None of this will affect my confortable life directly but I despair for our country and feel so powerless.
About ten days ago I began having pain in the middle of my back. Jim went to our small group from church alone while I stayed home tethered to my heating pad. Happily, the pain went away after two or three days. But it came back the following Monday. I went to the small group and chose a seat where there was a pillow behind my back. I was not comfortable but I did it. I went to Grace Notes Choir the next day as well--with some tension, but I did it.
Thursday I sent a message to my primary care physician on our portal. Sadly, he was out until November 18. I was told to call to see someone else or to find a back doctor. I went to United Health Care and looked for a doctor who would take our insurance. The first one I called sent me to another practice and that practice said they couldn't see me until late November and then they would no longer take our insurance after December 1.
I called our primary care people at Montgomery Internal Medicine and they gave me an appointment with Sylvia Okoji, a nurse practitioner, for Friday, the very next day. Jim had seen Sylvia before and respected and liked her.
I was asked how bad was the pain on a scale of one to ten with ten being the worst you ever had. It was not a ten--that was my ruptured disc pain in 1986. I said 6 or 7. Earlier that morning I told Jim that it reminded me of labor pains--intense, squeezing pain. Some of those were tens! Especially my last labor with a nine pound baby!
Sylvia was kind and thorough. She eliminated shingles and a urinary tract infection. She gave me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and an x-ray.
I called Penn Medicine Radiology to schedule the x-ray and they said to come in at 3 pm--in just a few hours!
The waiting room at Radiology was packed with folks and I despaired but I was called very quickly and Kyle, the technician, was also very kind and helpful. Because it was Friday afternoon, I didn't expect results over the weekend. But to my surprise, when I checked the portal Saturday am, there was a message from Sylvia that the x-ray was negative. So the pain probably was muscular as she thought. There was no disc problem and some arthritis showed up.
I was so grateful to be able to get care quickly and with kindness and compassion. However, it is now Sunday and the pain is still there--and I have had a couple of rough nights trying to sleep while getting the heating pad positioned for relief. I have taken four out of the five muscle relaxers pills and am hoping that today is a better day. It's not excruciating pain, it is just gnawing and can't be ignored. Fortunately, the heating pad and lying down helps but that is not a good way to live. So if I am not better tomorrow, I will contact Sylvia again on the portal. Last Thursday, I didn't know which way to turn to get help. But now I have someone caring for me and am trying to hope for relief--along with prayers for healing.
----------November 11--a good night of sleep without any need for the heating pad! Hooray!
November 12--No pain today and it is such a relief. I thanked Sylvia on the portal and received such a kind message from her in response. I told her about this blog and I hope she reads it and feels my gratitude!
November 19--I did a survey from Penn Medicine but decided to call their customer relations and leave a more directed compliment for their prompt reading and response. First thing Monday morning I got a phone call from them thanking me for my compliments and saying they would pass them on to their Leadership Team along with the specific names of the people who had helped me.
But when I think of Donald Trump as president, I am ashamed and embarrassed that such a man could be elected and could represent our country. He lies, he insults others, he is vulgar, he incites violence and he threatens to do terrible things if elected. Rounding up immigrants, legal and illegal, and putting them in camps? What a horrible, demeaning idea. Getting rid of civil service employees and replacing them with his loyalists? Scary. It was bad enough when he had some brakes on what he wanted to do in his previous administration. The New York Times listed 91 members of the Trump era who find him unfit to lead our country. They see how dangerous he could be. Calling out the military to punish his political opponents? Would my private little blog be a reason to punish me? I doubt it but more public folks who disagree with him are called enemies. Would my giving a small amount to the Harris-Walz campaign mean I am an enemy? I should have given more if it would make a difference.
I dread the election. I dread the days after the election when we await the results. I dread Trump's winning but I even dread his losing if he incites violence as he did the last time. He has done many immoral and really illegal things, but refusing to accept his loss in 2021 is maybe the most dangerous one for our country and he is setting the stage to do it again.
I pray nightly for our country and I pray for Donald Trump--that he could have a change of heart and stop his lies and his insults to others. Maybe he could even say he was sorry although he has said he has no need of asking God for forgiveness of his sins. Do I really believe God can work in someone's heart? I would like to think so and hope he hears my heartfelt prayers.
------------Then in church last week I realized that among the sins I needed to confess was my anger towards Donald Trump when I probably should feel compassion for such an unhappy man. He must be unhappy because otherwise he would not have such a need to disparage and insult others--a need to put others down to raise yourself up.
-----------October 28--It just gets worse by the day. Trump's rally in Madison Square Garden was nasty--insulting to Puerto Ricans, vulgar in comments by several including insults to Kamala Harris. He has referred to Arnold Palmer in admiring but vulgar terms. Trump hints at his "secret" with Mike Johnson, Speaker of the House, as to what they will do if he does not win the popular vote. Mike Pence was the hero in 2021.
November 1 And on it goes. Now Trump's desire is to see Liz Cheney lined up with rifles pointing at her so she can see what it is like to go to war. I hope and pray no one takes Trump's suggestion to heart and goes after Cheney. She has been courageous in supporting Harris as one of many Republicans who have done so. It is incredible that he can be so dangerous in his speech and get away with it. Three more days and the votes will be in and ready to be counted. I am afraid and have to keep praying and remembering that God is in control.
November 5 Election Day. We voted by mail and received notice via a postcard that our votes were counted. The system is working in Plainsboro, New Jersey and I pray that it is working everywhere in the country and that the votes will be counted and recognized as valid and that the results will be accepted without violence.
November 6 Trump won. I am sick at heart. How could so many people vote for such an immoral man who lied, was vulgar, and insulting to anyone who disagreed with him? How can he be kept from carrying out his goal of retribution to his so-called enemies? I downloaded a photo of him for this blog but I can't bear to put his face in it. May God preserve our nation.
November 10 As one pundit wrote, Trump is my president whether I like it or not. So what can I do beside pray? The election is over; Trump was elected and democracy worked even if I don't like it. My opinion was sadly in the minority. I can still pray for justice and for good leaders. But I also renewed my ACLU membership and gave an extra amount to the ACLU Freedom Defense Fund because ACLU will fight the deportations and the separation of family members.
November 14 It gets worse by the day as we read of Trump's appointees to cabinet positions in which loyalty to him is the requirement, not expertise. Matt Gaetz as Attorney General will no longer be invesitgated by Congress because he resigned form Congress. We hope the Senate will refuse to confirm some of these unqualified people. The Senate in secret ballots voted Thune as their leader and not Scott as Trump wanted.
The results have been on his portal the very next morning. Jim greeted me with the good news and we are both so relieved and thankful. He said yesterday it is like a burden lifted. I prayed that if the numbers were high, we would get good medical advice and know what to do next. We are very aware that many people do not get good news after medical tests and at our age, the good news can't last forever. But this is another six month reprieve.
We celebrated with a happy hour meal at On the Border--where we have celebrated other occasions--even memorably a Covid take-out meal after the last radiation treatment four and a half years ago. The waitress claimed to remember us and called us her "regulars." Maybe she did but in any case, it was a good line and made us want to tip generously! I will remind myself however on the next occasion that a smaller margarita would be a better idea.
I deal with my anxiety by emailing our children and their spouses. Jim deals with his anxiety in his own way--but less publicly.
I wondered if the threat of cancer again would mean that Stonebridge would not want to take us into independent living. Maybe this good result is a sign that we should pursue that option now. In the last week there has been another sign--two folks who live there have told us that it is a wonderful place and they are so grateful for it. Another woman told us that her parents have loved being there. It's a matter for our prayers because the way is not clear to us yet. What will I be writing in this blog in 2025?
 |
| The Rug in David's Office |
David was reassuring about the whole process of settling an estate in New Jersey and gave us good information along with various questions we still need to answer. Jim will contact our financial planner (aka "wealth advisor") in South Bend and I will gather some addresses for our donations. I felt overwhelmed but when I googled how to settle probate in Middlesex County the instructions were all spelled out. One needs to prove that one is married or related to the recently deceased so I was wondering if our marriage license was available. Jim looked in our strong box and sure enough, we are officially married and can prove it!
We are really glad we have the process started and feel good that we have lived here long enough that we know folks who can help us out and make good recommendations for people one can trust.
We had a pleasant ride home on country roads as directed by our Apple maps. It was good to leave I 287 with all the trucks. In fact, the only real traffic tie-up was when we had to take turns getting on the one lane bridge that crossed what may have been the Delaware Raritan Canal or Millstone Creek.
And then to finish the day up well, the Mets beat the Phillies in a close, tense game and will go on to the National League Champion Series.
-----------I always say Psalm 23 before trying to fall asleep. Last night I felt the day had been one of "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death." Too many thoughts about the end for either one of us--stimulated by the day's information and decisions. Hope I can clear all that away today!
A recipe I used this week said one absolutely had to sift the flour. But where was my flour sifter? I could not find it and wondered if it was in such poor condition that I never moved it. Not a frequently used item! The beer bread was fine without sifting the flour.
---------And with Amazon Prime, I was able to order panty hose and a half slip and they arrived one day later.
----------A note after the wedding--My dress was very appropriate and I was able to walk from the church to the reception a few blocks away without a problem. I met one other person who said she got her dress from Amazon too! It was fun to see what "cocktail dress" on the invitation looked like for others!
The wedding was beautiful and the reception food excellent. They were a very happy couple who were "smitten" with each other from their first meeting. The photo is of the bride dancing with her dad at the reception at the Nassau Inn.
Dinner interrupted our watching of the Mets game--sadly a loss to the Phillies in game two of the series. We like the Phillies too and maybe they will be the team for us to watch as the post season goes on. So thankful to be able to spend time with our son and two daughters-in-law.
