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Marilyn Robinson
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 | Betty Smith | |||||||
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Wendell Berry
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Nell Freudenberger
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,
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Shaun Bythell
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Rumer Godden
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Laura Vanderkam
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Jack Goldsmith
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Patrick Modiano
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*
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Emma Donoghue
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Sarah Delany
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Jessamyn West
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Melissa Harrison
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*
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Alexander McCall Smith
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Lewis Smedes
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Amor Towles
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Patrick Modiano
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Adam Plantinga
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Keigo Higoshina
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*
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Michael Connelly
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Martin Amis
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Nicholas Walterstorff
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Wendell Berry
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Tuesday, December 17, 2019
My Five Star Books for 2019
I have been reading many book lists from various publications for the end of the year or even the end of the decade. I decided to look up my five star books as listed on Goodreads to put into my Blog2Print book this year. A favorite genre is probably memoirs. And mysteries. Several books were rereads--Having Our Say and Gilead and My God and I. Others were by authors I know or have had some personal connection--Swartz, Walterstorff, Plantinga, and Vanderkam, of course! There are some authors who come up every year--Connelly, Berry, Modiano. There are 26 books listed--one for every two weeks. Lots of good reading from local libraries and often from Better World Books. (Don't know why the formatting looks so bad--when I try to edit it, it looks fine.)
Relief
I try to say each day upon awakening "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." But the last few weeks it has been hard for me to feel anything but fear and worry as I awaited a medical procedure and biopsy result. I don't want to go into details but last week the ultrasound I had showed that I did not have uterine cancer (95% certain, said the doctor--good enough!) and just yesterday the biopsy result came back for a skin disease found incidentally for which I had no symptoms and it was negative. I need treatment--maybe for the rest of my life--but that is OK. For now, I don't need any surgery which looked like it would have been pretty ugly.
I had to wait two weeks for the biopsy and it was so hard not to think of the worst. This weekend I noticed that my Thursday appointment for the results was not listed on the Women's Health Center portal so I called yesterday and they did not have it recorded. Somebody forgot to "save" it when she made the appointment--I had the card written out. So they wondered if I could come in earlier this week. Sure I could if they had the biopsy results. They did but they could not tell me because they were not "clinical" staff. So I was able to see Dr. Maria Sophocles yesterday afternoon, the lovely doctor I saw twice two weeks ago. I had to wait only six hours, not three more days, for the results. My heart was pounding and I was very anxious.
Jim went into the room with me and we learned very quickly that there was no cancer. Dr. Sophocles discussed treatment and we chose the one she recommended deciding that cost would not be a factor. If I had asked how much the laser treatment was, I wondered if I would have chose that, but we went ahead and she was able to do it right away--and I paid for the first one of three at the desk later, thankful that we are not short of funds. I will have to have six month check ups for the rest of my life but that is OK. I like Dr. Sophocles a lot and I can deal with this--far better than the potential cancer surgery. How I wish Jim had gotten the same news a few weeks ago.
Dr. Sophocles is very interested in connecting with Laura because she has started a podcast on menopausal issues. She would love for Laura to be a guest on her podcast speaking about time management and she could be a guest speaking on "Making a Baby" on Laura's podcast. She actually gave me her cell phone number and private email to facilitate connecting with Laura I thought that was very trusting of her. I won't abuse that privilege. I like her a lot and found her so kind and affirming and informative.
I feel a burden lifted. This week I can go to choir rehearsal and a performance at another assisted living center without this worry in the back of my mind--or truthfully, in the front of my mind. I know we are 73 and we can't live forever, so these health issues are going to happen. But for today I feel very thankful and relieved and I hope more able to think of others and not just myself.
I had to wait two weeks for the biopsy and it was so hard not to think of the worst. This weekend I noticed that my Thursday appointment for the results was not listed on the Women's Health Center portal so I called yesterday and they did not have it recorded. Somebody forgot to "save" it when she made the appointment--I had the card written out. So they wondered if I could come in earlier this week. Sure I could if they had the biopsy results. They did but they could not tell me because they were not "clinical" staff. So I was able to see Dr. Maria Sophocles yesterday afternoon, the lovely doctor I saw twice two weeks ago. I had to wait only six hours, not three more days, for the results. My heart was pounding and I was very anxious.
Jim went into the room with me and we learned very quickly that there was no cancer. Dr. Sophocles discussed treatment and we chose the one she recommended deciding that cost would not be a factor. If I had asked how much the laser treatment was, I wondered if I would have chose that, but we went ahead and she was able to do it right away--and I paid for the first one of three at the desk later, thankful that we are not short of funds. I will have to have six month check ups for the rest of my life but that is OK. I like Dr. Sophocles a lot and I can deal with this--far better than the potential cancer surgery. How I wish Jim had gotten the same news a few weeks ago.
Dr. Sophocles is very interested in connecting with Laura because she has started a podcast on menopausal issues. She would love for Laura to be a guest on her podcast speaking about time management and she could be a guest speaking on "Making a Baby" on Laura's podcast. She actually gave me her cell phone number and private email to facilitate connecting with Laura I thought that was very trusting of her. I won't abuse that privilege. I like her a lot and found her so kind and affirming and informative.
I feel a burden lifted. This week I can go to choir rehearsal and a performance at another assisted living center without this worry in the back of my mind--or truthfully, in the front of my mind. I know we are 73 and we can't live forever, so these health issues are going to happen. But for today I feel very thankful and relieved and I hope more able to think of others and not just myself.
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Singing Again
During our years in South Bend, I sang in our church choir which tended to meet only during Advent or Lent--and then often, I accompanied them. I sang for one year or so in the SB Symphonic Choir and then I did a Notre Dame conducting class in which we were there for the student conductors to practice on. Oh, and the Collegium for a year or two under Daniel Stowe--the Renaissance music choir--very challenging--and we did perform each semester. But there was no long-term choir commitment during those years.
However in the last few weeks I have joined two choirs of very different sorts. The Grace Notes Choir is made up of retirees--or at least older folk like me. I wondered how bad it might sound--but we sound pretty good I think. Our director Noel Werner chooses appropriate music and rehearses us well. This week we sang advent music for a communion service at Stonebridge, a senior citizen community. It was a wonderful worshipful service and I was very glad to be a part of it.
I also have gone to two rehearsals on Wednesday evening of the Nassau Presbyterian Church Choir also led by Noel Werner. Now, this one is a challenge. Last week we sang a Rachmaninoff anthem in Church Slavonic for the Sunday service. We are learning Bach's Christmas Oratorio and several anthems ranging from medieval to very contemporary styles. It is two hours of absolute concentration and challenge. To my great pleasure, the alto section leader said "You've sung the Bach Oratorio before" and was surprised when I said I was sight reading.
I was assigned a choir robe and it probably was the first time in 29 years that I was robed--since we left White Memorial Presbyterian Church in Raleigh.
I am commited to sing for at least the month of December and that may make our decision easier about which church to join. I do already feel that the choir would make a good "small group" in such a big church--much like it was at WMPC. I hope I can be alert enough to sing for a 10 pm Christmas Eve service.
This morning I wrote Noel to thank him and praise him for his work. I boldly attached the "hymn testimony" I gave at our South Bend Church last spring and he wrote back to say he was going to file my email and attachment away for when he needed encouragement. I was so glad I followed my impulse to email him--and to send the attachment. Once again I was reminded that even those who are real pros in their fields can use a word of praise. I may need to include my "hymn testimony" as a separate blog because it does tell how important music is to me and to my faith.
In this time of too many medical issues that are making me very anxious, it has been a gift to be able to be distracted and challenged by singing.
Jim no longer has to be the responsible parent like he was the many Sunday mornings I sang in Raleigh but he has been the designated driver dropping me off for rehearsals, going to the seminary or university library, and then picking me up afterward. And he is the appreciative spouse after the singing both at church and at the senior community.
However in the last few weeks I have joined two choirs of very different sorts. The Grace Notes Choir is made up of retirees--or at least older folk like me. I wondered how bad it might sound--but we sound pretty good I think. Our director Noel Werner chooses appropriate music and rehearses us well. This week we sang advent music for a communion service at Stonebridge, a senior citizen community. It was a wonderful worshipful service and I was very glad to be a part of it.
I also have gone to two rehearsals on Wednesday evening of the Nassau Presbyterian Church Choir also led by Noel Werner. Now, this one is a challenge. Last week we sang a Rachmaninoff anthem in Church Slavonic for the Sunday service. We are learning Bach's Christmas Oratorio and several anthems ranging from medieval to very contemporary styles. It is two hours of absolute concentration and challenge. To my great pleasure, the alto section leader said "You've sung the Bach Oratorio before" and was surprised when I said I was sight reading.I was assigned a choir robe and it probably was the first time in 29 years that I was robed--since we left White Memorial Presbyterian Church in Raleigh.
I am commited to sing for at least the month of December and that may make our decision easier about which church to join. I do already feel that the choir would make a good "small group" in such a big church--much like it was at WMPC. I hope I can be alert enough to sing for a 10 pm Christmas Eve service.
This morning I wrote Noel to thank him and praise him for his work. I boldly attached the "hymn testimony" I gave at our South Bend Church last spring and he wrote back to say he was going to file my email and attachment away for when he needed encouragement. I was so glad I followed my impulse to email him--and to send the attachment. Once again I was reminded that even those who are real pros in their fields can use a word of praise. I may need to include my "hymn testimony" as a separate blog because it does tell how important music is to me and to my faith.
In this time of too many medical issues that are making me very anxious, it has been a gift to be able to be distracted and challenged by singing.
Jim no longer has to be the responsible parent like he was the many Sunday mornings I sang in Raleigh but he has been the designated driver dropping me off for rehearsals, going to the seminary or university library, and then picking me up afterward. And he is the appreciative spouse after the singing both at church and at the senior community.
Thursday, November 21, 2019
An ER Visit
When we complained about how many doctors we have seen since moving to Princeton, Susan (our daughter-in-law) said that at least we had not been introduced to Princeton Medical Center's ER. Well, now we have.
We were at the Princeton High School Jazz Cafe Friday night where Michael was playing his trombone with his band. It was hot, Jim was standing up for an hour and had not removed his coat, he had golfed that day and not remembered his water, and he started to feel bad. We got him seated but it was clear he was fast fading from us.
Jeff called around for help from a doctor--and a couple of parents who were medical personnel wanted him on the floor in the hall. At that point, it was very clear he was out of it. I felt for his pulse on his neck and felt his breath so I knew he didn't need CPR.
Susan was quickly calling 911. Cathleen, a nurse, asked if I was his wife and told me to try to get him to respond to me. I sat down next to him and by that time, I think, he was saying that he was feeling better.
Two EMT fellows came and brought him to the ER over his objections but with our blessing. Jeff and I followed in his car. We spent the next 3 1/2 hours there and Jim was admitted, again over his objections, for observation.
All tests--bloodwork, CAT scan, and EKG, were fine. It's not the first time Jim has fainted when dehydrated--which was probably the cause. Syncopy for unknown causes--the diagnosis.
I spent the night at Jeff and Susan's lest I need to go back to the hospital. In the morning, I picked Jim up and we were home by noon.
It was all very frightening and I find that now, almost a week later, I can close my eyes and not see the blank look on his face. I had a few moments of thinking that it was Good-bye right there in the halls of Princeton High School.
Jim will remember to drink water. He was told he could add more salt to his diet-while I try to eliminate it from mine! He doesn't need to see a cardiologist unless it happens again. Maybe it won't. But it was pretty scary when it did--for me and for Jeff and Susan.
Saturday night we sat in our living room, quietly watching football with a fire going in the gas fireplace.
It was time to be treasured--far better than Room 07 in ER or PO 20 in the hospital--even if everyone we met was very kind and competent.
We were at the Princeton High School Jazz Cafe Friday night where Michael was playing his trombone with his band. It was hot, Jim was standing up for an hour and had not removed his coat, he had golfed that day and not remembered his water, and he started to feel bad. We got him seated but it was clear he was fast fading from us.
Jeff called around for help from a doctor--and a couple of parents who were medical personnel wanted him on the floor in the hall. At that point, it was very clear he was out of it. I felt for his pulse on his neck and felt his breath so I knew he didn't need CPR.
Susan was quickly calling 911. Cathleen, a nurse, asked if I was his wife and told me to try to get him to respond to me. I sat down next to him and by that time, I think, he was saying that he was feeling better.
Two EMT fellows came and brought him to the ER over his objections but with our blessing. Jeff and I followed in his car. We spent the next 3 1/2 hours there and Jim was admitted, again over his objections, for observation.
All tests--bloodwork, CAT scan, and EKG, were fine. It's not the first time Jim has fainted when dehydrated--which was probably the cause. Syncopy for unknown causes--the diagnosis.
I spent the night at Jeff and Susan's lest I need to go back to the hospital. In the morning, I picked Jim up and we were home by noon.
It was all very frightening and I find that now, almost a week later, I can close my eyes and not see the blank look on his face. I had a few moments of thinking that it was Good-bye right there in the halls of Princeton High School.
Jim will remember to drink water. He was told he could add more salt to his diet-while I try to eliminate it from mine! He doesn't need to see a cardiologist unless it happens again. Maybe it won't. But it was pretty scary when it did--for me and for Jeff and Susan.
Saturday night we sat in our living room, quietly watching football with a fire going in the gas fireplace.It was time to be treasured--far better than Room 07 in ER or PO 20 in the hospital--even if everyone we met was very kind and competent.
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Cancer
I have not been in a blogging mood. It has been a difficult month as we have begun to live with the big C word--Cancer.
Our PCP did a routine blood test for Jim and included a PSA test which our doctor in South Bend would not have done for anyone over the age of 70. The score was high so Jim saw a urologist and had a biopsy. The biopsy showed cancer in enough sites and with a high enough Gleason rating that he recommended radiation. We saw a radiation oncologist at a site dedicated to prostate cancer and Jim will most likely begin eight weeks of daily radiation in February. Everyone seemed to agree it was fine to postpone it until then so we could go on our planned two week holiday in St. Pete Beach, Florida in January.
So, November 6, the day the urologist gave us the biopsy results, is the day that marks a new "season of our lives" as Pastor Sharyl Dixon labeled it when i asked her to meet with me. I feel angry with the PCP for doing a test without asking our permission and she did apologize saying everyone always said Yes when she asked. Maybe Jim would have; maybe I would not have done so because I knew it was not advised for men over 70. The "cure" can be more life changing than the disease because it is slow progressing usually and many older men have it but die of other causes.
But it is done and we are on a new journey in our lives. 44 treatments--but we do not have the pressure of work so that is not the problem. And Jim has every hope of it not having spread. The urologist pointed out that men live longer these days so it is more worth treating. I just hope the side effects are not too hard for Jim. One scary one is that he has to give up his RA miracle drug methotrexate for the duration and I hope that doesn't mean pain from RA again.
Cancer is a scary word and we have to accept the idea that we are aging and our bodies are aging and that we are not going to live forever. Jim is pretty cool about all of this. I was very anxious before the biopsy results but at least now we know where we are and what has to be done.
I have my own issues and difficulties with the PCP and that causes me more stress. I hope to find another one after I get results from the last test I have done. I need someone who doesn't make me feel like I am a bad person because I have insomnia, drink a glass of wine with supper, and get stressed. She thinks Jim is a "best patient" but I left her in tears the last time. I know I need to be told to eat fewer carbs etc. but of all the doctors we have met here, and there have been many, she is the only one to make me feel so bad and to send me out with five other things to do.
To be continued. May the next blog be more upbeat! I hesitated to write this one but I think my limited amount of readers already know about this episode in our lives and have supported me already through their emails and calls.
Our PCP did a routine blood test for Jim and included a PSA test which our doctor in South Bend would not have done for anyone over the age of 70. The score was high so Jim saw a urologist and had a biopsy. The biopsy showed cancer in enough sites and with a high enough Gleason rating that he recommended radiation. We saw a radiation oncologist at a site dedicated to prostate cancer and Jim will most likely begin eight weeks of daily radiation in February. Everyone seemed to agree it was fine to postpone it until then so we could go on our planned two week holiday in St. Pete Beach, Florida in January.
So, November 6, the day the urologist gave us the biopsy results, is the day that marks a new "season of our lives" as Pastor Sharyl Dixon labeled it when i asked her to meet with me. I feel angry with the PCP for doing a test without asking our permission and she did apologize saying everyone always said Yes when she asked. Maybe Jim would have; maybe I would not have done so because I knew it was not advised for men over 70. The "cure" can be more life changing than the disease because it is slow progressing usually and many older men have it but die of other causes.
But it is done and we are on a new journey in our lives. 44 treatments--but we do not have the pressure of work so that is not the problem. And Jim has every hope of it not having spread. The urologist pointed out that men live longer these days so it is more worth treating. I just hope the side effects are not too hard for Jim. One scary one is that he has to give up his RA miracle drug methotrexate for the duration and I hope that doesn't mean pain from RA again.
Cancer is a scary word and we have to accept the idea that we are aging and our bodies are aging and that we are not going to live forever. Jim is pretty cool about all of this. I was very anxious before the biopsy results but at least now we know where we are and what has to be done.
I have my own issues and difficulties with the PCP and that causes me more stress. I hope to find another one after I get results from the last test I have done. I need someone who doesn't make me feel like I am a bad person because I have insomnia, drink a glass of wine with supper, and get stressed. She thinks Jim is a "best patient" but I left her in tears the last time. I know I need to be told to eat fewer carbs etc. but of all the doctors we have met here, and there have been many, she is the only one to make me feel so bad and to send me out with five other things to do.
To be continued. May the next blog be more upbeat! I hesitated to write this one but I think my limited amount of readers already know about this episode in our lives and have supported me already through their emails and calls.
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Moving into 231 State Road
We moved into Jeff and Susan's on Friday, October 25 after they left for a ten day trip to Durham, NC and then on to Honolulu, Hawaii for a conference for Susan and a few vacation days. I am so glad they can do this and that they trust us with Michael who is very self-sufficient but needs transportation and his food allergies do add a certain worry to our supervision of him. I don't want to accidentally expose him to eggs or dairy although we reviewed the use of an epipen and the need to call 911 afterward.
This morning was typical. Jim set an alarm, got up first, and reminded M to get going. Jim made sure I was awake but because I was fasting to do blood work, it didn't take long to get ready. We dropped M off at Princeton High School and joined the hundreds of others on the roads. I called the doctor's office to say we were stuck in traffic but they seemed unconcerned and of course, I still had to wait to give my blood. Afterwards, we headed up State Road 206 to Burger King to treat ourselves to French toast sticks for Jim and a sausage-egg biscuit for me. We missed it and got caught in endless traffic heading back between the three traffic lights along the way. But the breakfast was delicious after a fast in particular. We avoided the detour signs for road closings on SR 518 and went to our apartment for mail, laundry and showers. I took the car back into Kingston to practice the organ for an hour at Kingston Presbyterian Church. Jim worked in his study. 
We had lunch--even if the milk was sour and the chips bags were down to scraps. We don't have the hang of living in two places and find what we need (shaver, hair dryer, t-shirts) are often at the other place! I think in some ways, it is easier to pack for a 700 mile trip than a 4 mile trip!
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