Impatience and the Patient

No glasses

I am now up to 16 doctors appointments since August 1 and there are at least four more scheduled before November 15.  We have had to cancel our trip to the East coast because of the cardiologist's advice. Most of these however have been because of the cataract surgeries and my continued poor vision.  Last Friday afternoon Dr. R, the optometrist, said he thought there was scar tissue and he would get me in to Dr. C, the ophthalmologist and my cataract surgeon, as soon as he could.  I was so impatient all weekend worrying that I would not be able to get in to see the very busy Dr. C for weeks.  But I was grateful to be given an 8 am appointment for the next day. I was so hoping that another zap with the laser would take care of the problem and it would be quick and easy.

But, no, that was not the case.  Dr. C said the primary problem was inflammation, which I thought Dr. R had checked and said was out.  I am on steroid drops for a week and will see Dr. C again.   I want to see better now!  I am tired of the strain of trying to see.  I am tired of being unable to drive and having to ask Jim, who is very patient, to take me places.  But all this impatience doesn't do me any good.  Today my blood pressure (measured twice at CVS and Martin's) is very high--which may or may not be a result of stress.   And I was just beginning to relax about blood pressure and the tachycardia which seemed within normal limits after further testing last week.

Yesterday, M came to our house for the third week because I couldn't drive to church to meet her for our reading lesson.  She brought in a devotion she liked called "Impatience."  She even printed it up in large print for my sake and read it for me and read it beautifully.  I got a bit emotional because it was so timely and because after two years of meeting, she can read enough to begin to enjoy reading and to share it with others--including her teacher!

Later today I read a new Caring Bridge post from the young wife of a former Notre Dame graduate student that we got to know quite well.  She has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma after two years of struggling with a painful skin condition.  It looks like it is very curable but she is facing a long period of chemotherapy.  She is unhappy that it took so long to figure out her problems but is facing it with courage.  I admire her greatly.  How will I ever be strong enough when the inevitable decline and disease of our advancing years comes?  I am so impatient even with relatively minor problems.   I have a lot to learn about patience and courage and a calm spirit.

I continue to be grateful for my "soul sisters" in my Tuesday AM Bible Study.  They pray for me.  I pray for them too!  My kids have texted and emailed.  Other friends and my sister have called or texted or emailed.  Jim has been very loving. I don't particularly like the tune of The Servant's Song but when we sang it in church Sunday (and I could barely make out the words on the screen), I got teary thinking about those who have supported me.

We are pilgrims on the journey

We are travellers on the road

We are here to help each other

Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you

In the night time of your fear

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping

When you laugh, I'll laugh with you

I will share your joy and sorrow

Till we've seen this journey through.