving to Princeton and we both have an idea of what is available for rent.  The action plan now is to continue to get rid of stuff and to talk to a realtor in late January.  We decided the Mountain Avenue townhouse was not right for us and we were not prepared to sign a lease for February 1. For now, we are glad to be home again.

2 1/2 Weeks on the East Coast--Week Two

Tuesday evening we had a very pleasant dinner at Ruth's Chris at the Westin Forrestal Village.  The menu was just the same as our own Ruth's Chris in Granger and I ordered my usual petite filet and it was terrific.  It was our Christmas gift for a festively dressed Jeff and Susan.  Michael was at a long jazz band rehearsal so he was otherwise occupied.

Wednesday we visited the Princeton Library where I  love browsing the book sale.  And, as always, I left with three volumes for $6.  We stopped at McCaffreys Grocery where we now have our own phone number account.  We belong!  Around 4 pm we checked out the addresses of four townhomes that were listed for rent--all between Canal Pointe Road and Mercer Street.  That was enlightening as we encountered terrible traffic already that early in the afternoon amidst miles of condos and apartments.  It had no appeal for us.

We spoke honestly about our preferences that evening.  Jim said he was tired of being a home owner, would like to sell our house and move into an apartment in South Bend.  He feels downsizing now would make it easier to move to Princeton later.  I disagreed saying that if we stayed in South Bend, I would want to stay in our home and just move once.

Thursday we managed finally to get to Trader Joe's which is very visible from Route 1 but not easy to access.  We bought my favorite chocolate truffle bars, some wine, and a few other sundries.  We also went to Nordstrom's Rack where I found a larger purse to accommodate my many pairs of glasses!

We walked at Mapleton Preserve which turned out to be the remains of a large nursery operation with a derelict greenhouse and storage facilities.  We joined Jeff and Susan for a roast chicken supper.  Katie was home and was still finishing one paper to be handed in on Friday.
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Friday was our day for NYC.  It is rarely easy to get into the city and sadly I don't feel the adrenaline rush I used to get when I stepped out of Penn Station onto 7th Avenue.  It took an Uber ride, NJ Transit, a walk to Herald Square, a ride on the crowded Q subway, and another walk to get to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center where we met the Bolts, one by one, as they kept vigil by the bedside of their dying son Morgan.  We were able to deliver hugs and love from so many back in South Bend.

We summoned another Uber ride (after failing to hail a taxi) and rode through crowded streets to the Met Museum where we met Alex and Dan.  I bought Alex a Met membership as our Christmas gift--and my commitment to her relationship with Dan who can be her guest!  We admired the Christmas tree and then toured the Dutch masters exhibit which was pretty awesome with its Vermeers, Rembrandts, Hals, and other lesser known painters.

A rainy 20 minute walk brought us to Uskudar Turkish Restaurant where Alex ordered the Meze platter for an appetizer and the Mixed Grill for our entree.  Dan chose a great Turkish wine and it was their treat.  There was plenty to share and it was a good adventure in eating for me.

It was the Q train and NJ Transit again with no wait at all at Penn Station, and then a taxi back to Homewood Suites at midnight.

Saturday--a quiet day was what we needed.  Susan and I made banket using almond paste ordered from VanderVeen's Dutch Store in Grand Rapids.  We headed back "home" for a few hours and watched Notre Dame beat Purdue in basketball and then joined Jeff for pizza and more football.  The rest of the family went to a Pentatonix concert in Philly.

Sunday--We parked on Nassau Street--free on Sundays until 1 pm--and walked to Nassau Presbyterian Church.  We joined the Moorheads in their pew for a good service.  The end of the sermon left me in tears however as the final words were "Come, Lord Jesus, Come quickly" and I knew that was the prayer we needed to pray for Morgan.

Later in the afternoon we drove through heavy rain and wet pavement to Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church where Laura sang with the Sanctuary Choir and the Chamber Choir.  The program was lovely but rather long.  I admired the kids for patiently sitting through it.

 It was back to Laura's for cookie cutting with dough made the day before.  All four kids participated so it was worth the effort!   Michael had some very large and delicious shrimp to snack on and then we had tenderloin and cauliflower and brussel sprouts for dinner.  The ride back was much easier and we were back at the hotel by 9:30.

Monday--Susan took us on a road trip to see several lovely villages along the Delaware River with the idea that we could re-locate between Princeton and Gladwyne.  The ride was lovely and the villages quaint and historic,  but that is probably not right for us.   We enjoyed lunch at an "historic" Princeton eatery, PJ's Pancake House, with Katie and Susan.

 At 5 pm Susan skillfully drove the van to Philly for Michael's Prep-Jazz Orchestra concert at Chris' Jazz Cafe--right in the middle of downtown.  The traffic was terrible   The parking lot was full.  We had interesting meals as we waited for the show to begin.  What fun to see Michael on his trombone making great music!  The ride home (Jeff's turn) was far easier.

Tuesday--our second week is over.  I shopped with Katie at Old Navy for her Christmas present so when she opens in a few days, she can exclaim, "Grandma, how did you know what I wanted?" I drove for the first time in NJ traffic.

At this point we do not have clarification or agreement as to what we should do about moving.  We have eliminated some options. We have appreciated how great it is to be near the kids and grandkids.  But we also appreciate much of our life in South Bend.

2 1/2 Weeks on the East Coast-Week One

The Choo Choo Barn

Tuesday morning Jim participated in the last doctoral defense for which he was the director at Notre Dame.  By noon we were on the road with our car packed with our own belongings but also boxes of childhood memories for Laura and Jeff as well as trophies and an ill-fated box of Barbie and Ken dolls.

We stopped at our usual Holiday Inn Express in Streetsboro, Ohio,  and had supper at our usual Ruby Tuesday.  It was a pleasant journey accompanied by a CD of Handel's Messiah.  The next day's journey was not as easy as intermittent snow and the always present trucks made visibility poor.

 Laura's children had a birthday treat to share with us but had to wait while we were parked on I 76 for about 20 minutes because one of us thought he knew better than Apple maps which showed a red line and directed us off the road.  I've already written about the birthday dinner and celebrations.  Oh, the Barbie doll box.  Laura opened it and said, "We have a problem."  There were mouse droppings and evidence that the little creature had eaten the faces of two of the Barbie dolls--leaving the Ken dolls alone.  It was sad to throw them into the trash.  I bleached and washed the surviving dolls and clothes the next morning.

Sadly, that wonderful six course birthday dinner had me sitting up in our bedroom at 1 am hoping I was not going to lose some of it.

We left Gladwyne around one and checked into our home for the next two weeks at Homewood Suites Room 406.  Jeff and Susan and Michael joined us for a fun dinner at Ruby Tuesday,  a short walk from our hotel.

Friday was a day of exploring apartments.  We had a ten am tour at Avalon and a noon tour at Copperwood.  Both were lovely but different.  Copperwood was set in the woods and Avalon in a more urban setting.  In fact Avalon even charges $150 a month for parking one car.  We liked what we saw but I felt overwhelmed by the thought of downsizing into a two bedroom apartment--even if they did have walk-in closets and spacious rooms.

Michael had a new video game

A privilege and an example of a plus for our moving to Princeton was that I cooked supper for 15 year old Michael while Jeff and Susan went to their holiday party.

 And then the next morning we drove back to Gladwyne and enjoyed the Choo Choo Barn in Lancaster County with Laura's family.

Saturday evening  I felt sick again with miserable stomach pains that lasted most of the night. So Sunday we didn't do much of anything including eating and I began to feel better.
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Monday was a good day here in Princeton.  We did three loads of laundry at Jeff and Susan's.  We attempted to buy a table top tree at Whole Foods like we do at home but they didn't have any more so we got a lovely poinsettia.  We went to our friends from NCSU days--Jim and Cynthia Moorhead--and had a delicious chicken soup and croissants lunch along with lots of conversation.  If we move here to be with family, we will have friends too!  Then it was nap time for me--thanks to a wake-up call from someone who seemed to be showering in our room at 5:55 am but must have been next door!  Homewood Suites offers drinks and snacks from 5-7 pm so we helped ourselves to a glass of wine and veggies and cheese and crackers.

And then Susan and I went to a Messiah Sing-a-Long at Princeton University Chapel.  We were accompanied by a very good orchestra and led by Penna Rose, an expert and forgiving director,  and we sang "lustily and in good time" as Wesley put it.  I used my score from college days; Susan downloaded one on her ipad!  A tenor and counter-tenor were excellent; the other student soloists were weaker but also good.  Meanwhile, the fellas watched Monday night football.

Jim can work anywhere!

Last night was one of those nights that make us aware that we do need two bedrooms as Jim's snoring bothered me and my snoring bothered him!  The 5 am showerer was a little later this morning and I slept right through Jim's shower.  We're ready for a quiet day of getting gas and a car wash and a determination to take a good walk on another sunny day.  And then tonight, our Christmas gift to Jeff and Susan--and to us--a dinner at Ruth's Chris.

So it is now almost one week away from home.  For me there isn't much clarification on our potential move.  It has been so lovely to pop in at Jeff and Susan's--to see Susan and Michael at the grocery store--to go to an event with Susan and to chat with her about the kids--to share in Laura's family's life for two special events with more scheduled.  We're making plans to go into NYC and Dan will come here twice as well.

But I can't close my eyes and picture us in Avalon or Copperwood Apartments--living in luxury but on a floor with so many others and in just a few rooms.  It is a big decision that doesn't have to be made tomorrow or next week, but will need to be made at some point.

Laura is 40!

40 years ago yesterday we welcomed Laura Ruth Vanderkam into our lives.  Her first name was similar to my mother's name Lyda (which my mother never liked!) and her middle name was the same as Jim's mother's middle name. She was my littlest baby at 7 pounds 2 ounces and after she was born,  I was so thrilled that I told Jim we should have six more!

That didn't last.  By the time Laura was three weeks old, she weighed ten pounds and I was exhausted.  That exhaustion lasted for two years and the sleepless nights made me struggle with depression.  Laura would not take a bottle.  The hours that I worked could be long ones for Jim--and Laura too!  I sometimes fantasized about breaking a leg so I could go to a hospital and rest.

But she was such a pleasant cheerful baby during the day.  By the time she was two years old, she was speaking long sentences and singing songs like "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New You!"  That was very appropriate for me at the time!

Right after that Christmas, we traded lives with Peter and Else Coxon and their two boys.  This meant we lived in their house in St. Andrews, Scotland and Jim taught at the university there.  They lived in our house in Raleigh, North Carolina and Peter taught at NCSU.  It was a time for a happy new me! It was a wonderful season in a beautiful place of the world.  Laura became a little Scottish lassie as she gained vocabulary like nappies and crisps.

As she grew up, Laura had many interests and in some ways we could have predicted her future as a writer and a public speaker.  She loved writing and wrote volumes.  She loved singing and dancing on stage and was in church and school and community productions.  I don't know that we would have predicted a fairly early marriage for her and subsequently four children.  She was certainly a very independent young woman!  However she tops her list of accomplishments at age 40 with marrying a good man and having spirited children!  There were many professional accomplishments as well with several books, a Ted talk, a blog and a weekly podcast.  Soon there will be a daily five minute podcast on productivity sponsored by her publisher Penguin Press.

So many memories.  My gift to her was a photo album I entitled Life of Laura.  I really made it for her children so they could enjoy seeing their mother as a very rotund infant, a swim team member, a cheerleader, a dancer in fish net stockings, a bride and a mother of each one of them as a newborn.  I think they did enjoy it.

To celebrate we had a lovely six course dinner thanks to Michael at a place in downtown Philly called Talulah's Daily.  It was chef's choice with seasonal features and it was unusual and delicious.

We felt very grateful to be able to be here to celebrate with Laura and her family.  May she have many more happy, healthy, productive years!