24 Hours of Tears and Laughter

It started with my blood pressure check with Dr. Blechl.  My blood pressure was within normal limits but my heart rate was still fast.  The cardiologist had given me an all clear and no follow-up appointments.   Dr. Blechl said that there must be something causing the rapid heart rate and wanted to get advice from his colleagues about getting an MRI or a CT scan of my adrenal glands.  I told him I really didn't want to see any more doctors but we left it that he would be in touch with me.  I have not heard from him.  I really don't want to hear from him.  But if there is something wrong, I should know.  And from the little reading I have done, this could be a cause of my frequent insomnia.

Laura and her family arrived at a little before 5 pm.  They flew into Indy and will be spending a few days with Michael's family there.  Once they arrived, there was no time to think about anything but them!  The kids explored our basement toys--especially Jim's train set and my floor piano.



We had an amazingly civil family dinner around the dining room table with eight of us.   Jim said a prayer and then little A burst into "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace good will to men."  What a lovely spontaneous prayer.  And then we went all out with our third prayer and said the usual "God is great. God is good..." I took one taste of the quiche I fixed for the grown-ups and realized I'd forgotten to put in the Swiss cheese.  I really missed it.  Others were good and ate up--even taking seconds.

Jim and I left briefly to attend the visitation for Gary Knoppers, a colleague at Notre Dame.  I gasped when I saw Laura, his wife, standing next to the coffin.   I wanted to remember seeing Gary at Martin's and chatting there a few weeks earlier.  But the casket was closed and mine will be too someday.  I made Jim promise.  We hugged Laura and were able to meet and express our sympathy to his grown children too.

Once home again I sang many songs to A and R in their beds and rejoiced to hear A calm down to the steady breathing of sleep.  I challenged J to a game of Scrabble and we battled for quite a while until Laura called time at 10 pm and J beat me by two points.  The kids all slept very well in unfamiliar places.

Jim made pancakes and more pancakes and the few leftovers were carried out the door in the kids' hands for the long ride back to Indy.

As soon as they left,  Jim and I went to Gary's  Requiem Eucharist at St. Michael and All Angels Episcopal Church.  It was a formal service of liturgy, a homily, and communion.  When the casket was escorted out followed by Laura and her son and daughter, the finality of it all was brought home.  I left with tears in my eyes.

We're back to our quiet life for a week now until we leave for St. Pete Beach.  Today is so cold and blustery that the relative warmth and sun of Florida sounds pretty good.

2 1/2 Weeks on the East Coast--Finale

Tuesday afternoon--We got word via an email from Linda Hanstra that Morgan Bolt passed away at 10 am.  Marv and Linda and Christina were with him throughout the previous night.  Linda Bolt texted me later saying he had died "peacefully and gently."  A long ordeal is over.  He left a legacy in his book Cancer Just Is which I finished this week and greatly appreciated.

Tuesday evening--Dan and Alex drove from Manhattan using the car belonging to Alex's mother.  It took longer than anticipated--although the Lincoln Tunnel approach is always a problem.  So because they knew dinner would be later, Jeff and Susan went out to get a tree.  It was fun to watch our young'uns struggle with a big tree now that we have gone to table tops--and sadly, this year, maybe none at all.

We had a great family dinner with eight of us around the table.  It was good to have the Princeton VKs meet Alex and Alex meet them!  We all left around 10--Jim and I with a ten minute commute; Dan and Alex with at least an hour--but traffic was minimal at that time.

Wednesday--we met a realtor at 24 Mountain Avenue, just off SR 206 and right across from the park where Laura and Michael had their wedding reception.  As we drove there, I told Jim it would be easier if we did not like the townhouse we were seeing.  But...we did.  It had lots of space with big rooms, an attached garage, and a basement.  It was light and airy and newly painted.  The problems?  possibly 206 traffic noise and steps and more steps as it was a three story townhouse.  We wouldn't have to downsize so drastically and Jim could have a study designated just for his work.

At 3:30 we left for the 5 pm pageant rehearsal at Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church--an hour's drive plus a stop for gas.  We arrived at the church after 5:15!  The traffic was terrible and the bright sun was low and right in our eyes.  But all was worth it when we saw R and J and heard S read his passage from the Christmas story ending with "Mary treasured all these things and  pondered them in her heart."  We joined G,  the nanny, who had made soup and salad and grilled cheese sandwiches.  The ride home took an hour or less.

Thursday--a very quiet day.  We didn't see any of the family.  We made a Target and CVS trip, walked along the Delaware-Raritan Canal in Kingston, and ordered take-out from Ruby Tuesday.

Friday--Jeff and Susan met us at 24 Mountain Avenue to check out the townhouse.  At 1 pm we left for Gladwyne and by 4:30 everyone was gathered together for munching, singing Christmas carols, opening gifts, and eating tenderloin and ham and Susan's wonderful biscuits.  A could not get settled down afterwards--too much excitement and chocolate probably.

Saturday--J and A joined us in our bed before 7 am.  We were on the road by 8 and were close to home by 7 pm.  It was an easy ride.  We stopped at Whole Foods where we were still able to get our little table top tree and a few good things for breakfast.

The two weeks gave us so many good memories and it was so good to be near our children and grandchildren.  Jim said he had a better feeling about moving to Princeton and we both have an idea of what is available for rent.  The action plan now is to continue to get rid of stuff and to talk to a realtor in late January.  We decided the Mountain Avenue townhouse was not right for us and we were not prepared to sign a lease for February 1. For now, we are glad to be home again.

2 1/2 Weeks on the East Coast--Week Two

Tuesday evening we had a very pleasant dinner at Ruth's Chris at the Westin Forrestal Village.  The menu was just the same as our own Ruth's Chris in Granger and I ordered my usual petite filet and it was terrific.  It was our Christmas gift for a festively dressed Jeff and Susan.  Michael was at a long jazz band rehearsal so he was otherwise occupied.

Wednesday we visited the Princeton Library where I  love browsing the book sale.  And, as always, I left with three volumes for $6.  We stopped at McCaffreys Grocery where we now have our own phone number account.  We belong!  Around 4 pm we checked out the addresses of four townhomes that were listed for rent--all between Canal Pointe Road and Mercer Street.  That was enlightening as we encountered terrible traffic already that early in the afternoon amidst miles of condos and apartments.  It had no appeal for us.

We spoke honestly about our preferences that evening.  Jim said he was tired of being a home owner, would like to sell our house and move into an apartment in South Bend.  He feels downsizing now would make it easier to move to Princeton later.  I disagreed saying that if we stayed in South Bend, I would want to stay in our home and just move once.

Thursday we managed finally to get to Trader Joe's which is very visible from Route 1 but not easy to access.  We bought my favorite chocolate truffle bars, some wine, and a few other sundries.  We also went to Nordstrom's Rack where I found a larger purse to accommodate my many pairs of glasses!

We walked at Mapleton Preserve which turned out to be the remains of a large nursery operation with a derelict greenhouse and storage facilities.  We joined Jeff and Susan for a roast chicken supper.  Katie was home and was still finishing one paper to be handed in on Friday.
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Friday was our day for NYC.  It is rarely easy to get into the city and sadly I don't feel the adrenaline rush I used to get when I stepped out of Penn Station onto 7th Avenue.  It took an Uber ride, NJ Transit, a walk to Herald Square, a ride on the crowded Q subway, and another walk to get to Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center where we met the Bolts, one by one, as they kept vigil by the bedside of their dying son Morgan.  We were able to deliver hugs and love from so many back in South Bend.

We summoned another Uber ride (after failing to hail a taxi) and rode through crowded streets to the Met Museum where we met Alex and Dan.  I bought Alex a Met membership as our Christmas gift--and my commitment to her relationship with Dan who can be her guest!  We admired the Christmas tree and then toured the Dutch masters exhibit which was pretty awesome with its Vermeers, Rembrandts, Hals, and other lesser known painters.

A rainy 20 minute walk brought us to Uskudar Turkish Restaurant where Alex ordered the Meze platter for an appetizer and the Mixed Grill for our entree.  Dan chose a great Turkish wine and it was their treat.  There was plenty to share and it was a good adventure in eating for me.

It was the Q train and NJ Transit again with no wait at all at Penn Station, and then a taxi back to Homewood Suites at midnight.

Saturday--a quiet day was what we needed.  Susan and I made banket using almond paste ordered from VanderVeen's Dutch Store in Grand Rapids.  We headed back "home" for a few hours and watched Notre Dame beat Purdue in basketball and then joined Jeff for pizza and more football.  The rest of the family went to a Pentatonix concert in Philly.

Sunday--We parked on Nassau Street--free on Sundays until 1 pm--and walked to Nassau Presbyterian Church.  We joined the Moorheads in their pew for a good service.  The end of the sermon left me in tears however as the final words were "Come, Lord Jesus, Come quickly" and I knew that was the prayer we needed to pray for Morgan.

Later in the afternoon we drove through heavy rain and wet pavement to Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church where Laura sang with the Sanctuary Choir and the Chamber Choir.  The program was lovely but rather long.  I admired the kids for patiently sitting through it.

 It was back to Laura's for cookie cutting with dough made the day before.  All four kids participated so it was worth the effort!   Michael had some very large and delicious shrimp to snack on and then we had tenderloin and cauliflower and brussel sprouts for dinner.  The ride back was much easier and we were back at the hotel by 9:30.

Monday--Susan took us on a road trip to see several lovely villages along the Delaware River with the idea that we could re-locate between Princeton and Gladwyne.  The ride was lovely and the villages quaint and historic,  but that is probably not right for us.   We enjoyed lunch at an "historic" Princeton eatery, PJ's Pancake House, with Katie and Susan.

 At 5 pm Susan skillfully drove the van to Philly for Michael's Prep-Jazz Orchestra concert at Chris' Jazz Cafe--right in the middle of downtown.  The traffic was terrible   The parking lot was full.  We had interesting meals as we waited for the show to begin.  What fun to see Michael on his trombone making great music!  The ride home (Jeff's turn) was far easier.

Tuesday--our second week is over.  I shopped with Katie at Old Navy for her Christmas present so when she opens in a few days, she can exclaim, "Grandma, how did you know what I wanted?" I drove for the first time in NJ traffic.

At this point we do not have clarification or agreement as to what we should do about moving.  We have eliminated some options. We have appreciated how great it is to be near the kids and grandkids.  But we also appreciate much of our life in South Bend.

2 1/2 Weeks on the East Coast-Week One

The Choo Choo Barn

Tuesday morning Jim participated in the last doctoral defense for which he was the director at Notre Dame.  By noon we were on the road with our car packed with our own belongings but also boxes of childhood memories for Laura and Jeff as well as trophies and an ill-fated box of Barbie and Ken dolls.

We stopped at our usual Holiday Inn Express in Streetsboro, Ohio,  and had supper at our usual Ruby Tuesday.  It was a pleasant journey accompanied by a CD of Handel's Messiah.  The next day's journey was not as easy as intermittent snow and the always present trucks made visibility poor.

 Laura's children had a birthday treat to share with us but had to wait while we were parked on I 76 for about 20 minutes because one of us thought he knew better than Apple maps which showed a red line and directed us off the road.  I've already written about the birthday dinner and celebrations.  Oh, the Barbie doll box.  Laura opened it and said, "We have a problem."  There were mouse droppings and evidence that the little creature had eaten the faces of two of the Barbie dolls--leaving the Ken dolls alone.  It was sad to throw them into the trash.  I bleached and washed the surviving dolls and clothes the next morning.

Sadly, that wonderful six course birthday dinner had me sitting up in our bedroom at 1 am hoping I was not going to lose some of it.

We left Gladwyne around one and checked into our home for the next two weeks at Homewood Suites Room 406.  Jeff and Susan and Michael joined us for a fun dinner at Ruby Tuesday,  a short walk from our hotel.

Friday was a day of exploring apartments.  We had a ten am tour at Avalon and a noon tour at Copperwood.  Both were lovely but different.  Copperwood was set in the woods and Avalon in a more urban setting.  In fact Avalon even charges $150 a month for parking one car.  We liked what we saw but I felt overwhelmed by the thought of downsizing into a two bedroom apartment--even if they did have walk-in closets and spacious rooms.

Michael had a new video game

A privilege and an example of a plus for our moving to Princeton was that I cooked supper for 15 year old Michael while Jeff and Susan went to their holiday party.

 And then the next morning we drove back to Gladwyne and enjoyed the Choo Choo Barn in Lancaster County with Laura's family.

Saturday evening  I felt sick again with miserable stomach pains that lasted most of the night. So Sunday we didn't do much of anything including eating and I began to feel better.
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Monday was a good day here in Princeton.  We did three loads of laundry at Jeff and Susan's.  We attempted to buy a table top tree at Whole Foods like we do at home but they didn't have any more so we got a lovely poinsettia.  We went to our friends from NCSU days--Jim and Cynthia Moorhead--and had a delicious chicken soup and croissants lunch along with lots of conversation.  If we move here to be with family, we will have friends too!  Then it was nap time for me--thanks to a wake-up call from someone who seemed to be showering in our room at 5:55 am but must have been next door!  Homewood Suites offers drinks and snacks from 5-7 pm so we helped ourselves to a glass of wine and veggies and cheese and crackers.

And then Susan and I went to a Messiah Sing-a-Long at Princeton University Chapel.  We were accompanied by a very good orchestra and led by Penna Rose, an expert and forgiving director,  and we sang "lustily and in good time" as Wesley put it.  I used my score from college days; Susan downloaded one on her ipad!  A tenor and counter-tenor were excellent; the other student soloists were weaker but also good.  Meanwhile, the fellas watched Monday night football.

Jim can work anywhere!

Last night was one of those nights that make us aware that we do need two bedrooms as Jim's snoring bothered me and my snoring bothered him!  The 5 am showerer was a little later this morning and I slept right through Jim's shower.  We're ready for a quiet day of getting gas and a car wash and a determination to take a good walk on another sunny day.  And then tonight, our Christmas gift to Jeff and Susan--and to us--a dinner at Ruth's Chris.

So it is now almost one week away from home.  For me there isn't much clarification on our potential move.  It has been so lovely to pop in at Jeff and Susan's--to see Susan and Michael at the grocery store--to go to an event with Susan and to chat with her about the kids--to share in Laura's family's life for two special events with more scheduled.  We're making plans to go into NYC and Dan will come here twice as well.

But I can't close my eyes and picture us in Avalon or Copperwood Apartments--living in luxury but on a floor with so many others and in just a few rooms.  It is a big decision that doesn't have to be made tomorrow or next week, but will need to be made at some point.

Laura is 40!

40 years ago yesterday we welcomed Laura Ruth Vanderkam into our lives.  Her first name was similar to my mother's name Lyda (which my mother never liked!) and her middle name was the same as Jim's mother's middle name. She was my littlest baby at 7 pounds 2 ounces and after she was born,  I was so thrilled that I told Jim we should have six more!

That didn't last.  By the time Laura was three weeks old, she weighed ten pounds and I was exhausted.  That exhaustion lasted for two years and the sleepless nights made me struggle with depression.  Laura would not take a bottle.  The hours that I worked could be long ones for Jim--and Laura too!  I sometimes fantasized about breaking a leg so I could go to a hospital and rest.

But she was such a pleasant cheerful baby during the day.  By the time she was two years old, she was speaking long sentences and singing songs like "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New You!"  That was very appropriate for me at the time!

Right after that Christmas, we traded lives with Peter and Else Coxon and their two boys.  This meant we lived in their house in St. Andrews, Scotland and Jim taught at the university there.  They lived in our house in Raleigh, North Carolina and Peter taught at NCSU.  It was a time for a happy new me! It was a wonderful season in a beautiful place of the world.  Laura became a little Scottish lassie as she gained vocabulary like nappies and crisps.

As she grew up, Laura had many interests and in some ways we could have predicted her future as a writer and a public speaker.  She loved writing and wrote volumes.  She loved singing and dancing on stage and was in church and school and community productions.  I don't know that we would have predicted a fairly early marriage for her and subsequently four children.  She was certainly a very independent young woman!  However she tops her list of accomplishments at age 40 with marrying a good man and having spirited children!  There were many professional accomplishments as well with several books, a Ted talk, a blog and a weekly podcast.  Soon there will be a daily five minute podcast on productivity sponsored by her publisher Penguin Press.

So many memories.  My gift to her was a photo album I entitled Life of Laura.  I really made it for her children so they could enjoy seeing their mother as a very rotund infant, a swim team member, a cheerleader, a dancer in fish net stockings, a bride and a mother of each one of them as a newborn.  I think they did enjoy it.

To celebrate we had a lovely six course dinner thanks to Michael at a place in downtown Philly called Talulah's Daily.  It was chef's choice with seasonal features and it was unusual and delicious.

We felt very grateful to be able to be here to celebrate with Laura and her family.  May she have many more happy, healthy, productive years!

The Cataract Saga, Part IV

I dread going to Cataract and Laser.  Sometimes I don't even sleep well the night before my appointments.  There is often a long wait to be seen and I haven't seen much improvement.   This time I said I was going to refuse the capsolotomy on my right eye because it had done nothing for the left eye.  I was told to come in anyway to be evaluated so I agreed to do so.

After K, the receptionist, greeted me, I asked her how she was.  The reply was a hesitant "Okay."  I asked what was the matter and she said it was just all the Christmas stress and she would feel better when it was all over.  I told her about the class I am teaching at our church on Sunday on Unplug the Christmas Machine and how I would feel less stressed when it was done.  It made me realize that this class may be a good idea and needed.  She told me that she had let everyone know what my feelings were about the treatment and they were prepared for me!

I was called almost immediately to be evaluated.  No wait today!   N examined my eyes and administered the drops.  We chatted more than usual and later after I saw the doctor,  she told me that her mother had died two months ago and she was full of guilt and anger.  I told her about my grief when my mother died at age 59.  She seemed to really want to talk.

Then it was Dr. I,  the optometrist, who always to explain what is gong on and what the options are.  He said my left eye was improved to 20/40 and convinced me that it would be a good idea to go ahead with the procedure for the right eye.  He said I could get glasses for temporarily helping with the night vision and glare and then down the road get lasik surgery again.

After a very short wait,  Dr. C was ready to zap the eye which takes all of 30 seconds.  But he too was chatty and ended up asking me about the value of IQ tests.  It was pretty funny when my chin was in the holder and he was zapping away and he told me to keep talking!  He left saying he had learned something because I had told him how my dyslexic adult student compensates so well by having her iphone read to her.

A treat after the surgery

All of this in one hour with everyone seeming to wanting to chat (I am a familiar face!), and taking my issues seriously.  I felt better about Cataract and Laser!

But today I had my post-surgical follow-up at the Midwest Eye Clinic.  Dr. R said my left eye was 60/20 and was not nearly as optimistic about glasses helping with the night-time glare.  But it seemed worth a try.  I ordered new lens to be put in my old glasses with a non-glare surface and we shall see what happens.   I was surprised to learn that our Medicare Supplemental Plan will cover the cost.

Sadly, the money saved by our visual insurance plan got spent on the deductible for our car insurance when 15 minutes later, I hit the garage door and knocked the side mirror to pieces.

The Cataract Saga, Part III and Not the Conclusion I Hope!

It has been over two months now since the first aborted surgery and almost six weeks since the last one on the left eye.  I am discouraged and hope that my vision will improve.  It is not as it should be and I find myself wishing I had never gone through with the surgeries.  I was told they were ready to be treated and I thought I would do it before they got too bad and while we were living here with familiar doctors.  It's done and it can't be undone!

I have lost count of how many times I have seen either the optometrists or the surgeon. We have tried steroid drops, prescription artificial tears, over the counter artificial tears, and drops and ointment for cornea swelling.  The last laser procedure (capsulotomy) to clear a film from the left eye has made no difference in my vision (20/80)  or the glare from lights at night.  I am going to cancel the same procedure for the right eye scheduled for next week.  What's the point in doing it?  That eye has good enough vision although the glare is bad for both.  Maybe later.

For about two and a half weeks I felt driving was unsafe for me.  I am okay with driving again.  The left eye may not be better but the right eye could be taking over--as Jim's does.  I can read with my $10 reading glasses--even early in the morning which I could not do a few weeks ago.  The worst of it is the radiating glare with both eyes--like a thousand rays in a little kid's drawing of the sun--off any lights at night.  I just want to close my eyes to get rid of the confusion.

After we left church last week, I said to Jim,"My left eye is not right."  At that point we both started laughing.   He said that comment ranked with the one I made years ago at the Queen's View in the highlands of Scotland, "The view will be mist."  But I sure would like to see my left eye get more "right!"

Once again patience is needed!  I wish I could know that in two months it would be better.  But I don't know that.  The surgeon is not communicative.  The optometrists are far more receptive to questions and concerns.  Maybe another lasik procedure after six months could correct the vision in the left eye.  I'm not sure I want it to be touched again.  At least that can be done in the doctor's office.  Or maybe I'll wear glasses again.  I don't know what can correct the glare however.

I think of a friend who is waiting for inflammation to recede after radiation with the goal of having surgery to remove a tumor.  I think of another friend of my sister's who is waiting for doctors to decide what can be done for her cancer and whatever it is it won't be a cure but just prolong her life.  I think of another young friend waiting with Hospice care after a four year battle with cancer.

I can function with my eyes like this.  I don't like it but it is not threatening my life or my health or for the most part my daily activities.  I like not wearing glasses although I do feel the need to learn to use eye makeup safely to cover those wrinkles and bags under my eyes--no longer hidden!

And as always, writing about it is my therapy.  I have a few regular readers and they already know most of this saga.  But I write for myself and for my annual  Blog2Print books--records of my life in print and this has been a very big part of my life in 2018.

The First Book Give-Away

As a part of the process of purging stuff in the house, I pulled books from the shelves in the family room, the living room, and two of the upstairs bedrooms.  I did not pull books from Jim's shelves in the basement although he is being encouraged to do so himself!

We brought 80 or more books to church on Friday, placed them on a table in the church library, and put out a basket for donations for Youth Ministries.  An email went out to the congregation and I made an announcement in church.

And it worked!   I don't know how many books are left on the table but I saw many people leaving church with books in their hands.  J (a fifth grader) had How Things Work; C (a grandma) had Friendly Beasts and the autobiography of Roald Dahl; M (a recent college grad) had the big volume on Africa that I always meant to read but never did; W had The Ecclesiastical History of the English People by Bede and was happy to find a primary source.   I am so glad to see these books have new homes.

It is so hard to part with books.  But I know we will do at least one more of these book give-aways when it gets closer to moving date.

Impatience and the Patient

No glasses

I am now up to 16 doctors appointments since August 1 and there are at least four more scheduled before November 15.  We have had to cancel our trip to the East coast because of the cardiologist's advice. Most of these however have been because of the cataract surgeries and my continued poor vision.  Last Friday afternoon Dr. R, the optometrist, said he thought there was scar tissue and he would get me in to Dr. C, the ophthalmologist and my cataract surgeon, as soon as he could.  I was so impatient all weekend worrying that I would not be able to get in to see the very busy Dr. C for weeks.  But I was grateful to be given an 8 am appointment for the next day. I was so hoping that another zap with the laser would take care of the problem and it would be quick and easy.

But, no, that was not the case.  Dr. C said the primary problem was inflammation, which I thought Dr. R had checked and said was out.  I am on steroid drops for a week and will see Dr. C again.   I want to see better now!  I am tired of the strain of trying to see.  I am tired of being unable to drive and having to ask Jim, who is very patient, to take me places.  But all this impatience doesn't do me any good.  Today my blood pressure (measured twice at CVS and Martin's) is very high--which may or may not be a result of stress.   And I was just beginning to relax about blood pressure and the tachycardia which seemed within normal limits after further testing last week.

Yesterday, M came to our house for the third week because I couldn't drive to church to meet her for our reading lesson.  She brought in a devotion she liked called "Impatience."  She even printed it up in large print for my sake and read it for me and read it beautifully.  I got a bit emotional because it was so timely and because after two years of meeting, she can read enough to begin to enjoy reading and to share it with others--including her teacher!

Later today I read a new Caring Bridge post from the young wife of a former Notre Dame graduate student that we got to know quite well.  She has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma after two years of struggling with a painful skin condition.  It looks like it is very curable but she is facing a long period of chemotherapy.  She is unhappy that it took so long to figure out her problems but is facing it with courage.  I admire her greatly.  How will I ever be strong enough when the inevitable decline and disease of our advancing years comes?  I am so impatient even with relatively minor problems.   I have a lot to learn about patience and courage and a calm spirit.

I continue to be grateful for my "soul sisters" in my Tuesday AM Bible Study.  They pray for me.  I pray for them too!  My kids have texted and emailed.  Other friends and my sister have called or texted or emailed.  Jim has been very loving. I don't particularly like the tune of The Servant's Song but when we sang it in church Sunday (and I could barely make out the words on the screen), I got teary thinking about those who have supported me.

We are pilgrims on the journey

We are travellers on the road

We are here to help each other

Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you

In the night time of your fear

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping

When you laugh, I'll laugh with you

I will share your joy and sorrow

Till we've seen this journey through.

Are You My Mother?

E and I have worked together three times now.  E is a beginning reader who lives at Hope Ministries here in South Bend.  The first time we met, she greeted me with "I'm irritated."  She felt too busy and had no time for the nap she wanted.  The second time we met she was escorted by her case manager and her stability counselor who put the pressure on for her to meet with me.  She allowed as how she would read with me but none of the phonics stuff.

Today, she came up without her lunch--so I sent her down to get it and told her we could work while she ate.  She didn't object to any phonics exercises or board work.  She happily chose two children's books from the several I had purchased for a grand total of $3 at the Friends of the Library sale.   She did well on one of them; the other was more difficult.  Then she saw Are You My Mother? in the pile and pounced on that one.  She remembered it from her own childhood and was delighted to read it.  She read it with expression.  She made just a few errors-- confusing "saw" and "was" several times and being unable to read more unusual words like "Snort"--the name for the shovel.  As an aside, finding books without white children as the main characters was not easy. Talking animals are fine.

E told me she would be meeting her 4 year old son this afternoon at a neutral visiting location and could read these books to him.  Somehow the irony of their own  separation made the reading so poignant to me. I left her with tears in my eyes.  She thanked me and said "See you next week." I hope she can keep the rules and be invested in the programs and be there next week!  May she also some day be reunited with her son as was the baby bird with his mother.

-------------November 15, 2018  An email from E's case manager:

Thanks for your work with Beth. It does seem that when she met with you, the sessions were positive experiences. However, Beth’s journey with Hope is coming to a close, so you should not plan to come again for her.

Again, thank you!

Escape through Reading

Since the first of August I have had 13 doctor appointments including the three cataract surgeries (one aborted.)  There are two more appointments coming up in the next two weeks.  May that be the blessed end of it!  Most of those were related to the cataract issue which is not resolved at all.  Unrelated to that I have had to cut out one very helpful medication due to the complicating side effect of a rapid heart beat.  That was scary but has definitely eased up.  I don't think I will cancel the cardiologist referral next week however.

Since both eyes have had the corrective surgeries, I have been unable to drive.  I did it a few times and did not feel safe.  My vision is very blurry.  I guess I will still need glasses but if it will give me better sight I will give up my vanity in thinking I would go without glasses for the first time in years.  I'll give up my plans for eye makeup!  Meanwhile Jim has had to drive me on my errands and volunteer activities and probably will have to do so for two more weeks.

But I am able to read sometimes even without the $10 reading glasses I bought at Target in preparation for this time.  And in the middle of this stress and discomfort, I have read two series of books that have been easy reads,  great distractions and really worthwhile.

The first series was four volumes called Journey Through the Night written by Anne de Vries, a Dutch writer commissioned to write a story for children  to remember the trauma of World War II in the Netherlands.  Although written for children, the subject matter would be disturbing for young ones as it told of hiding fugitives, incarceration, and miserable living conditions.  These exciting books made me want to read more about the resistance movement in the Netherlands and to admire the courage and faith of those involved in it. I found these books in our church library.  They are out of print so they are not available easily in English at least.

Then this week I read all three novels by Trudy Nan Boyce--Volumes 1 and 2 and a prequel.  Boyce was a 30 year veteran of the Atlanta Police Department and her novels follow the career of Sarah Alt--also known as Salt.  Salt is a complicated heroine whose own father was a policeman and who committed suicide on her 10th birthday.  She worked in the same area he once patrolled--the Homes, a public housing project.  Ten years later she is made a homicide detective and some of the same people she worked with in the Homes cross her path again as victims and as "perps."  Boyce knows Atlanta and she knows police work.  Many refer to these books as "gritty" and they are but they are also compassionate, romantic, and full of humanity.  Boyce writes about the racism that exists in a modern Southern city and the long lasting effects of slave owning.   I am eager for another book in the series--I hope one is planned.

I haven't been able to drive and some yard work has been forbidden.  I have lost my zeal for purging stuff in the house.  We don't even know if we can make our planned trip to the Hudson River Valley and the East coast families. It has been postponed once. But my reading has been a joy.  I have been to the Netherlands and to Atlanta and am grateful for those fascinating distractions.

Update later--we cancelled the trip to visit the east coast--due to the eye issue and the fact that the cardiologist advised against a long car trip.
_____________________
An update from my exchange with Trudy Nan Boyce:

Mary Vanderkam		Fri, Oct 12, 9:51 AM (1 day ago)
I hope there is a fourth book in the works. I am almost done with Old Bones and would be so sad if I could not read more about Salt!

tnandubois@aol.com	Fri, Oct 12, 3:38 PM (1 day ago)
to me

Hi Mary,

I am so glad that the series is resonating with you! Salt is taking a break while I work on another "stand-alone" novel. The best part of being a writer is, after the writing itself, when a reader connects with the story. Thank you for letting me know you like the work.

Trudy

Technology--"It's Really Simple"

Jim and I have heard that phrase too often in the last weeks.  I would like to think that we are reasonably intelligent, somewhat tech savvy, and able to follow directions.  But we have been frustrated as we ventured into newer items of an electronic sort.

First, there is our new furnace and air conditioning system--run by a digital thermostat.  We let the fan run continuously and just change the temperature at night.  One of these days we will hold our breath and change it to the heat mode.  Apparently we can even regulate it when we are away from home by adding an app.  We are not quite ready for that yet.

Then there was the new TV for the basement purchased from Best Buy at a real bargain.  We set it up trusting that we did not need the Geek Squad because we were told "It's really easy."  We did get it set up but found it would not connect to Comcast.  So we contacted Xfinity, they came out, and not only hooked up our basement TV but also set us up with a new box and a remote that is voice activated.  Wow!  We say "CNN" or "PBS" and it finds the channel for us.  We're not sure if there will be a $60 charge on the next bill--but if there is, it was worth it.  I do mourn the password we had for years--the Fibonacci sequence--but Jim couldn't remember how it went and chose an Ethiopic word which was more his style.

Then there were the problems with our four year old iphones.  Jim's was charged at night and dead by morning; mine refused to text until I turned it off and back on again.  Jim has been saying for a while it was time we traded them in and yesterday he convinced me.  We spent well over an hour at Verizon buying our new phones, getting all the gear that the young lady convinced us we needed, and listening to her say "It's really simple to transfer everything from the old phones to the new ones.  Just follow the directions."

We tried.  We really tried.  Jim managed to get everything but email on his.  I could not even get that far because it said I had not backed up the old stuff when my settings clearly said that I had.  So we headed to the Apple store and despaired of a 1 1/2 hour wait.  We went back to the Verizon store which was not busy at all.  Jacob (who said he really went by Hank!) helped us with great skill and patience.  It was clear to me that even he had to do some problem solving but he was not discouraged or dismayed.  All my favorite apps (Dark Sky, Fitbit, NPR, Hilton) are there now and I haven't lost any photos or videos.

I feel as if I am a password generating machine.  I know it is not advised but sometimes I'd like to change them all to one easy to remember code.

Time to clear out all information from the old iphones and mail them in for a refund.  Hope we can do that with ease.

Cataracts, Part 2

I really dreaded going back to Unity Hospital for the second try for cataract removal on my right eye.  I would lie awake thinking how I was going to be assertive and refuse any medication or eye drops until I was reassured that they had the right implant for me. I was embarrassed that I was as angry and confused as I was after the aborted surgery.

I prayed about it but did not have much peace about the whole procedure.  Yet I felt I had to go through with it again and didn't want to start over with anyone else.   On the night before surgery Jim called me into the three season room, set me down and said he had something to say--that he would be the one to tell the staff not to proceed with anything until we had reassurance.  I figured that was my answer to prayer--that Jim took over for me.

And he did the next morning.  Supposedly the error had never happened before and the protocol at the hospital has been changed.  The doctor reassured us, the staff all knew what had happened, (everyone said, "So you were the one") and we went ahead with the surgery.  The preparation was easy enough.  During surgery I was aware of lights and shapes in my vision, but I really don't remember much of it or the recovery counseling.

Once again, Jim got us Krispy Kreme donuts and coffee on the way home.  I was expecting to be able to see out of my eye afterwards because Jim was able to do so and so was my sister.  But I could see nothing but tan and brown blobs--no vision at all. After a while I thought I could see light at the windows.  A few hours later I thought I could see my hand in front of my face.  This frightened me so I called the office and was told it was because of the antibiotic shot I was given.  No one had warned of this side effect and if they had done so, it could have saved me some real concern. 

The doctor called that evening and said some folks could see right away and for others it took 24 hours because of where the medication ended up in the eye.  At least that is the way I understood it.  I have a follow-up appointment with a doctor Jim has seen often and really appreciates--I am going to clarify that with him tomorrow.

My eye sight is good enough now although there are still auras around light.  The floaters are almost gone and the pain is gone--it wasn't severe but I was aware that eye movement caused pain.

I think I will enjoy going without glasses--especially when I can use some make-up again around my eyes.  I've tried on reading glasses at CVS and they seem to work fine.  I chuckled to see that there were cheap ones in packs of three.  I know it will be easy to lose them.

It is strange to go without glasses. I've worn glasses or contacts since 5th grade.  I am used to taking my glasses off to relax or sleep and that signal is gone.  When I drive I wear glasses with the right lens poked out.

For a few days, I was not myself.  Food and drink had no appeal the day of surgery.  I haven't felt much like reading or writing a blog or in my journals.  I can't do yard work or much house work because I shouldn't bend over.  But all of this is getting better and so I am writing tonight.

I have been thankful for my children's concern expressed through texts and phone calls.  My friends have been very supportive--friends from church and even my Goodreads pen pal from the state of Washington.  Jim has been very kind even when I have to ask him to pick up stuff from the floor or from the dishwasher or dryer.

One more week and we go through all of this again.  I will be very glad to have all of this behind me and ready to leave on our October trip.

Moonflowers

Several years ago I noticed a plant with spectacular white flowers while walking to the boardwalk at night in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. The next morning I looked for the flowers again but could not find them.  This seemed very strange to me until I learned that they were moonflowers which bloomed only at night--and only for one night.

 Since then I have tried to grow my own moonflower plants with greater or lesser success.  I learned that one has to start with seeds because seedlings don't seem to be available around here.  This year many of my seeds germinated.  I was able to give plants away to friends.

 The three seeds I planted have done better than ever before.  Maybe it's the compost I have used.  Or maybe just good luck!  I planted two seeds under the mailbox and they are threatening to block our mail.  I planted just one seed by the garage and bought a trellis for the vine to climb.  The plant got so large that the trellis fell over.

Last night I counted 13 large white blossoms on each plant.  I went out to take a photo this morning and it was too late.  They were already curling in on themselves.  I will pluck them off later.

Once the first blossom appeared--and you have to wait until late August-- I posted a photo on Facebook.  A friend posted a recommendation of a favorite book  The Moonflower Vine by Jetta Carleton.  The book was out of print but I got a used copy from Better World Books.

 What an absolutely lovely book!  It's the story of a family in Missouri around the turn of the century.  However it begins in the 1950s with the daughters of the family coming home for their annual two week stay with their elderly parents.  The first chapter is a happy and almost sentimental account.  So it is not a spoiler to say the book has a happy ending but as you go through the rest of the sections, each one featuring another member of the family, you see that there were times of rebellion, lust, alienation, anger and a tragic death.

The moonflower is definitely a theme in the book as the family hurries to get home to see it bloom at sunset.

"She looked around at the good thing she was granted-green fields, good pasture, shining weather. The air was fresh, the birds sang, and she had seen a white heron. Matthew was waiting for her. The children were coming home. And they would watch the moonflowers bloom. Oh, if she never got to heaven, this was enough..." 

Cataract Surgery Aborted

I have had trouble with auras around lights at night for quite a while.  This summer I began to struggle more with seeing the scores when playing the organ.  And I always take my glasses off for computer work and reading.  So it seemed time to start the process for cataract surgery.

First step--seeing an optometrist who referred me to Laser and Cataract Institute--a place Jim has visited for years for his eye problems.  It was a long and involved appointment there lasting almost three hours and ended with scheduling my surgeries and paying a down payment for their laser guided process.

This morning after fasting since midnight we checked in at Unity Hospital for my first surgery.  The whole process went surprisingly smoothly and easily compared to the more involved one for Jim last year at St. Joseph Medical Center.  I was given some anesthetic for "conscious sedation" and many drops for numbing and dilation.  But once I was rolled into surgery, the crisis began.  Apparently someone ordered the wrong lens for me and the surgery had to be aborted.

I was confused and angry and frustrated. I was partially sedated and very hungry and thirsty.  The doctor went to the waiting area and told Jim we had an issue.  Jim was concerned about what an "issue" could possibly be fearing the worst!  The doctor explained it to both of us and was very apologetic.  The director of the surgical area was also very apologetic and gave Jim a $25 Walmart gift card for our gas, she said, which I really just find insulting.   One assistant said this was the first time this had happened since the hospital opened.  I said I wasn't sure I wanted to reschedule and would have to think about it.

Cucumber Tom Collins
and Tacos

On the way home Jim got me a Krispy Kreme donut and some coffee which definitely helped!  I called the Institute to cancel a follow-up appointment and found that they already knew about the situation.  That eased my anger somewhat because I knew they were upset as well.

Meanwhile the dilation is slow to disappear from my eye and I felt a bit dizzy from the sedation or the eye strain.   We did enjoy Happy Hour at Granite City however!

 My blood pressure has been high all month and was really high today so I am going to see Dr. Blechl tomorrow.  I probably will reschedule the surgery--the office gave me my choice of times under the circumstances.  I feel like I should apologize to the doctor because it wasn't his fault.  I hope he can excuse me realizing that I was functioning under "conscious sedation."

It has been a very frustrating day.

Cottage Week

A few cottages from us--no beach at all!

Tuesday:  Maybe it will be our last week renting this "historic"  cottage right on Lake Michigan north of Tunnel Park.  We didn't rent last year and if we move East next summer, we may not rent again!

Riley Woods

It's a beautiful day right now but Jim and John had to give up golf when the weather was so wet overnight that the course couldn't open this morning. We have had one very cold day and night and then the last two nights were very hot--and no air conditioning.  The breeze off the lake helps a lot but 80 degrees inside at 11 pm is still warm.

Cobb Salad--Boatwerks

We have had three good walks--to Tunnel Park, in Riley Woods, and on the boardwalk at Ottawa Beach. We ate on the patio overlooking Lake Macatawa at Boatwerks twice--with Jim's sisters and spouses on Monday and with Lois and John after a happy hour on our deck today.

We've been here five nights without a spectacular Michigan sunset.  It's been so cloudy that the sun slips quietly away.

Wednesday:  Last night it rained so hard during the night that I woke up feeling rain on my face in bed.  It rained much of the day.  When it cleared in the late afternoon, we walked the trail and climbed the 239 steps to Mt. Pisgah and enjoyed a great view of Ottawa Beach and Lake Macatawa.

At last tonight the sunset was glorious and kept getting better and better over the next 45 minutes.

Thursday morning:  The changing weather has been a factor all week.  Last night was so cold that I put a sweater on and used an extra quilt.  This morning it was 52 degrees outside!

We have adapted to our surroundings when it comes to doing crossword puzzles together.  Without a daily New York Times in print, we go to the archives and do a puzzle together but each on our own laptop.  It certainly is neater when you make a mistake to delete a letter or two.  It is also easier when you are giving up to ask for "reveal" or "check" for a letter or word.

I've missed watching the Cubs which we have been unable to get televised after last Saturday.  I listened to a bit by radio but Jim does not enjoy that.  He gets updates and enjoys (usually) the recap on his phone.  They  won seven in a row but lost yesterday.  A new pitcher (Hamels) and a new infielder (Murphy) have been sparks for them.

Jim finally got on a golf course today.   Meanwhile I met a friend from my childhood, Judy Spanninga Schickel, at Ottawa Beach Inn for lunch.  We had not seen each other in 50 years and had a great time catching up and looking at old photos.  I wish I had asked someone to take a photo of us.  The waiter was very patient with us and said we could stay until closing at 9 pm if we wished!

Friday morning:  The sheets are in the dryer; we'll make up the bed when they are ready. We are drinking our coffee and almost ready to pack up and go home.
It's about a two hour ride and then I jump into my activities--practicing the organ for the service on Sunday, getting ready to tutor a new student on Tuesday, checking out the yard for issues, planning meals, getting groceries, and back to my purging of our stuff.

It's been a good week.  It was good to be out of our usual routines and now it will be good to be back into them.