58 Years!

Taken a few years ago at Ocean Grove

 We celebrated our 58th wedding anniversary on Sunday.  We were married when we were only 21 years old and still had one more year of college to go.  Plus Jim had seminary after that—and then graduate school for another several years.  We both worked during those years and at age 30 he had his first full time job as a professor at NCSU.  By that time we had one child.  Somehow we made it through all those years paying the rent and getting enough to eat.  Our families helped us some.  And rent was cheap!  

We celebrated in a pretty low key way.  I try to avoid going out to eat on Sundays—my little bit of conservatism, or Sabbatarianism in a way.  So we made one of our favorite meals together—lasagna.   It was delicious!  And a great thing is that there is enough for two more meals.  

I am so thankful for Jim.  I am so thankful our marriage has lasted through mostly good times but not always!  But we endured and can be so grateful for that.  Especially this last year, it has been “in sickness and in health.”  I am not sick but “the year of the hip” has meant Jim has had to help me in so many more ways.  And he has done so with such kindness and love. 

Quotidian Gratitude

 Therapists recommend keeping a gratitude journal.  Arthur Brooks in his letters on happiness asks readers to respond with what makes them happy—not a bucket list kind of happiness but a more ordinary, daily happiness.

I wake up in the morning and start my day with the prayer:  “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  Then I read Heather Cox Richardson’s daily Substack post and I despair for our country with its leaders making bad decisions day after day.  I pray not to let my struggle with mild depression get the best of me. And right now I pray that my struggle with pain and mobility not overcome me.  And then I get out of bed. 

I do keep a gratitude journal in my private online journals but I thought that today I would make my routine reasons for gratitude a bit more public here. 

As others said in the Brooks article, I am grateful for that first sip of coffee in the morning.  Jim almost always has it ready for me in the thermos.  I like opening Spelling Bee and Connections on my NYT app on my iPhone.  I do what I can on my own and then Jim and I compare our lists.  We don’t give up until we get to Genius—even if it means having to look at the hints provided. I rarely succeed in Connections without getting the message “next time.” 

I read the lectionary for the day and often go to Sacred Space or Divine Office for wisdom and guidance and a few moments of peace.  I like my time of mindfulness on the deck when I do my breath prayers and try to see and hear and feel nature around me. 

I am thankful if I have a plan for supper that does not involve much work—maybe just leftovers from another meal. 

I am thankful if my husband comes over and gives me a kiss saying that he knew I just needed that. I am thankful to have him here working in the study or doing errands with me.  The only times we are apart are when he goes golfing and I am always happy to get his message from the 13th green and know that he will be home soon.  I am thankful that we can do a NYT crossword puzzle while enjoying a happy hour in the late afternoon.  Usually I am thankful that we can cheer the Mets on SNY with our favorite announcers Gary and Keith and Ron although the Mets don’t make it a relaxing experience very often.

I am thankful to have this iPad and the connection it gives me with a world of information and with friends and acquaintances from years past and with our family wherever they are. (Today it’s Ocean Grove, New Jersey and Venice!) 

I don’t have a bucket list.  I am quite content to stay home and have a pretty routine existence.  I like that word “quotidian”  which has entered my vocabulary recently.  I have quotidian reasons for gratitude—many of them.  

Another Stage of Life

I can’t really think how I want to title this post but I have been thinking about how life changes and how solicitous and dear my offspring have been in the last few days.

Friday night we went out to eat with Jeff.  Susan was in North Carolina with her dad.  I had a craving for a steak salad so I did a search “Steak salad near me” and Rocky Hill Inn came up—just a short ride from our home.  There were no parking places left in the lot so Jim dropped me off and looked for a place down the street.  Jeff very kindly helped me walk to the entrance and get up the steps.  We had a very pleasant meal and the steak salad was perfect!

Then Saturday we drove to Ocean Grove to spend some time with Laura’s family at the ocean front cottage they have rented for several years—beginning with the 50th anniversary week we all enjoyed eight years ago.  Laura too was very solicitous about my walking across the lawn and up the steps to their porch.  She offered me her arm if I wanted to go down to the water but I decided I was happy enough on the porch feeling the sea breeze.

I have been thinking how life changes.  Once upon a long time ago, I held their hands and helped them walk.  And now they are looking out for their mother who stumbles along with her cane.  I am grateful for their looking out for me.  I am humbled by my need for help but try to accept it with thankfulness. 

A Kitchen Table with a History

 

Our dear granddaughter Katie has just moved to Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where she will be a professor at Wake Forest University.  I had emailed her yesterday to see how she and her fiance were doing one week into their move and she suggested a FaceTime visit so she could show us their new townhouse. Tonight we were delighted to see her face and hear her voice and see how very lived in their place looks already!

Adding to my delight was seeing their dining room table.  I asked Katie to take off the tablecloth so I could have a closer look.  Yes, that is the table that came from my grandparents’ kitchen 58 years ago.  Jim and I stripped the painted grape leaves from it and varnished it—working in our driveway the month before we got married.  It had a home with us for many years and then found its way to Jeff and Susan’s apartments and now, there it is, with Katie and Eli in North Carolina!  That table has a history and I hope will be the happy place for many more meals for a fifth generation.  

Circumstances Change Roles

 Years ago I think I wrote a blog about how Jim and I fall into fairly traditional roles in our everyday life.  I took charge of household work and he took charge of the yard and finances. However,  Jim has always been good about helping with chores at my request. 

But this “year of the hip” has made a difference in our roles.  Sadly, I still feel uninformed about our finances. Every few months, I try to sit in on the credit card payment and checking account register process so I know where the money is coming from and where it is going.  Happily, there is no yard work to do!

But I have observed that Jim has really stepped up to thinking about what has to be done for the laundry and the grocery shopping.  Today he went over the laundry plan for the next few days before I got to it.  Before we left for Trader Joe’s, he suggested we look to see what we were out of.  I am happy to relinquish my need to be in charge!  And also I am grateful to be able to be less handicapped due to increasing mobility this week. 

The Year of the Hip

 Jim, in referring to the Chinese years of the Rat or whatever, said that this year is my “year of the hip,”. And so it is.  And again, this post will be TMI for most readers but it will be a record of our lives and that is my main reason for writing.

When I had my two month post-surgery appointment for my left hip, I asked for help for my right hip which started hurting the day after I finished my 30 days of post-surgery drugs.  The original x-rays showed arthritis in both hips but the left was “serious osteoarthritis” and thus more in need of help. Dr. Culp did not push another surgery although he said that might be the end result.  Instead he suggested I see Dr. Skeehan for a cortisone injection.  That was not an option originally for my left hip because of some bone spurs whatever they are—they are gone now, removed through the surgery.

I saw Dr. Skeehan on Tuesday.  I was a bit apprehensive about the procedure and also the possible problem with my pre-diabetes status.  He was very reassuring on both counts saying that if cortisone didn’t work, we could try a gel (off label and thus not paid for by insurance).  The cortisone injection can be repeated after three months.  I have to avoid sweets for a week to avoid an insulin problem.  He said that he too liked Klondike bars when I said I could get along without them for a week! 

Dr. Skeehan was very good about trying to make me comfortable.  It was not easy for me to stretch out my leg and to hold still but he said “You are doing fine.”  And it was so good when he said, “Just five more seconds.”  It helps when a medical person is kind and understanding!  

And…I had no pain at all Tuesday during the night and slept well.  I am walking with my cane and sometimes even without any assistance.  It is not totally comfortable but I can walk across the room without wincing and hanging on to the counters or furniture.  I think of Shilpa, my home PT, who told me I had to practice walking with confidence.  After months of hanging on to a walker or more than a year of using a cane, I am uncertain.  

I am so grateful for improvement.  This is not a cure and I may find surgery less threatening after a while.  But for now, today and yesterday were far better days.  I found a way to send a message to Dr. Skeehan on the Princeton Orthopedics Associates website and I hope he knows that he made my life better this week.  

Yes to the Dress!

 

Katie and Susan invited me to accompany them to the final decision and fitting of Katie’s wedding dress.  We drove through the New Jersey countryside to Robbinsville to a Bridal Boutique where there were two dresses that Katie had decided earlier in the week were her favorites.  I told myself to keep my opinion to myself but was glad that Katie’s choice would have been my choice too! 

Katie looked beautiful in the elegant white dress.  I didn’t take photos because it needs to be a surprise for everyone else.  I was sad to see that President Trump’s tariffs were an additional charge for the dress because it is imported from Australia.  It will take several months for it to be made at exactly the right size for Katie.  But the wedding is not until a year from now. 

While we were gone, Jim and Eli played a round of golf.  We joined Jeff for a cookout.  There was some rain and even lightning but the fellows got off the course in time and Jeff managed to cook the chicken in spite of the storm.  It was a good-bye cookout for Katie and Eli who are leaving for North Carolina tomorrow.  

Again, how lovely to be included in these family events and to live just ten minutes away.  I felt honored to be a part of the dress decision.