A Tsumani of Loose Ends

 I don’t like loose ends.  I like closure.  This has been a few days with too many issues—not all that important—but too many loose ends.

I was convinced by an ACLU post in my email to give them $100 online.  Jim happened to be checking our credit card that day—the 20th of the month—and asked if I meant to give ACLU $100 four times.  No!  I called and talked to Vicki who was so appreciative of my being a long time supporter and so sorry for the error.  She said it would be fixed and they would call or email me. A few days later, there were no emails or calls but Jim said the credit card statement no longer had those four $100 gifts as “pending.”  They were gone.  I had thought if they didn’t go away, it was a worthwhile cause to stop our president.  The ACLU had argued successfully before the Supreme Court on the birthright issue.  But it is better that the mistake be corrected.  I will give to them again but I fear doing so.  Vicki told me to do it by phone but I don’t see how that would prevent errors if someone codes it in wrong.

Jim got his real ID in the mail two days ago but I did not.  He looked on our temporary IDs and it says that if you don’t get yours in 20 days, there is an email address to contact.  So I will be patient and hope this is not an issue and mine is lost somewhere in the postal system.

Jim said we had two Amazon Prime Video charges this month and how did we have two accounts?  I do a yearly Amazon Prime charge in November to get our free shipping and that is probably worth it for the convenience of ordering.  But two video charges?  It is possible that one is for BritBox and one for Premium Amazon. He cancelled the premium charge with some difficulty and we will see if we can still get the TV sports that we want to watch.  And BritBox?  We used to enjoy some shows and should look them up again for a few laughs.  

Then there was my new hair styler with puzzling instructions on a sheet that was printed so faintly that it could hardly be read.  But my patient husband helped me figure it out and the styler that has been sitting in its box for a month or more can be used the next time I wash my hair.

We had two additional $45 charges on a email statement from the wedding hotel for getting early check-in even though the kind clerk said she had removed said charges because we had called that morning.  But those charges did not come through on the last credit card statement so that was settled too.

I guess the lesson here is to always be aware of the charges on one’s accounts and to be careful about what one is signing up to give or buy.  I appreciate my husband’s patience on all these issues.  Our lives are so involved in technology that it is easy to make mistakes on our part and that of others. 

A Passport and a Real ID

 We have no travel plans but I was motivated to get a passport out of fear that President Trump was going to make it difficult for me to vote next November by requiring a birth certificate and another document that gave my married name. And I definitely want to vote to get opposition in place to that man!

  I had my photo taken at the UPS store and with some trial and error, filled out the form to get a passport.  It was not possible to renew a passport at any of our local post offices. And the online form seemed problematic to me. Our daughter-in-law Susan who always has good advice suggested we take the forms to the Rocky Hill Post Office where parking is easy and the staff is not busy and had been helpful to her in the past.  We took her advice and it worked out so well.  The clerk knew exactly where the forms had to go and how to safely mail them.  So for $130 for a passport and $12.99 for mailing, off they went. And the renewed passport came back in the mail one day before our appointment for a real ID at our local BMV.

And that was another process I dreaded.  We went over the requirements more than once and put them in two folders, one for each of us.  I had a SS card with my present name so that was helpful. Jim’s SS card printed up a variation on his middle name which concerned him.  I had a birth certificate and marriage certificate and we found utility bills in each of our names with our present address.

The lines were long at the BMV but the staff was amazingly efficient and patient and we were in and out of there within 45 minutes.  The clerk did notice the discrepancy for Jim’s name and brought it to the attention of his superior, but it passed anyway.  My clerk did not even use my new passport but felt the other certificates would be easier for the typist to read.  So for $11 dollars each, we have temporary real IDs and will get the permanent ones in the mail in a few weeks.  We have no plans to fly anywhere, but if the need arises, we will be OK. 

These two procedures caused me some anxiety but both turned out well.  We had carefully prepared for both. And the people at UPS, the post office, and the BMV were competent and helpful.  And we won’t have to do it again for a long time, maybe never! 

Katie and Eli Got Married!

 My preparations were nothing compared to what others had to do but they caused me some stress.  My “cocktail dress” was going to be too tight because I gained far too much weight in the last year.  But I had another dress in the closet, never worn, and needing a hem.  So I hemmed and pressed that and knew it would be comfortable.  I realized that I needed a slip and the only ones I had were midi length or black.  But Amazon came through with a next day shipping—even if the order was delayed probably due to the flooding of our roads.Then there was a haircut on Friday and the difficulty in scheduling an early check-in from the hotel.  

The weekend started on Saturday at the Princeton University’s Prospect House with a brunch hosted by Jeff and Susan.  It was a lovely setting in the Alan Turing Garden Room—a long walk for me from the parking lot but I made it!  Jeff noted that I “worked the room” and I did mingle and chat with people I knew and didn’t know.  

We were not planning on going to the rehearsal dinner  Saturday evening but Susan seemed to think we were included and offered to pick us up.  It seemed a bit overwhelming to me but Jeff was disappointed that we were not going, so we said thanks and took advantage of their taking care of us again.  It was a nice dinner at the Ryland Inn, the wedding setting, and there were various toasts from parents and friends.

Sunday morning Jim called the Hyatt House and got us a 2 pm check which made it easier to get to the rehearsal at 3.  Katie wanted the grandparents there to practice the procession.  And yes, it was important because we were the pace setters and the first ones in.  I set a slow enough pace with my cane in hand.  The weather was great after the previous week’s heat and storms.  The wedding coordinator was no nonsense and gave everyone their orders. 

Jim had a role in reading I Corinthians 13 which he did well.  The other reader was cousin Erin who is a rabbi in training and she read Ruth’s promise to Naomi in Hebrew and English.  

Katie was beautiful and the vows were original to each other and very touching.  Eli was quite emotional in reading his vows.  We were amused when he said that his roommates upon meeting Katie warned him “don’t mess up!”

Photos took a long time during cocktail hour and then there was a sit down dinner in which we sat with the Conways and the Moorheads.  There was dancing and toasts during the evening.  Katie and Eli’s dance was a big hit as they put on quite the choreographed show with lifts. I did  join in the Hora where Katie and Eli were lifted high on chairs in the middle of our big dance circles.  

It is hard to converse in noisy rooms.  We were happy enough to be in our quiet hotel room around 9:30 pm.  As always, I didn’t sleep well but got in a few hours and was glad to have Jim in charge of driving home this morning—after one last good-bye breakfast at the hotel.

Seven Years

It’s an anniversary for us today!  On June 30, 2019 we left South Bend for Princeton, New Jersey.  We left the AirBnB where we had been living for a month.  Our house in Granger sold so quickly that we had to move out before we planned to do so.  We found a place right next to the Notre Dame campus that we think was a prime rental for football weekends.  There must have been ten football posters on the walls. We spent that month saying good-bye to friends and good-bye to our community for 28 years.

Then on July 1, we moved into our next transitional housing at Homewood Suites just a short ride from the Barclay Square Apartments in Princeton, New Jersey where our lease began on July 17.   We spent two weeks signing up for utilities, WiFi,  library cards, driver’s licenses, and buying the necessities that we had not moved—mattresses and many bookshelves.  

Our earthly goods all arrived on time and in good condition on an incredibly hot day.  The poor movers worked hard and the A/C could not keep up with the demand for several days.  Our family all showed up for a house warming party that weekend  with time in the apartment pool and was it pizza? And we do remember the ice cream cake that wouldn’t fit in the freezer so we had to cut it in half.

It took some time to find a church, and to find medical personnel that we liked and trusted.  And there were some hard times ahead with Jim’s prostate cancer diagnosis and then the Covid pandemic that affected all our lives—even if Jim and I never succumbed to the disease itself.  

But seven years later, we can still say we really like our lovely apartment and are finding it difficult to think of uprooting ourselves for continued care senior housing.  We are so happy to be nearer our children and some of our grandchildren.  One family is just ten minutes away; another about an hour, and the third sadly some further about 2 12 hours.  But all of that is so much better than 700 miles.

We miss South Bend friends and our church—and the opportunities on Notre Dame’s campus.  But we have not regretted our move and can celebrate seven years in our new home!

A Very Sociable Week

 I read advice for those of us who are very senior citizens emphasizing the importance of social contact to prevent dementia and maybe just to encourage longevity.  Seven years ago we left a community where we had many friends and acquaintances and a church where we literally knew everyone.  We made a move to be closer to children and grandchildren and have not been sorry.  But it takes time to feel a part of a new community and a new church.  This week I have been reminded of our progress in that regard!

Sunday while waiting for Jim to park the car and join me in the pew, two people came up to me to chat.  Later we were joined in our pew by a young family we had gotten to know.  We met all of these folks through joining small study groups over the last few years.  We did our part to feel a part of a large congregation and it was good.

Sunday afternoon our former neighbors came over for a happy hour.  We have gotten together with them several times since they moved away.  Best of all, we celebrated their wedding with them over a year ago.  

Tuesday evening we went to a lecture at our church as a part of a series commemorating the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.  We sat with friends and then walked to a restaurant in Palmer Square to have dinner together.  These folks have invited us to their home more than once and we have enjoyed restaurant meals with them also.  Again, we met them through small groups at church—twice when we were hosts.

Then this morning, old friends came over for coffee and muffins.   These were friends from Raleigh days with whom we have been able to renew friendships.  We raised children together years ago and now we have grown children and grandchildren to enjoy.  Again, they are part of our church community.

A new friend of mine had surgery this week.  I am past the stage of my life of cooking meals for folks, but we went to Trader Joe’s and bought several of our favorite items and left them at her doorstep along with a TJ’s bouquet of flowers.  She has referred to this kind of purchase as “assisted living” in our own style and so it is.  She said she felt spoiled eating our favorite coffee cake and my favorite chocolate mints.  

Jim has his usual partners for golf each week and plays with one gentleman whose scores are almost the same as his.  They keep score but it is a friendly competition and they are good partners.

So are we preventing dementia and encouraging longevity?  Maybe so, but at least we are happy to have new friends and sociability in our lives.

Lamorial: Everything They’ll Need

 I assume Lamorial is a play on Tutorial or Memorial.  I saw it online and paid my money and had it sent to me, knowing that sometimes these online purchases are a big mistake.  I don’t think this one is.  The idea is to get all your passwords, accounts, access—all in one place.  So that if I outlive Jim, I can get into our accounts.  I find it all overwhelming and maybe this will help.

I have set a goal of doing one page each day.  It is not fun and we both get a bit tense about it—with Jim trying to find his user IDs and passwords which are all foreign words—they are nonsensical for me.  I have a few user IDs myself and passwords—and had to retrieve what I had from the Indiana Retired Teachers Fund where I have a small pension.  I had to create a new password because I had not accessed it online before.

Fortunately, we can skip the mortgage page and debts.  There are several bank accounts and two credit cards of which I use only one—but it is good to have a backup one and Jim does use that one.  We have some monthly subscriptions but one or the other of us would probably continue those.  (Amazon Prime, NYT) and a couple of automatic charity withdrawals. 

We have a few more pages to go and then have to find a good place to put this important volume, a place that our executor Jeff can retrieve it when we are both gone.   I am thinking that maybe the next step will be to try to access each account to see if those user IDs and passwords are accurate.

It is a painful process but probably worth doing.  There are instructions as to what to do first.  There are places to put down phone numbers for our financial advisors (one local, one in South Bend).  

Laura’s 25th Reunion

Laura was celebrating her 25th reunion from Princeton this week.  She asked if she could spend the night Thursday and of course, we were happy to have her.  It all turned out to be more of an adventure than she anticipated.

I asked her to text us when she was leaving the campus and I was in my “mother” mode and worried about her walking alone on the dark streets.  She did text us when leaving and then when she got into her car but warned us that her key fob was almost out of power and although she got the car started by putting it right next to the ignition, that it could be a problem if she parked behind our garage thus blocking us in.

There didn’t seem to be any other parking places nearby so we chanced it.  Jim googled how to replace a battery because he remembered it being an issue with one of our fobs.  Fortunately, she was able to start the car in the morning and Jim drove her to CVS to get the correct battery.  It was replaced and she was able to get back to campus for a lunch and then a 4 pm session with a 95 year old John McPhee who was one of her writing professors 25 years ago.  How lovely for him to have a group out to his home.  I will be eager to hear more about that.  I remember reading someone saying that he had the gift of making each student feel like he or she was just the greatest student ever.  

Today was the P-rade and Michael sent a video of the whole family with their signs and Princeton gear ready to march in the rain.  Not a good day for reunion celebrations!

I’ll try to include a photo of Laura in her orange blazer.  Sometimes this works; sometimes it doesn’t!