Adjusting to a New Life

 Our newest mantra is “where is it?”  Not “dump it” like it was the last week.  Where is the thermostat?  Not in the living room but in the master bedroom.  Where is the remote?  I know the Linda was careful to put it in a good place. It was in a big box of cords, etc. in the entrance closet.  Where are Jim’s eye wipes? (Still not found). Where are my somniguard tablets?  (Not found) 

Giving up the drawers in our walk in closet at Barclay Square was sad.  I put everything in the dresser and then the “girls” combined even more stuff in there.  What a hodgepodge of clothing—underwear, socks, PJs, etc.  I am switching things to the yellow chest of drawers and that means the music that was stored there has to have a new home.  That will temporarily be on the floor next to the keyboard.  

I am telling myself it does not all have to be done today.  We have successfully mastered the shower and Jim made coffee.  Out next door neighbor Ruth stopped by with chocolates and to welcome us.  Our friend Pam Wakefield is coming by soon to welcome us and answer any questions.  Jim has already contacted maintenance because the kitchen sink won’t drain.  

Once Xfinity comes (and they are on their way), we can hook up to the portal here and get the package concierge so we can order from Amazon again.  And figure out how to get the NYT weekend papers again.  We are doing fine with our digital access but without WiFi we could not do our puzzle.  

Actually, there are still several items in the car.  And we have to go to Barclay Square this afternoon for a move out walkthrough to see what damages we have done.  Not any I hope but they have charged us for carpet cleaning and probably will charge us for the oven. 

But for now, I am looking out our living room window at the beautiful tree changing colors.  I see people walking by on the paths.  We can make a good life here! 

————Our parking spot was open for us today so whoever had taken it over has given up.  Jim had trouble dealing with the entry door near the car and we don’t know what the issue was.  We did our move out walk through at Barclay Square and signed up for the $300 cleaning but learned that we won’t have to pay for carpet cleaning after all because the place was due for new carpet.  You win some, you lose some!  And speaking of losing some, even though we are signed up for the meal plan, we just spent $57 at ShopRite on snacks, fruit, etc.  Where is the peanut butter?  We could not find it in our cupboards so had to buy more.  I suppose we will find it now!  

—————-

October 31. We are not missing trick or treating from our second floor apartment.  That was always a challenge!  We have made progress in our new way of living today.

We made a trip to Trader Joe’s this morning and decided that may be a bit far to do often.  But we enjoyed using the cart that Jim put together to carry our groceries from the car to the apartment.  Then sadly, I somehow lost the magnetic base for my required name tag.  Jim retraced our steps but it must have fallen off and gotten lost under the leaves.  We will get a new one on Monday when Katie, the residence director is in.

This afternoon was taken up with a ND win over Navy.  The TV is hooked up and Xfinity says their testing says there is a problem.  We did note that the video does not seem exactly coordinated with the audio.  They will come back to adjust if that is the issue.  

It was a beautiful fall day and I have realized that I can walk with far greater back comfort if I use my walker.  So we did a nice walk on the Stonebridge campus heading down to a lovely little pond.  These halls are long inside the buildings so the walker is very helpful, even if a blow to my pride. But then so is the cane I usually use. 

We learned how to order take-out at the cafe and filled out a form with our choices.  It was ready to be picked up at 4 pm.  So we ate really early and did have to microwave the supper because it was lukewarm.  I am learning what makes a good meal.  The best meal this week of the three thus far for me was the chicken sandwich which is available every night as is a burger.  The spinach salad with my meal was very good tonight.  We didn’t order dessert but enjoyed our Trader Joe’s ice cream.  It was good to eat in our own room watching TV.

November 2. All is fine here except the crisis of not having WiFi.  It disappeared yesterday.  An Xfinity technician is coming Wednesday morning but we are so used to having it immediately available.  Yesterday we sat in the Stonebridge “living room” and used their Guest WiFi and we were able to do our NYT crossword puzzle together.  We can do that again today.  

We can walk to our church’s small group meeting at a cottage on the grounds here.  We will order takeout for supper again—but maybe just soup will be enough.  I have two leftover meals in the refrigerator as it is.

We are still in the “where is it?” mode.  I can’t find two of my lighter weight sweaters.  Jim can’t find his eye wipes and one of his OTC drops.  We do have our second load of laundry going so that is progress.  

Two More Days and M Day!

 This morning we met with Francesca Fogg, the sales agent at Stonebridge, to finalize the process.  We signed a 40 page document of rules and regulations.  Jim wrote out two large checks, one for the buy in and then one for the life care option.  Francesca gave us our fobs, our nametags, and our security bracelets.  And a box of chocolates!  

We decided to take a look at our new place.  It smelled very new.  It looked very nice!  I was happy to note that we can see a tree outside our windows, not just a grassy lawn.  It looked like plenty of kitchen storage space but maybe not as much closet space as we have here.  The living room floor looks pretty bare.  We may have to add carpeting later as we have done in the bedrooms. Jim was happy to see overhead lighting which we don’t have now.  

We checked out the walking distance to the cafe and dining hall and brought a copy of the menu home with us.  I may be happy to use my walker again for those long halls. 

Tomorrow the packers will be here at 9 am.  Tonight is clean out the refrigerator night but sadly there is quite a bit left in the freezer and refrigerator.  I hate to throw out food but I did get rid of mostly frozen leftovers.  The packers will just have to move some food into the new place after all. 

———-We made one more trip to Dollar Tree tonight because Jim was out of dishwasher cubes and I wanted some Dollar Tree mints.  We are packing up suitcases for tomorrow and Thursday because once the packers go to work, things will be out of reach for us.  That is an anxiety-producing exercise for me because I don’t want to be without my medications, my earplugs, my somniguard—let alone clothes and pjs.  I asked Jim how I could rescue my warm down bathrobe from the packers and he suggested putting it in the car.  (We plan to put some medications and our strong box in the car.) 

Tomorrow night the Moorheads are having us over for dinner.  48 more hours and we can hope to be in our lovely new apartment having had a meal in the dining hall with Stonebridge friends who have organized a table.  No TV sports yet that night—that will be our Xfinity appointment Friday morning. Maybe Saturday we can relax.  And enjoy watching Irish football.  Will we need a few groceries?  Probably but not much.  Then Sunday will be the adventure of taking a bus to church and having brunch afterwards with our Nassau friends.     To be continued!! 

————-It’s 9:15 pm and I was looking for a little freezer bag to put a tweezer in so it didn’t get lost in the suitcase.  And I find maybe a dozen or more plastic forks and spoons and knives in the drawer.  Into the trash!  Then Jim comes up with some flower food.  Do I want it?  No, into the trash.  Earlier this evening he found NYC Metro cards from years ago behind some of his medications.  I despair!  When will there be an end to stuff to dump?  The answer is tomorrow.  There has to be an end when the packing starts.  

October 28. The “girls” as our moving manager called them just left at about 1:30 having arrived around 9:15.  They took a short lunch break around our dining room table having used our microwave to fix some meals.  They worked hard and our apartment is full of boxes.  

I thought my phone cord was packed but Jim found it on the living room coffee table where I had put everything we did not want them to pack.  Good for me!  Jim wanted a snack for lunch but everything was packed away—except for there was a hard-boiled egg in the refrigerator.  He forgot to tell the ladies that there were dishes in the dishwasher so they will have to be packed tomorrow.  Good—because then there are sharp knives to cut up an apple if we wish.  This living in this transition is not fun but soon we will be settled in to our new place.  The “girls” will be there tomorrow to unpack things.  

Meanwhile there are some issues with new paving at our apartment complex and the trash receptacles are hidden somewhere.  Tony, one of the maintenance men, took our bags of trash away.  We just hope it won’t be a problem for the movers tomorrow.  We have warned the moving company and Eboni, our leasing manager here, and hope they can find a way around the work.  

What a contrast to seven years ago when we packed everything.  We made many trips to Menards to get more boxes and then it was a bother to break them down for recycling afterwards.  This time we are paying for service and that is good.  It still is not easy!  

Tonight we can watch another World Series game because the Tampa Bay Rays kept the Brewers from sweeping the series with a 12th inning walk-off single last night. 

October 29. We are in our new home at A107 Stonebridge and it is lovely.  The movers came at 8:30 and were so efficient in packing things up and moving them out.  We walked through the apartment to make sure it was empty.  There were a few things we missed—like the bag of toys on the floor of the closet in the second bedroom.  It gave me a lump in my throat to say good-bye to a place where we had a good life for seven years. 

 We decided to do a BK lunch and then headed to Stonebridge where the movers and ladies were hard at work.  We sat in the lounge until they called us to look over the placement of the furniture.  Everything looked great!  And the ladies had unpacked everything making it look so livable with knick-knacks in place and photos on shelves.  

One little snag—someone else was in our reserved covered parking place.  Francesca will figure that one out and  find out who the guilty culprit is!  She asked if we took a photo of the car.  Never occurred to us to do so!  

We are very pleased with how lovely it all looks.  And now we are waiting for friends to stop by and walk us to the dining room for dinner.  We feel welcomed!  

No TV yet.  That will get hooked up tomorrow.  No WiFi either until Xfinity comes in the morning.  So no TV sports or NYT crossword puzzle yet.  It is a process and it has been a process but we are very pleased and thankful at this point.  

—————-We could not find the TV remote but eventually found it in a box of electronic stuff in a closet (like the router too.)  We could not find the thermostat but eventually found it in the master bedroom.  Jim just found the laundry detergent.  My duffle bag of shoes?  On top of the closet that will be Jim’s closet. I think this may be our cry of despair for a few days.  

Closing the windows which were wide open for fresh air was a bit tricky.  Closing the blinds also took a bit of maneuvering.  Where to put our name tags which we need to wear on campus?  In a good spot so we don’t lose them or forget them when we walk out the door. How about the table behind the loveseat?  The table that used to be in our foyer and we are really happy to have found a place for it here too even if there is no foyer. 

Dinner worked out well.  We were given a complimentary dinner to welcome us so no points used as of today.  I may learn to ask for half portions because there was too much meat and potato’s for me to finish.  We were able to take it to go however.  We brought a bottle of wine to the table so that worked out well. I asked the ladies to each take a bottle of wine with them to thank them for their hard work and they were a bit hesitant but their team leader gave them the OK!  Tomorrow we eat with other friends and there is also a reservation made for us for Sunday brunch when apparently the post-church crowd is treated to mimosas or wine.  

Countdown to Moving Day

 Yesterday, October 15, Laura came for lunch and left with artwork from her childhood, movie tapes to be digitalized,, photo albums, some books for Henry, a “vintage” blanket from my parents, and even a “vintage” dress that I wore to one of Jeff’s Math Olympiad dinners at the State Department more than 30 years ago.  I just could not put that in the Green Drop pile.  I don’t know what she will do with it! 

Then last night Jeff and Susan made another trip here to pick up two of the black bookcases to pass on to our grandchildren.  They had previously taken two other bookcases and some glassware. 

Today, Linda from Byron Home and Linda from the moving company came to do our “walkthrough.”  Many photos were taken of what needs to be packed and what will be left behind for them to dispose of.  Linda praised us for all we had done already and I felt affirmed.  I think they come into places where a lot of sorting and downsizing still needs to be done and we have done a lot.  

Linda stressed that they will make it as easy as possible to settle into our new place—with food put away, dishes unpacked and even beds made.  I think we have been told us it is best to stay out of the apartment until they are finished and then come in to okay placement of things.  I am thinking that might be my time for that piece of carrot cake I saw in the Stonebridge cafe—my reward.  I can just sit in the Stonebridge lounge with my laptop.  

October 19   I said that there was nothing on our agenda today for our big move but I was wrong.  We got an estimate from the movers and had questions about it.  Jim got information from Eboni about getting the carpets cleaned and our resposibity for that and took care of those appointments.  I agreed to a pickup service on Friday for items that we are not moving—all at an extra charge.  The money is flowing out but we don’t have much choice in much of it.  We did agree to “the works” for making things easier and so far I do believe Byron Home is coming through on that.

A happy thought is that we have friends asking us over for meals two of the nights of moving week and a friend at Stonebridge arranging a dinner for our first night there in the dining hall.  We have friends!  And for that we can be very thankful.  

October 22  Yesterday I met my friend Peggy for a chat at the Barclay Square playground as we do every week or two.  She reminded me that may be our last meeting with my being able to just walk over there.  Afterwards, I felt very melancholy about that thought.  But in an email later, she told me that her car knows the way to Stonebridge.  We will just have to put out a little more effort into our meeting.

Today Jim printed up the 40 page document we have to sign next week with Francesca.  All the rules and regulations and warnings about life at Stonebridge.  It is overwhelming and I have to tell myself others have signed and as Jim reminded me that Stonebridge or its parent company Springpoint is a business.  So we will sign even without asking an attorney to look it over.

But then tonight I fixed pork chops for supper.  I put them in the oven with broccoli and potato’s at 400 degrees for about 15 minutes.  The broccoli was done before that.  The potato’s were not done when the meat was done.  The meat was dry even with BBQ sauce on it.  It was not a great meal.  And soon, our meals will be provided for us and I really do look forward to that.  

October 25  I keep finding things to throw out.  Old news clippings.  Magazines.  Princeton Art Museum quarterlies.  Tomorrow I will go through room by room and determine what else can go.  We don’t want to move stuff that we don’t want or need. A few more things are going into the Green Drop pile for tomorrow morning.  Is this their 5th trip here?  I have been grateful for their service.  Seven years ago it was our frequent trips to the Goodwill container in the Martin’s parking lot.  This is so convenient. 

It would be so much easier to stay right here where we have been happy.  But this can’t last and that is what is sobering about this move.  One of us will outlive the other one at Stonebridge.  One of us will be alone there at some point.  And then it would be good to have the support of others and the security of medical and emergency personnel.  One of the hymns this morning at church spoke to me:

1 God of our life, through all the circling years,
we trust in you;
in all the past, through all our hopes and fears,
your hand we view.
With each new day, when morning lifts the veil,
we own your mercies, Lord, which never fail.

2 God of the past, our times are in your hand;
with us abide.
Lead us by faith, to hope's true Promised Land;
be now our guide.
With you to bless, the darkness shines as light,
and faith's fair vision changes into sight.

3 God of the coming years, thro' paths unknown
we follow you;
when we are strong, Lord, leave us not alone;
our faith renew.
Be now for us in life our daily bread,
our heart's true home when all our years have sped.

Source: Hymns of Promise: a large print songbook #147

Through paths unknown!  When all our years have sped.  So this is the big week!  Next week we hope to take the bus to church and join our fellow bus riders for brunch in the dining hall afterward.  

I think I will post this blog now and then record the last week here as it goes. 

Day by Day Progress

 October 9?  I will keep a running record of what we are doing each day in preparation for this big move.  This will be of little interest to anyone but Jim and me but we will be happy to read about all we did when we are comfortably settled into our new home.

Yesterday Jim called State Farm to change our renter’s policy to the new place—and change our address.  Today he called Xfinity to arrange turning our system off here on October 29 and setting up the new one on October 30.  It actually is going to cost us less money because the basic cable package is part of our Stonebridge monthly fee. Jim said the salesperson, was quite chatty and wondered what he had taught and then asked if he had been to the Holy Land.  Well, as it turned out that it was the amusement park she had in mind, not the land of Israel!  

I went to the USPS site online to put in an address change for October 29.  Nothing is easy but eventually I made it work and did not sign up for additional services being advertised by them. I think I did not!  They did charge me $1.25 for some reason, but I turned down extended forwarding services at greater prices. 

I changed the Green Drop pick up from October 12 to October 19 so that Laura can look over anything she might want when she comes later this week and what is left I will give to them.  I tried on a dress I have not worn for years and it was too small, of course, so that goes into the giveaway pile. 

We threw out plastic leftover containers and tops that did not match.  I’m looking for a safe way to dispose of Mounjaro injectables.  

I bought an inexpensive landline phone from Amazon because our friend Pam says that is how you communicate in the community.  Stonebridge has its own phone exchange so we do not pay for that.  I bought a cart at her suggestion too—to transport groceries, etc. from the parking lot which will be quite a walk.  We will miss having a garage.  

So that is it for today.  Unless I get inspired to do more.  I wake up in the middle of the night and write things down and even emailed Laura about a plan. It will be so good to be settled in—in a few weeks.

October 10. My goal for today was to empty the drawers in our walk-in closet because the closets at Stonebridge are smaller and there won’t be drawer space there.  That meant finding room in my two dressers which are already full-one in the second bedroom is full of music and summer clothes.  But I made an effort to throw out some things and give other things to Green Drop. 

 Again, I had so many lovely scarves that I have forgotten I have.  Maybe I will dress with more care wth living with so many others around us.  I will probably forget where I have put my bathing suit and all the belts I never use and then there are all those panty hose I never wear. The top drawer in my dresser has always been where I stored my stash of chocolate—my antidepressant cure.  And that’s where I keep some of the nice things Jim has written to me for birthdays and anniversary’s.  Those can stay there!  A place for underwear and socks is less important.  

October 11 Israel Mizrahi, the Brooklyn bookseller, came at 6:10 am and left with a van full of Jim’s books.  How much did he pay Jim? It never came up, Jim said.  It’s OK.  We are both relieved to have so many books go to someone who can do something with them and not just fill a landfill. I managed to sleep through the whole process thanks to ear plugs and a sleep aid. I thought it was a night to indulge in help!  Jim set his alarm for 5;30 am so he could be ready to greet Israel.  The early time was necessary so he could return to NYC for his nephew’s bris.  He said he had ten children of his own. 

I wish I could add photos of the shelves he took and of the pile of books Jim kept for his own use—now on our bedroom floor.  

But this is a day of great progress.  Jim will not call in students to glean books, which may be a shame but this was easier and it is done!  

Jeff and Susan brought us pizza and left with the metal shelving in the garage and the smaller wooden bookcase in Jim’s study.  The metal shelving will go in their basement and Katie will take the wooden bookcase.  Plus they took some glassware and a 9X13 glass baking dish—because I don’t need two of them.  I rarely even use one!

October 12 

Amazon delivered the landline telephone and shopping cart that I ordered at Pam Wakefield’s suggestion as well as some plastic containers that we can store meds in.  We filled out our mail-in votes but will not register to vote in Somerset County until after we move.  Otherwise we didn’t do much today.  Probably there is not much to do this week until we have our two meetings with Byron Home on Wednesday and Friday.

October 13. I just emptied the closet in the yellow bedroom of all my winter things. There is an article in the NYT today about the neuroscience of decluttering and why it is so difficult.  I do not need all the warm sweaters that I own but I love every one of them.  So I will not part with them just yet.  If there isn’t room for them at Stonebridge, I may have to do so with regrets.  Others may need the warmth.  But while emptying the closet, I found a shadow silhouette and wondered who it was!  Jim!   So we saved it all these years.  Now to dump it?  That hurts.  

It is so strange to look at all the empty bookshelves in the hall.  But a relief to have all of those books gone.  

October 14  Deborah, our space planner, sent us a preliminary drawing of our new home and everything fits!  Almost everything.  We cannot take all six black bookshelves but three of them should fit in the living room along a wall.  Susan says she could pass bookshelves on to our grandchildren! The cedar chest and Jim’s favorite mission chair are in!  And even my keyboard has a place under a window in the second bedroom.  And the lovely glass table we have in our entryway will fit behind the loveseat in the living room.  And nothing looks crowded!  Hooray!

There are three closets and they are not as large as what we have now.  I am thinking the bathtub which we never use here will be my storage place for the boxes of weekly calendars and Blog2Print books I have accumulated over the years.  And maybe the toys we have saved.  

 I am very happy with Deborah’s work and happy with the way it looks.  And relieved.  

It’s still two weeks until we move and we have assigned ourselves tasks for many of those days. But we are making progress and I think I will post this and start a new entry after our “walkthrough” with the movers on Friday. 

There’s Still Time!

 Every day I go through more belongings.  I am constantly making decisions: throw it away, give it to Green Drop, or save it with the idea that I will use it again. 

I went through jewelry this morning and realized that I never wear any of it.  Why don’t I?  Maybe for the same reason I stopped wearing makeup a few years ago (except for lipstick).  Covid kept us at home.  Then it was my hip surgeries keeping us at home.  I forgot I had most of the jewelry I had accumulated over the years.  Well, I can start wearing it now—maybe as we will be dining with others much of the time at Stonebridge.  I will put out a little more effort!

I have already mentioned the many books I think I will read again.  I would have to have a few years left to do that—and not get distracted by the latest mystery from a favorite author.

And the CDs—so much beautiful music.  I need to make an effort to put one on and enjoy it.

And the piano music.  Maybe having that beautiful Steinway piano in the Stonebridge auditorium will send me to try my Bach and Debussy and Satie and even Einaude again—they will sound better than they could on the keyboard.  

Should I vow to make these changes in my life?  Maybe not just yet.  Maybe it will be enough to get moved in, unpacked, and adjusted to a new way of life.  Then I will try to amend my ways.

We Have a Move-in Date

 This morning we met with Dawn, the nurse at Stonebridge, for our assessment.  She went over our medical forms and gave us procedure and safety recommendations.  And she also evaluated us to determine our competency.  Jim told me later that he did not tell me she was going to do a memory task because he knew I would get all worried about that. 

It was quite a session with the usual questions about who was president now and who was president before and what day, month, and year it was.  But more inventive were a math question asking us to subtract numbers (take seven from 31 and then keep going) and a request to repeat the letters in a word backwards (world—dlrow).  We managed to convince Dawn that we could be “independent.” 

And now we have dates to add to the long list of to do items for October.  October 27 is our settlement meeting with Francesca when we give her our payment and sign some more forms. October 28 will be the packing day and October 29 the actual moving day and unpacking day.  We will try to schedule October 30 for our much needed WiFi and TV hookup with Xfinity.  

Jim has the Brooklyn bookseller coming this weekend to buy books we hope.  I have three more bags of books for the library donations but I will have to live a long time to reread all the books that I cannot give up.  I found the record player and will try it out tomorrow and then may have to keep those old Pat Boone and Janis Joplin records.  I went over our stack of CDs and wondered why I never listen to so many beautiful recordings. I will amend my ways.  

When I posted the subject line “Going, Going, Gone” for the movie tapes I found in a closet, both Laura and Jeff stopped me and said they would take some and consider digitalizing the record of their childhood.  I think by the time Dan came along our camera was in need of repair.  Laura is setting a time to make the trip from Gladwyne to pick up some artwork and books and whatever else I can convince her to take!

Today was a day of progress!  It will be so good to be settled in our new home.

————-October 7 Here are a few updates.  The record player works and Pat Boone sang out to me nice again.  Jim and I will have to hear Johnny Mathis and Simon and Garfunkle again too.

I thought that I had no goals today for going through stuff but when I went to put away my prescriptions in the closet, I found three bags of Covid tests—all outdated and quickly thrown out.  That was easy.  No decisions involved!  I decided that the six photo albums could be moved to Stonebridge as they are even if the only place for them is on the floor.  I can go over them at my leisure and put photos into envelopes which will take a lot less room.  And I don’t need six photos of sunsets at South Haven and as precious as they were, maybe not as many baby photos of the grandchildren.

This afternoon Debra from Byron Homes called to go over the placement of our furniture at Stonebridge. I was worried that not everything would fit in a smaller apartment, but it looks like we will be OK.  I would be so sad if my mother’s hope chest would have to go—plus it is full of memorabilia.  And Jim needs his study room chair with his armrests for his morning cup of coffee and his daily Hebrew reading.  Some things just cannot be given up!  Debra was so helpful even keeping in mind where the cable outlets were. 

At this point I think the extra we are paying to Byron Homes to facilitate this move will be worth it.  Debra will email us a plan of the apartment with everything drawn in.  

Thursday Nights with Mounjaro

 When it comes time for my weekly injection of Mounjaro, I can’t believe it has been a whole week.  I feel as if I just stuck myself 24 hours ago.  And I rebel because I didn’t want to do it again. Each time it is a bit intimidating because the procedure does not seem to take place like the instructions say.  There is no up to ten seconds between clicks—the clicks are simultaneous and then we carefully look for a little red puncture wound and the fact that the plunger is down in the apparatus.  And we do know that I push away from the table before I finish my meals and I have lost  maybe five pounds and I do have some indigestion although not bad at all.  So there are signs that it has happened and has its effects. 

When I was feeling a bit sorry for myself,  I remembered how Jim drove down Route 1 to UCA for 44 days of radiation.  He didn’t complain—at least not much.  Just when the routine got changed when there was a machine malfunction.  And all of this with Covid precautions so I really could not keep him company even when he got to ring the bell on his last day of treatment. And now five years later, he is doing well with one good follow-up test after another every six months.  

So I am doing this to get that A1C down to pre-diabetes levels again and Dr. Delacruz assures me that it will be successful.  I know it is worth avoiding diabetes to lessen the danger of heart disease and strokes.  

So that’s it for another week.  I am grateful there is a treatment that I can do and that I can afford the medication and that my husband is right here to support me through this each week.