Christmas Music

My friend Sue texted me the other day telling me to listen to a broadcast from the Cathedral Choral Society in Washington,DC. I was happy she sent me the idea because the music lightened my mood and lifted my spirits. It also brought back memories of Christmases past when music was such a big part of celebration. 

A Wedding

Last Saturday, December 12, Dan and Alex were married in a 2020 ceremony via Google Meets. They were in their Catskills cabin next to their Christmas tree. Their witnesses, neighbors Jan and Fran, were on their porch with a computer. I don't know where the very capable wedding officient Alice was. We were on Jeff and Susan's deck where they had a TV set up surrounded by festive poinsettias. Laura and her gang were in Gladwyne. Alex's family were in Queens. It was lovely. The officient spoke about the permanence of their vows and of their love lasing through the years. They exchanged rings--improvised twine because they didn't yet have their gold bands. We had champagne and cupcakes. Jim and I both gave short toasts.

And then we went to buy groceries and went home to reheated turkey chili as if it were an ordinary Saturday! Dan and Alex can look forward to the closing on their house on December 21--and maybe a celebration there in 2021 when this pandemic is under control.

I took great delight in one little vignette. Alex's mom Martha asked who proposed--Dan or Alex? They said that it was a conversation. Alex and Dan said that I had asked in an email when they said they were buying a house if they were secretly married. I had said that we were happy they were committed to each other in buying a house together. After I had done that, I had regrets for my boldness! But at the time, Alex responded with a happy face saying that they were committed to each other but not secretly married. They said that got the conversation going! So I have no regrets for my outspokenness.

Reading Mysteries

Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys were series that I devoured as a child. Recently I reread a Nancy Drew mystery and still enjoyed it although found it sexist and pretty predictable.

 

Breath Prayers (written in late September)

Trigger alert--If you are reading this post and voted for President Trump, you may want to stop reading right now! I don't want to offend anyone but I also want to record the events and my reactions in the last few weeks. ----------September--During the months when Jim was receiving radiation, I spent some time each day using "breath prayers."   I breathed in "healing" and breathed out "fears."   I think this calmed my spirit.  We are in a good place right now for Jim's healing although he will have regular blood tests.

I thought that I should continue to use these breath prayers to calm my spirit about the political process and the upcoming election.  I prayed these breath prayers at the grotto along the tow path yesterday.  It was a beautiful spot and very peaceful.  I could see reflections in the canal and hear the rustling of the leaves making a canopy over me.   But when I prayed for healing, my anger takes over.  

Yesterday President Trump refused to say that he would accept the results of the election should he lose.   He says it will be rigged  and would have to go to the Supreme Court.   It is unimaginable that we should have a president who refuses to leave office if he loses.  It makes me sick in my stomach to hear about this threat to our country and to read that the Russian media is expecting civil war in the United States.   There have been vocal Trump supporters telling folks to buy ammunition and we know Trump has called out federal troops to clear out protestors in Lafayette Square when he wanted his photo op holding a Bible at a nearby church. 

Jim says there will be others who will uphold the law.  I don't trust the Republican senate to do so.  I hope I trust the Supreme Court--even if the 9th appointee is appointed by Trump in the next few days and approved by the Republican senate.  If it is Amy Barrett from Notre Dame, I think she would vote her own mind and not be beholden to the one who appointed her.   

But I am scared and angry.  So when I tried to pray for healing for our country yesterday, I just felt angry at the disastrous situation we are in.   There is an ignorance of science and a lack of civility at the top of our government.   How can Trump hold rallies with people close together and not wearing masks?  How can we trust a vaccine if it is rushed through by election day?   How can we respect a leader who uses name calling to mock his opponents?  Who just yesterday made fun of Joe Biden saying he has spent all that money on plastic surgery just to hide behind a mask!   What a juvenile way to treat an opponent and to make the crowd cheer in approval!   

This will be the third post I have written and not actually put on my blog.  I hesitate to offend anyone--although with very few exceptions my small number of readers would agree with my point of view.  But my blogs are written for me--as a record of our lives and for my Blog2Print book at the end of the year.  And this is what we are living through right now.  Jim tells me not to read what folks post on Facebook.  But I can't avoid the news.  I turn on the TV news while doing my exercises or see it come up every day on my online news sources.  It is not easy to ignore.    

So I will try to pray for healing for our country. My anger does not do me any good.   I want to be proud to be an American and feel patriotic again.  

--------------October 23 I still haven't posted this blog. We have voted and put our ballots in a box at the township offices. 47 million have already voted. There was another debate last night. I can't imagine that many have yet to decide how they will vote. Earlier this week I woke up at 2 am and found myself praying for a peaceful transition after the election. I have voted in presidential elections since 1968 and have never felt the need to pray for a peaceful result. But this time I do hope for a change but also if there is one, that it is done without the instigation of violence and charges of fraud which Trump has threatened.

Golf for One; Grotto and Youtube for the Other

Jim has been playing golf once a week at the MIddlesex Meadows course. He signs up for a tee time and plays with others who have also signed up as singles or doubles. Usually this works out well for him. Sometimes he even plays with a previous partner. Today the weather is cold but it is not raining so he is out there again. He may not get in 18 holes this late in the fall because the sun sets at 4:30.

This is one of the rare times that we are apart in the week--the other is my hour of practice at the organ at the Kingston Presbyterian Church at noon on Thursdays. I have my own routine when Jim golfs. He drops me off at the entrance to Barclay Square and I walk to the grotto along the towpath. It is a good spot to meditate and pray. I usually use Sacredspace.ie on my phone. I observe the changing of the seasons--today noticing that there were no longer leaves floating in the canal because most of the trees are bare. There were not as many people walking on the towpath but there was still one kayaker on Lake Carnegie. I didn't hear as many birds today but could hear traffic noise and probably roadwork noise across the water.

Life in a Pandemic

 Maybe I don't really want to remember the odd routines of life during this Covid pandemic. But I am motivated to record them and hope they become a thing of the past. Some changes will last. And getting back to "normal" may take a long time. We have been told there will be no church choir rehearsals until there is a vaccine. We just returned from our weekly Saturday trip to McCaffrey's--the Princeton grocery store that we use most often. We wore our masks but the aisles are no longer marked one way only. We can bring our reusable bags now but we made a mistake by putting them down on the conveyer belt. That must spread germs. We pack those bags ourselves. Jim reminded me that at least the shelves are full now. A few months ago, there were empty places--no toilet paper,canned beans, spray cleaners. As soon as we get into the car, we use hand sanitizer.

 

A Hudson River Road Trip

This was our fourth fall river road trip in the last several years.  We have done the upper Mississippi, the lower Mississipi and the Ohio River.  This year it was the Hudson River road trip with the bonus of being able to visit family and friends along the way.

We left Tuesday around 11:30 am.  Our first stop was Olana, the elaborate Moorish house that Frederic Church built in the mid-1800s.  After a bad experience years ago, we don't do house tours but we were eager to see the view of the Hudson River from the grounds of the estate.   And it was magnificent.

From there we headed north to Troy, home of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute where we checked into a Courtyard by Marriott with an upgraded riverfront room.  The real purpose of our visit was to have dinner with our grandson James.  We found his off campus house easily and headed to Dinosaur BBQ where we could have patio dining on the river.   We enjoyed southern ribs and pulled pork meals complete with corn bread and sweet potato casserole and for two of us, great beer.   James' college experience is very strange thanks to Covid.  Most of his classes are online even though he is near campus.  He does go into RPI a few times each week. 

Covid also affects hotel stays.  There was no place to get a breakfast in the hotel so we walked to a nearby Starbucks.   As it turned out, it was a difficult uphill walk crossing very busy streets sometimes without signals.   We ordered at the Starbucks but we were not allowed to eat inside.  We brought our coffees and sweets outside and I immediately got stung by a bee.   I sat down on the curb and a kind young man came up to check on me.  He went inside and got me a plastic glove full of ice.  We found a nearby bench across the mall area and I recovered enough to walk downhill back to the hotel.   

Trinity Episcopal Church

Our plan was to meet Dan in Rensselaerville and hike at the Huyck Preserve there.  We got there early and walked through the charming old village.  But our hike was aborted due to rain so instead we drove to Dan and Alex's home on Engel Road near Potter Hollow where we enjoyed Alex's pear cake and the view from their porch.   

It was really peak leaf peeping time in the Catskills with the hills a panorama of color.   We left Engel Road shortly before three and drove to the Hampton Inn off I87 in New Paltz.  Our plan was to eat in the garden patio at Garvan's, an old Dutch farmhouse but the weather was so windy and cold that we asked if they could place us inside.  Fortunately they had room even with the need for social distancing.  We had a lovely leisurely meal with Dan and Alex. 

Engel Road

We left New Paltz around 9:30 this morning and drove to Dobb's Ferry where Sue VanEngen was visiting her son Stefan and his family.   We hadn't seen Sue for a year since we moved so it was a treat to visit and to see Stefan's lovely neighborhood of historic houses.   Sharon, Stefan's wife, had purchased a spread from a nearby deli for lunch which we ate in the backyard.

We were home before 3 pm feeling that we had seen beautiful scenery and had more sociability than we usually have in this time of social distancing.  

Jim had a three month follow up doctor's visit and blood test just before we left on Tuesday.  The results were supposed to be in yesterday but when we got home he had a frustrating experience of trying to access his portal to get results.  And when he finally got the password and access code all working, the results were not in.  So we will have to wait a bit more for what we hope will be low numbers again after his spring radiation treatments.  I have been very anxious about these results but it was good to be distracted for a few days and not think as much about doctors' appointments and lab tests.  

There is so much more we could see and do in the Hudson River Valley area but we hope to have other opportunities to travel that way again especially if Dan and Alex make that their home instead of returning to New York City.  

Time with Three Conway Fellows

 Laura was off on an adventure with the three older children.  Alex (age 5) was supposed to have a sleepover with us so that he could have an adventure too but he was not feeling very brave.  So Michael wondered if we could come to spend time in Gladwyne with them.   We left Saturday morning hoping to be in time for Alex's teeball game but that was cancelled due to rain.  So we spent the afternoon hanging out with Michael and Alex and Henry (almost 9 months).   Michael took advantage of our being there to get in a long run. Later in the afternoon, Jim and I took Henry for a walk in his new stroller.  Henry chattered most of the way making happy baby noises.

After supper Michael with some difficulty was happy to find the Aggies playing a conference game with Vanderbilt on the SEC2 network.  The Aggies were supposed to be a 35 point favorite; the final score was a 17 to 12 win. Michael paused the game a few times in order to get Henry to bed; I convinced Alex to surprise his dad by secretly getting ready for bed and pretending he was asleep.  It was a good surprise for his dad! The game was not pleasing to Michael but it was a W!

Henry does not sleep soundly so Michael was up a few times during the night with him.   At 7:30 am we sent the patient Daddy back to bed for a while and helped with the boys.  

Henry is the happiest little fellow and responds with big smiles to us.   When I would sing a song like Row, Row, Row your Boat, he would make motions to do it again and again.   He is just beginning to crawl and we were amused to see how motivating the Minecraft sword was to get him moving in that direction.  

Alex and Minecraft--that is his world but it is one big puzzle for Jim and me.  Fortunately, Michael seems to understand it and is willing to patiently play the video game with him even if he says it can make him nauseous!

At 11 today we headed to Alex's rescheduled teeball game in Aardmore.  En route Michael showed us the estate he and Laura are buying.  The setting was magnificent on a private road with a large expanse of lawn.  We will be eager to see the historic house and gardens later this year or next.  They probably won't be moving until work is done which may be next spring.  

Teeball was a trip down memory lane with a lopsided score and kids unable to find the bases easily when running and fighting with their own teammates to field a ball.   Henry was happy enough sitting on the blanket outside or being held by his dad or grandpa watching the game.   It will be his life for many years as the young one with four older siblings.   

We left for home after the game.  Our house seems strangely silent but at our age that may be best.   Having livesteam church meant that it was available to us at 5 pm.

Living here on the east coast makes these short visits possible.   In a few weeks Michael may .be going to an Aggies game with a few of the older children.  I think we should offer to help Laura out on her single parenting weekend.  

Good Things Happen at the Grotto

 Over the years I have lit a candle at the Notre Dame Grotto and prayed.  I remember a time when Dan was very unhappy in second grade and I chatted with Our Lady herself telling her she was a mother too and should know how concerned I was for Dan.   That situation resolved itself with another school and a happy boy. There were many such times over the years not always with such clear answers.

We were surprised and pleased to find a grotto just a ten minute walk from our apartment along the towpath by the Delaware Raritan Canal.  It may be left from the days that there was a St. Joseph Seminary across the street in a large campus now used by a private elementary school.   It is not as impressive as the one at Notre Dame and it would be unsafe to light a candle.   But at least I don't feel I should donate $3!

Last week when Jim went golfing, I went there and used the Sacred Space app on my phone.  In the morning, Chris Rea, our pastor in South Bend, had prayed for me at my request at the Women's Bible Study.  I asked to find ways to use my skills here in Princeton.  While sitting on a bench there, my phone dinged with a text from Lauren McFeaters, one of our pastors here.  She made an appointment to chat with me about opportunities.  It was progress toward answering my prayer!

Today again when Jim went golfing, I walked down the path and sat on the bench praying particularly for a good friend in Michigan who had a stroke and had begun hospice care.   We are so sad and feel very far away from him and his family.  Again, my phone dinged with a text from our dear granddaughter Katie.  I had been planning to text her about getting together for a takeout supper.  She must have got that word from her parents so she was suggesting a time and place.   I was aware that life is so full of sorrow, but also full of joy.  And her text brought me great joy.  

It makes me wonder what good thing will happen the next time I go to our own little grotto to pray.   I don't usually think in these terms,  but I feel as if God may have another surprise for me.  In any case, I am grateful for these two visits and the texts that arrived while sitting in that quiet place. 

Looking Ahead (and Putting Makeup on Two Days in a Row!)

 It is significant that I have almost never bothered with makeup in the last six months but I had reason to put on moisturizer, foundation, and powder yesterday and today.   Two days in a row!   I hesitate to say life is getting back to normal because it isn't but I have laid some groundwork for activities for the future.

Thursday  I had a scheduled phone conversation with Lauren McFeaters, one of our church's pastors.  I had hoped to get ideas about places to tutor adults.  That did not really happen but she did suggest two places to help with middle school kids so I will follow through on that.   It really is not a time to volunteer at most organizations in person.   But while we were chatting and available, she asked if we would deliver care packages to the elderly of our congregation.   I agreed to do so and asked Jim if he would help me.   I kept in mind our vows to never volunteer each other for things without asking!   

Then I went to Kingston Presbyterian Church to practice their organ--for the second week in a row.  I have asked and scheduled a noon practice time every Thursday.  It was time to get out my organ shoes and my music again particularly because I agreed to be on a committee for the local American Guild of Organists.  I had hesitated to say yes to that request as I am definitely not a professional.  But Katie Connolly, the organist who called, convinced me to reconsider and told me that there was a need for input from amateurs also--trying to be more inclusive, I guess. 

And then later Thursday afternoon, Jim drove me to the Blawenburg Reformed Church to meet Katie and get introduced to the organ there.   It was a small but lovely organ and did sound more like the Johnson pipe organ from South Bend that I have missed so much.  If I do request practice time there, I feel I should volunteer to be a substitute for their services.  That is a daunting prospect after a year off and unfamiliarity with a service and an instrument.  So we shall see.  No request on my part yet and no commitment.  

But what a treat to see their historic church built in 1830.  It amused me that in keeping with its being so historic, there was no bathroom facility in the building so Katie gave me the code for the building next door!

Wednesday evening I had joined in on an "Adult Choir Gathering"--aptly named because it was not a rehearsal.  I went into it thinking that participating in a virtual choir performance was beyond my technological ability.  I left the rehearsal thinking I should give it a try.  

So I emailed our grandson Michael, a junior at Princeton High School who had participated in such enterprises with his trombone.  I made an appointment with him for 11:30 today on his deck. 

 I purchased earbuds in preparation for our attempt and that in itself was another adventure.  Who knew that there would be two dozen to choose from just at CVS?   A very helpful clerk checked her iphone to get me a pair that would be compatible with a Chromebook.

And that brings us to this morning where we had a backyard coffee date with our friends from Raleigh days, Jim and Cynthia Moorhead.  We met another couple there Deborah and Gordon Thomas and it was a good conversation--even if mostly about the sad commemoration of 9/11 today. 

  And then on to my IT appointment where Michael was extremely helpful and we  uploaded one of the anthems.  There was one last snag.  I sang the hymn "God is so Good " using the pronoun "he" as in "He's so good to me."   But in our church we avoid the masculine pronoun so it was "God's so good to me."  Old habits prevailed and I sang it wrong.  So I considered the first video a rehearsal and tried again.  It may have been successful! (I just checked the video and saw that I had an Oops moment and my hand went to my mouth--ugh!  Maybe they will cut that part off!)

I was so pleased with myself that I emailed Noel Werner, our choir director, and he responded saying it gave him such encouragement that he thought he would frame my email!  I guess my pride came through clearly!  Now I need to do the second anthem (after learning my part) and trying to upload it on my own.  I think I can--I think I can (like The Little Engine That Could!).  But if not, Michael is willing to help me again.  I hope he feels pride too in that he could help his aging grandmother during these "unprecedented" times of Covid19!   

What's left for today?   Getting a library book from the curbside pickup at the Plainsboro Library and shopping at the Dollar Tree hoping that they no longer have empty shelves for soft soap.   Both those errands are part of the new normal these days.   Two full and relatively busy days with contacts with others.  I am grateful for the anticipation of more such days this fall!

An Afternoon with Dan and Alex

 It's a long rip to Potter Hollow (3 hours-177 miles) but a lot shorter than the trips we used to make from Indiana to the East coast to see our children.  We left around 10 am arrived around 1:30.   We snacked on fruit from local orchards and I had some of Alex's homemade yogurt and granola--so delicious! 

We talked about options for the afternoon and decided to ride, not walk, up Engle Road to Fran and Janet's land where we could pull off and walk down a hill to the stream and the waterfall. The walking was a bit treacherous--uneven and I am always vigilant for poison ivy-but it was worth the effort.  Plus my dear son gave me his hand many times to help me navigate--especially when we got down to the rocks in the streambed area.   How wonderful to see such beauty hidden in the woods just for us--just for today.   

A bit of a back story here is that during my early morning walk I listened to  "Pray as You Go" in which we were informed that yesterday was Pope Francis' call for prayer for our environment.  We were challenged to look at nature and appreciate its beauty and think of the Creator God who made it.   I hoped we would be seeing  the waterfall and thought about how timely that challenge was  for me yesterday. The time flew too fast so a visit to one of the lovely villages nearby will have to wait.   Potter Hollow is not a lovely village but is a series of somewhat derelict buildings along the side of the road.   For that matter, Engle Road has its share of rundown campers and sheds.  

After returning to the cabin, we enjoyed a lovely Rose wine and homemade naan (Dan's successful experiment) and sausages.  And wonderful peach cobbler made from local peaches from the CSA box.  

And then on the road again just before 5 pm because we wanted to try to get home before dark.  We didn't make it with the sun setting at 7:30 but at least by that tie we were on the familiar 206 and close to home.

We hope to make one more trip to Potter Hollow before Dan and Alex give up their lease on November 1.   The colors should be beautiful later this month or in early October.  Dan and Alex have big decisions to make because their Brooklyn apartment's lease is up on October 1.  They have loved their rural life but will probably end up closer to the city.  They did put some money down on a new car so that was progress.   Right now there are so many uncertainties for work and the possibility of continuing to work remotely. Over the years, Dan's living arrangements have brought us to several areas of San Francisco and then Brooklyn and now the Catskills.   What will be next?   

A Not So Good Week (but not Terrible, Horrible like Alexander's)

 Today is our 53rd anniversary.   We are going to celebrate with an outdoor dinner at Ruth's Chris with Jeff and Susan.  We could not get a table for six and we had to take the only time they had left which was 5 pm.  But it doesn't look like it will rain even though it will be very hot.  And I look forward to my petite fillet and cheesy potatoes.  And eating in a restaurant for the first time in months.

Last week was not a good one but maybe worth remembering anyway.   I had a mammogram scheduled on Monday morning.   I forgot my reading glasses so it was very hard to fill out the intake form but I managed with a little help from an aide.   I was told the xray would be read that very day and my doctor would call on Tuesday  and if I didn't hear from them on Wednesday to check with them.   I have never been very apprehensive about mammograms.  In fact, in the past, when the result came in the mail, I had almost forgotten I had one done!  But this time, because of Jim's cancer diagnosis and maybe my biopsy last fall, I was so apprehensive.   Of course, there was no call on Tuesday.   But Wednesday, while at Ocean Grove with Laura's family, the office aide called and said it was OK.  I told her how thankful I was and mentioned Jim's cancer.  She asked how he was and I could tell her we were thankful about his follow up results too.  I was so relieved.

The other medical issue was my possible poison ivy--on my upper right arm.  There were little blisters and redness and terrible itchiness--but how could one get poison ivy on an upper arm?   Maybe when I crawled under a fallen tree on the towpath?  And maybe it wasn't poison ivy at all.  But it was almost a constant discomfort and concern.  I didn't call the doctor because I really did not want to start oral steroids so I waited it out and little by little it improved--even if it did spread to more of my arm. 

I had been concerned about our second trip to Ocean Grove when we planned to help out with Laura's family.  I thought we would be in charge but thankfully they were able to do their webinar and conference call from the cottage so we could help out but were not totally responsible!   It was a joy to take Henry for a walk along the boardwalk as he finally succumbed to a little nap.   He smiles so readily and laughs heartily at Grandma's funny noises.  And as always, we had a great meal on the large porch--and then home to our own beds instead of spending the night.  We did have some hugs before we left but how sad it is to be wearing masks and avoiding close contact with those we love. 

I need to be less anxious about everything but that is not in my nature and it is not in the situation we find ourselves in with being more isolated and always concerned about Covid19. 

  So I will end on a couple of positive notes.  Jeff brought James back to RPI on Sunday and stopped at Dan and Alex's place en route.  I am eager to hear about their visit.  It makes me very happy when our children make an effort to get together with their siblings.   I hope those relationships continue long after Jim and I are gone.   

Sunday am we worshipped with both "our" churches--Nassau Presbyterian and Church of the Saviour in South Bend.  The service at Nassau was a children's chancel drama and maybe unexpectedly to us, it was a joy.  How the leaders managed to put it together via Zoom was amazing.  I wrote a thank you to Ingrid and she was so pleased to receive our thanks and said she would pass it on to the cast.   And then we did the live stream from CotS in which I can sing along with the praise team--and we can see our old friends.  

Later in the day I read a wonderful piece by Esau McCaulley, a Wheaton professor of New Testament,  in the NYT which led me to his blog and inspired me with his piece about Maundy Thursday and the stripping of the church which left the cross and that was all.   I believed in my heart and soul reading his piece.  As he did--it brought him back to fellowship in a church even if not the one of his youth.   I should write him as well--I have learned that even those who publish in the NYT can appreciate a thank you. 

Teaching Ruth to Knit

 Ruth and I had read Primrose Day together.  Merrie, the little British child who goes to the USA during the London Blitz, knits her father a scarf for a Christms present.  Ruth said she would like to learn to knit.  I said I would try to teach her.  She warned me absolutely NOT to buy a child's kit but to get the real thing.

My daughter-in-law Susan reminded me that years ago I had tried to teach Katie, my other grand-daughter now 22 years old, to knit and that they still had the knitting needles.  Katie cheerfully said she would be happy to have someone else make use of them.  She did not need them!  

So I got the large purple needles from her and ordered some thick and soft yarn from Amazon.  With some hesitancy, I wondered if I would remember how to cast on stitches.   I practiced and with some trial and error, I cast on 20 stitches--enough to make a doll's blanket.

Yesterday we drove to Ocean Grove where Ruth and her family were staying.  As it was a rainy Sunday, it was a great time to sit down and give knitting a try. Ruth and I put on our masks Covid19 style and went to work.

How many steps are there to knit one stitch?  You can break it down to at least four steps.  Through-over-through-off.  How many hands do you need?  You need more than two which is why I brace a needle against my stomach.  Ruth used her two hands while I held the left needle in my hand.   

Ruth actually caught on quite quickly.  I was watching carefully lest any step got missed.   Occasionally she would be chatting and looking at me and I had to direct her eye to the needles again.  I had to resist taking over because it was so much easier for me to do it rather than to show her how to do it.   I wanted to teach her to do it entirely independently.   I kept thinking of my mantra when I was tutoring children with reading problems--"I'm trying to work myself out of a job."  

We kept counting to 20 so we knew we had not dropped a stitch.  We could see the rows grow and the colors change with the multi-colored yarn.

I warned Ruth to keep the yarn and needles away from a little brother.   In Primrose Day, a pet dog got into the project and unraveled Merrie's Daddy's scarf.  

We will be going back to Ocean Grove in a few days so I will see if Ruth has made any progress on her own.  If not, we will sit together and do a few more rows.  If we give up on the doll's blanket, she thought a potholder would be less ambitious.  Now if Grandma can just remember how to cast off stitches.  A friend gave me a tip this morning and another friend suggested a you-tube video.  I think that when I get those needles in my hands again, I will remember when my motor memory takes over.   

How nice to have a grand-daughter that wants to do a project with her grandma!

-----------------------

Ruth called me this afternoon on her watch.  She said she did some knitting on her own today and did drop one stitch so there was a small hole.  She said she was upset but her mom helped her get over it.  Now she wants to make something else--like a sweater or mittens.  Hmm.  I don't think I am ready for that!  

-------------------

August 19  I successfully cast off but somehow the 20 stitches turned into 35 stitches!   However, it looked like a very nice doll's blanket.   I cast on 9 stitches and knitted a few rows to get Ruth started on a doll's scarf.  

Blogging When There is Nothing to Blog About (except a Hurricane!)

How has life changed in the last few months?  Not a lot.   Covid19 is very much with us with well over 150,000 dead in the USA and about 1000 dying daily.  We wear masks whenever we are inside buildings--we go to church online--we shop for groceries once a week--we don't shop for anything else.  Although I do have a mental shopping list of another pair of shorts for me and knitting needles and yarn for Ruth.  So I may shop online but a fraudulent charge from Amazon a week ago has me a bit hesitant about using my credit card.  My new one came in the mail yesterday.

One positive change is our TV watching habits.  Jim and I have had three shows that we have watched together using Amazon Prime or Passport Thirteen (PBS).   Lark Rise to Candleford is our favorite.  We have gotten to feel so familiar with the characters--they are a part of our lives.  We laugh and cry with them.  I have read that the show expires in mid-August from PBS and am not sure what that means but we better watch what we can while we can.   We also liked Shakespeare and Hathaway on PBS but have seen all the back episodes now.  The Vicar of Dibley--Jim likes it better than I do.  He laughs and I groan!   And now, at last, some live sports are back--golf, NBA basketball in the Orlando bubble, and some baseball teams.

A change in my attitude has been less of a concern about feeling useful.  Maybe it's because I have accepted doing less but also because I have found a bit more to do.  We have had three summer sleepovers with Laura's kids.  I read a chapter of Jim's manuscript every few days and make comments.  I have tried to send emails out to folks I know are struggling with health issues--or just to say I miss someone.  Peggy and I walk maybe not every week, but at least every other week.  We have had coffee with the Moorheads probably every other week.  

I wish I could have people over here--or meet them at restaurants for dinner.   We have been hesitant to do that--thinking that it is not yet safe.

I have read far too many murder mysteries and not been the better for it. It's filling my head with too much of the ugly side of life even if it is good escapist literature!  I just finished the first three of Anne Perry's Charlotte and Thomas Pitt series which I bought for $3.99 for my Kindle app.  I read one each day and was totally absorbed in what would happen next.  But they were sordid and sad and ugly tales full of Victorian hypocrisy and secrets.  So no more of those for a while!  

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Susan just called and we will have another grandchild sleepover.  James needs internet access today and early tomorrow morning and they have no power thanks to Hurricane Isaias.   We did not lose power.   So we can be of use to them! Our power blinks a bit but it has not been a loss--in spite of high winds yesterday.

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Another update.  James had supper with us and that was very pleasant--to focus on conversation with him alone--another time to be with a grandchild as "an only child."   But power came back on at his house, so Jeff picked him up and he went back home.  

So this was our first hurricane in New Jersey.   On my walk yesterday down the towpath, I probably saw six trees down with several of them crossing the path.  Roads were blocked all over town.  Jim had to find another route to the golf course when College Road West was blocked.  We were fortunate not to have lost power.

Reading RH Charles (aka Bob Hank Chuck!)

Jim's retirement project has been a wonderful one for him.  He is working on a biography of a pioneer in his field-an Irish scholar named Robert Henry Charles who lived at the turn of the 20th century.   Writing a biography is different enough from what Jim usually has written--textually oriented essays and commentaries--but it is about a man who did the kind of work Jim has done and whose work Jim has used for 50 years.

A friend of ours, Jonathan Riddle, pointed out that RH Charles has three first names so he called him Bob Hank Chuck!  That name has added an element of frivolity to a very serious project! 

In his manuscript, Jim has summarized Charles' work and reviews of his work, and evaluated his legacy.  Jim has been frustrated in finding out very much about his life.  Originally we had planned a research trip to the United Kingdom but Covid 19 and Jim's cancer treatments meant those plans were changed.

   Another friend who was teaching in England, Justin Strong, took photos of Charles' tomb in Westminster Abbey and his home at the Abbey,.   That provided us with a funny story because when a group of Asian tourists saw Justin photographing the tomb, they all gathered around--assuming it was of someone very famous.   Well, famous in Jim's world--maybe not in everyone's! 
Jim also hired an Oxford graduate student to scout out some Oxford University Press Archives and some of the College archives.  She has sent Jim some very interesting letters about publishing issues and, once the archives are opened again, will send him some information.

However, there are many unanswered questions about Charles' life.   It is possible that Jim will be able to contact a family historian but for now, that has been aborted due to his family's health issues.   How did Charles support himself when it appears he had no income for some of the Oxford years?   Why was his wife's monetary legacy more than his after their deaths?   What were Charles' health issues later in his life that meant he was on his back for 18 hours a day?   What was the automobile accident he seems to have had?   Was he really a golfer?  A woodworker? How did he happen to meet his wife while studying in Heidelberg?

Besides all the textual work Charles did on apocalyptic literature and pseudepigraphic works, he was important in the so called "modern church movement" which was influeced by the higher critical theories of Scripture coming out of Germany.   Charles' writing on divorce caused controversy in his day.  His primary work was in academia, but he was also honored by becoming a "canon" at Westminster Abbey, a position that provided him with lodging and an income.  One of our favorite comments on his work there was one on his preaching in which he was said to "empty the Abbey."   Jim could understand that comment as he labored through many of Charles' published sermons.

Jim has always admired Charles' scholarship.   However,  Jim found less to admire as he despaired of Charles' arrogance in attibuting anything that didn't fit into his theories as interpolations or emendations.  Charles as a man of his time could also be very blunt and even disparaging in his comments about Catholics or Judaism.

I have been reading through a few chapters each week and making comments about Jim's manuscript.   Sometimes I ask questions when there are words that are unfamiliar to me--"stemma" or "lemma" or "corrigenda."  Vary rarely do I find typos or grammatical errors--in fact, almost never.   I try to refrain from pointing out how I would word something differently--but sometimes, I can't resist!   I appreciate how Jim is not defensive about my suggestions but is even accepting of many of them.   And I appreciate all the work that has already gone into this manuscript.

What is next?  Maybe Jim will see if a publisher would consider it as a book.   Or maybe he will ask another friend, Todd Hanneken, to put it online.  It isn't as if Jim needs to add to his resume and an online publication would make it very accessible to anyone who wants to use it--or add to it later.

As I wrote, this has been a great retirement project for Jim.  It has also been a great retirement project for me--especially in this time of social isolation when it is hard to feel useful.  My work as an "editor" has made me feel useful too and given me a great glimpse into my husband's life and work.

A Grand-daughter comes for a Sleepover

It was our third summer sleepover!  We picked Ruth up around 1 pm on Saturday. This gave us a little time to chat at the Conways and to enjoy Henry's big smiles.

Ruth packed her softball and glove at my suggestion so she too could play catch with Grandpa.  She had her stuffed toy and her backpack with a few books--no Kindle because it seemed to be dead. She said that because she had no Kindle, could we talk on the trip to our house?  Of course!  And we did.

First on our agenda was making the bunny cake.  We were unable to get together for Easter thanks to Covid 19 but a bunny cake could still be fun in July.  And it was fun.   Ruth was very pleased to mix the cake and later to frost it and decorate its face with M and Ms. And she was pleased to eat it--it was  a treat for us too.  Part of the fun was taking a photo of Ruth and the cake and sending it to the Skylight so we could see it again and again.   I also sent it to Facebook where it got many "likes" and a few comments.

While the cake was cooling, we went for a walk down the towpath.  I said we could look for turtles, ducks, frogs and even deer.  But it was so incredibly hot that we saw no animals.   By the time we got home, we were all wet with sweat.

Supper was hot dogs--Ruth's choice over hamburgers.   Grandpa and Ruth played some catch.  Ruth and I continued reading Primrose Day, a book we have been reading over the past several months.   I had loved that book as a child and after doing some searching, managed to track it down.  Ruth has also enjoyed it and laughed a lot at the fishing chapter which she had noticed was pictured on the cover--I had not noticed that.

Ruth had a hard time settling into sleep.  I checked on her a few times, crawled in with her for a while, and finally I heard her steady rhythm of breathing as she fell asleep.  She told me the next day that the sounds were not the familiar ones of voices at home or white noise from Henry's machine.   She had been concerned about what time she could get up in the morning but she slept well all night and we all woke up around 7:30 or so.

We did our usual Nassau Church service on line and included the children's message this week.   Ruth and Grandpa did a few big puzzles on the bedroom floor.   Ruth amused herself by making a few more cork dolls--finding corks in the back of our silverware drawer.   She acted out a play with them--quite the imaginative young lady.    We read some poems and made up some more.

It was just too hot to go for another walk but we did walk briefly at Washington Crossing Park where we met the Conways who came to pick up Ruth.  She was overjoyed to see them again.   We had texted them to say she missed them--and she was eager to know if they missed her.   They did although it didn't take long to have territorial claims in the minivan for the trip home

And once again it was very quiet at our apartment without a young lady's chatter.   We were very glad we could host the third sleepover of the summer--and now are ready to start over.  Sam wondered if he could come next weekend but maybe we will wait a few more weeks.   We are blessed to have happy, healthy grandchildren.   In the midst of this pandemic, may it continue to be so! 

Jim scores 0.3!

Jim's PSA test was 0.3 and that score is a winner!  It is better than a winner--it is a burden lifted.

After 44 radiation sessions over eight weeks, Jim had to wait the prescribed two months to have blood drawn and another PSA test.  Dr. Ding, the radiologist, said we could hope for a score of 0 or 1.  Dr. Schwarzman, the urologist who drew the blood last week, said that there could be a "bump" in the results--an artificial raising of the score that would reach a "nadir" later in the process.  So we were warned not to panic if the score was higher than hoped.

The blood was drawn on Tuesday.  Jim was told to call for results on Thursday.  The results were not in and the office was closed on Friday.  He signed up for an online "portal" so he could get the results in that manner but even with the  code from the doctor's office, he was told that something was wrong.   Later he found the original  "activation letter"  back in his files and saw that he had heard the code incorrectly.  But there were still no results on Friday.

This morning (Monday), before I even got out of bed, Jim came into the bedroom saying that he had an email telling him there were new results on his portal.  He checked it out and the number was 0.3!   What a beautiful, wonderful number.  He doesn't have to call the doctor's office today; he doesn't have to ask how to follow up if the numbers were higher; we don't have to wait for the "nadir" of a score.   For now, he doesn't need any more radiation or hormone shots.  He doesn't need to consider any other procedures or even surgery.   In three months, he will see the urologist again.  He will need PSA tests every six months for the rest of his life and you can't consider yourself "cured" until you have 15 years of negative tests, not the often quoted five years for other cancers.  And that brings him to age 89 which seems like a pretty old age to us right now.

I had prayed so many times for healing.  But if not healing, then strength to deal with the cancer.  Jim has been very tough through the whole process although dealing with the protocol for radiation did give him daily stress.  I have not been as tough and tears have come too easily.   But today, my body feels like a big smile and I am so relieved for the success of the radiation and also not having to wait any longer for the test result.

I have emailed and texted our children and several friends who have asked about Jim this past week.  It is good to get their happy and loving responses.  I am so thankful for this respite  and so aware that others do not get such happy news when waiting for tests and biopsies and scans.  As I write this, we are thinking of two good friends in Michigan who are beginning treatment for breast cancer and a bile duct cancer.

We are thinking that we may celebrate tonight with an On the Border take-out meal including their take-out margaritas!   Maybe we'll do two nights in a row of BritBox TV.   Celebrations in a time of pandemic are low key but important! And this news is so worth celebrating!

The 4th of July in Ocean Grove

We arrived at 44 Ocean Pathway around 1 pm on Friday and headed to the beach soon after we arrived. Laura had spoken for one more beach tag at 5 pm the day before so she verified her purchase on her iphone and I was given a bracelet to wear. The beach was full but each group was probably six feet from others. No one was wearing masks. The house that the Conways rented was a historic one with three stories. Jim and I chose the spacious third floor bedroom which was up 31 steps--yes, I counted! With the windows open at night and the ceiling fan on, we were very comfortable. 

 As always, we were fed well. We had mussels the first night, burgers and brats the second, and just before we left we were treated to steak and lobster. It was a busy two days especially with a precious baby. Unfortunately we were not always able to make him happy in the way his mother could so we were not able to give her much of a break. Jim did play a territorial game with Alex with ever changing rules and Ruth and I enjoyed several more chapters of Primrose Day, a book from my childhood.  Jim and Jasper made an early morning bakery run for their sweets.

Sunday morning the beaches are off limits in Ocean Grove--a holdover from the early years.  There was a service in the tabernacle but it was limited to 100 worshippers.  Others were sitting in lawn chairs outside where they could still hear the service.  I didn't hear any music from the renowned organ.  Jim and I  worshipped  with our South Bend Church which was livestreaming from the church parking lot.  Sponge Bob was on TV in the background as we sat on the sofa focussed on my iphone. 

We left early enough Sunday evening so that we could drive in the light.  It was great to be home in a little over an hour instead of a 12 hour drive.  And it seemed very quiet in our second floor apartment after two days with a family of seven!

A One Year Anniversary

One year ago, July 1, 2019, we arrived in Princeton, New Jersey, our new home.   We drove into a nearby Homewood Suites where we stayed for two weeks until we could move into our apartment down the road in Barclay Square.  What a year it has been!   We are going to celebrate tonight by picking up meals at Olive Garden and bringing them to Jeff and Susan's home where we hope the rain holds off and we can eat on the deck.

It is hard to summarize the year.  But I want to write about it because this blog is my record of life as it is--in 2020. And at the end of the year I will make another Blog2Print book.

I will start with recognizing the joys of apartment living.  Today the smoke alarm started beeping loudly and a disembodied voice loudly proclaimed, "Fire, fire."   There was no fire and there was no danger.   And instead of the annoyance of trying to figure out what was wrong with the smoke alarm and its potentially dead battery, Jim emailed maintenance.  Within 30 minutes, Adriano was at the door with his ladder and checked things out.  The battery was not dead.  He said it might just have been dust in the alarm.  In any case, all was well and it was not our responsibility.   The staff at Barclay Square is wonderful--capable and pleasant.

We really like our apartment and its location.   Our place is spacious and comfortable and quiet.   We can walk on the path next to the road and see open land across the way.   A little farther takes us to the towpath and the canal for a pleasant stroll.   We walk to get the mail daily.

We have been able to spend more time with our children and grandchildren although this time of social distancing has made that more difficult. 

However, it has been a hard year.  It was only a few months into our life here that we learned of Jim's diagnosis of prostate cancer.   Between procedures to prepare for treatment and then 44 daily radiation treatments and now a wait for follow up to see if the cancer is eliminated, cancer has been a major factor in our lives.   It will be hard to think of this first year without that dominating my thoughts.

Plus now we all have the social distancing mandated by Covid 19.   We can't encourage new friendships by having folks over or joining them for lunch or dinner or coffee.   So we have not gotten to know our neighbors or acquaintances from church in the way we might have under other circumstances.  One day as I walked outside, I chatted with a mother and admired her baby from the prescribed 6 feet of distance and I was amazed at how that little interchange lifted my spirits.   But it is a rare thing to  speak to anyone but Jim in a day. 

I need to accept what is and try to live in the present moment instead of wondering about the next week and its doctors' appointments or the next month and Jim's blood test or the next year and whether we will be able to go to libraries, museums, and even church again.  It does help me to process my thoughts by writing.  And today my pen pal Marilyn whom I've never met wrote to say she liked my blog and had a question about the church school class I mentioned.  That lifted my spirits!   Phone chats with Madge and Sue and Nancy yesterday were good for me too.  So now, it's off to do curbside pickup at Olive Garden and eating on Jeff's patio six feet apart. 

Worship During a Pandemic

For the last several months, we have gone to church in our pajamas.   At 9:15 we sit on the couch with our cups of coffee and click on the link sent to us.  We are directed to a series of videos prepared earlier in the week by the Nassau Presbyterian Church staff.  Sometimes we skip over some of them (like the children's message).  We always do the welcome, Scripture reading, sermon, prayers, and blessing.   We don't sing along.  

It has become a comfortable routine but it is not good.   I need music as a part of worship and I miss it.   I don't sing in the church choir and I may never do so again.  Church choir rehearsals are "super spreader events" and the decision has been made not to have choir in the fall.  We are not sure when we will be able to worship in the sanctuary again.

Some churches like our church in South Bend are beginning outdoor services in the parking lot but our Nassau Church has almost no parking lot.  When we did have worship, we parked along Nassau Street where the meters were turned off on Sunday mornings.  

We have also attended adult church school every week where two different Princeton Seminary professors gave 20 minute presentations on topics---one series on Acts and one on pivotal moments in American church history that spoke to our own right now.  Both series were excellent and gave us topics for discussion in our Tuesday small group--which met by Zoom meetings the last few months.

Again, as I did with grocery shopping, I want to record what life is like during this time of social distancing.   I hope that soon it will just be a memory and we can get back to life as it was.  I fear that we may be masked and wary for a long time however. 

Grocery Shopping in a Pandemic

What was always a very ordinary weekly event has become quite extraordinary yet we have become accustomed to our new routines.   With the hope that this too will pass I want to record our weekly grocery shop.

Our usual time is Saturday mornings and our usual place is McCaffery's at Princeton Shopping Mall.   Groceries are more expensive than they were in South Bend and it has taken time to get used to finding things in a new store.  Occasionally we have shopped at Shoprite where items are cheaper but the stores are so large and confusing.  We do head to Target every few weeks especially we need "health and beauty" needs and then we get their bargains--like cereal and coffee and the staple for us--Triscuits.

When the pandemic first hit, there was a run on toilet paper and other paper products.   Disinfecting wipes were unavailable and shortages of meat were threatened.  We could not always find flour or even once, pasta!   That was a bit frightening but has eased up. 

We wipe off the handle of the cart before we get started.  We are required to wear masks in the stores and at McCaffery's, the aisles are marked one way only.   Check out lanes have stripes to suggest six feet distancing and the clerks have shields between them and us.   We cannot bring in our reusable bags.  There are no ready made meals buffet style and muffins, etc. are individually wrapped.  We have not had to wait in line at McCaffery's but at Trader Joes, we have stood outside for about ten minutes.  As one customer left, another one was allowed into the store. 

We have not eaten in a restaurant for several months now.  We have done takeout meals a few times and this week, even had takeout margaritas with our meal from On the Border.  Restaurants are beginning to open up for outside dining but we haven't booked a reservation for that yet. 

We are eager to treat ourselves and to join friends or relatives for a meal in a restaurant again.  But we are thankful that the supply chain does not seem to have broken down permanently.  We are definitely not going hungry. 

A Teenager Comes to Visit

The second weekly Conway offspring visit took place this weekend.  We picked up Jasper at about the same time as we picked up Sam last weekend.  When we stopped for gas on the way home, Jasper wondered if he could have a Wawa pretzel.  Of course, I said sure, so we donned our masks and got two pretzels--and were they ever delicious!   One for Jasper; one for Jim and me.

Jasper had several ideas for his stay.  At the top of his list was a walk around Princeton University.  He remarked at how different it was to see it without the crowds of the annual P-rade.  We wandered the campus with a look in particular at Nassau Hall, the oldest building on campus.

Again, I went to get groceries alone not wanting to expose Jasper to any unnecessary viral loads.   Jim and he watched golf--live sports at last.  Supper was burgers and sweet corn--easy and usually a winner.

 Jim and I wanted to watch Shakespeare and Hathaway again but before that we watched Jasper's suggestion--The Crown--on his Netflix iphone app.   He had watched seasons one and two so could help us figure out who was who and what would happen next.  It may have been a humorous sight to see the three of us on the couch with the little iphone on the coffee table.  The show had a sad feel with the impending death of King George and his constant coughing.

After both of our shows, at J's request, Dan and Alex did Facetime with us.  J had books to read in bed and we told him there was no need to set any alarms for morning!

Sunday am was church and adult church school.  J joined us for both.  Heath Carter's presentation this week was the 1894 strikes in Chicago and the  leadership of Mary McDowell--another very interesting chronicle of someone who made a difference.

J had asked about golf, so we found a "driving range near me" and he and Jim spent some time at West Windsor Golf Center.  Jim was happy to have a grandson want to hit that little white ball with him.   They picked up pizza (again a J request) for lunch.

J did a Zoom meeting with his extended Conway family at 5 and then we left for Washington Crossing to meet his nuclear family.  Enroute was a brief stop in Jeff and Susan's driveway so he could see his VK cousins too.  We had a warm walk down to the river, returned J to his family, and headed home before having to drive in the dark.

We observed that traffic seemed heavier this weekend--a sign that folks are getting out more.  Once again, it was great to have a grandson visit and we look forward to having two more grandchildren over soon.  Laura suggested it be earlier in the summer before they might be exposed to other kids at day camps and bring anything to their elderly grandparents.  How strange and sad it is to have to take all of these dangers into consideration.  We wore masks in Jeff's driveway.  We did not wear masks on our walk at Washington Crossing.

We hope to see the Conways in Ocean Grove for a few days over the 4th of July where they will have a bedroom to spare and a willingness to have extra help with five young ones.   Sam and Ruth both mentioned doing another scavenger hunt in town so this Grandma will have to come up with another list and a plan.  She will do that happily!

A Grandson Visits

I haven't blogged for a while.   Life has been so routine that there is nothing to write about really.   Once Jeff said to me, "Mom feels a blog coming on."   Well, I have felt no blogs coming on recently.  But this weekend was a break in the routine when Sam came to visit.

A significant observation for me was Sunday afternoon when I was sitting on the couch and glanced at the clock which was only partly visible.  I thought it said 12:57 which made me think that time was dragging.   I got up and looked again and it was 2:57!  Time was flying by!   What a difference it made to have another person in the house with more to fill the hours!

We drove out to Gladwyne to pick Sam up at lunchtime on Saturday.   He kept up a steady flow of chatter for the full hour ride back to the apartment--mostly about video games.   It was a glimpse into his life!   Later in the afternoon Jim and he played catch--a welcome opportunity for Jim that he doesn't often get.  I got groceries on my own thinking that it was best not to expose Sam to what begins to seem a risky trip to the store.  Jim and he watched some golf--the first live sports in a long time.  Sam thought it was pretty boring.   Sam helped me make shortcake--an easy recipe from Jiffy mix.  We had burgers for supper and shortcake for dessert. We watched Shakespeare and Hathaway with the stipulation that if it got too weird Sam would be excused or we would turn it off.  It was weird but not too violent or gory at least.

Sam seemed to sleep well--even if he did have a question about whether it was a girl's room.  Yes, the furniture was his mother's originally but not the bed and it was not all in pink at least.


Breakfast was our usual boiled eggs and sweets.   We all watched the Nassau Church service from the website.  Dr. Davis's sermon was on Moses and the midwives and Pharaoh's daughter who spared his life.  He related it to the racial crises we are experiencing.   When I looked in the closet for our Scrabble game, I found the Brick Bible, a gift from the Princeton VKs a few years ago.  I pulled it out for Sam and to our delight, the story of Moses as a baby was there.   Jim and he looked at it.  I posted a photo of them on Facebook which got a lot of comments!   To my delight later, Sam spent a lot of time afterwards reading Scripture--Lego people style. 

Sam and I played Scrabble and he beat me by 30 points.   I gave him a bit of direction a few times, but I played to win and I didn't! 

We walked to the towpath along the canal and then through the fields home.  Supper was a pizza picnic with Jeff and Susan, James and Michael using a table near the roped off playground.

Sam was very uncertain about the decision to get picked up after supper or in the morning.  He asked several times if we had plans for the morning and we didn't--except for Jim's blood work appointment.   I felt that he might want to go home but not hurt our feelings so I made the decision and Michael picked him up around 7:30 pm.   We were so bold as to hug him good-bye--no social distancing.

Now, who will be the next to visit?  Jasper had been asking when he could come but when it was nearing the weekend, he had second thoughts for "complicated" reasons, said Laura.  So Sam was "gung ho" to come, she said.   Ruth thought it best to wait and have someone else tell her how it went.  And Alex had been here last fall.  Henry?  If only someone besides Laura could be his source of nourishment, he would be a joy to have but not for the present time at least.   Jasper is wanting to reschedule and Laura said Sam said he had a good time so maybe Ruth will be willing to come as well. 

Black Lives Matter

This week has been full of very sad news.   A 46 year old black man named George Floyd was killed by a white policeeman in Minneapolis--not shot but asphixiated by pressure of a knee on his neck for over 8 minutes, several of them after he had stopped saying "I can't breathe"and had gone limp.   Three other policemen stood by watching and not stopping the killing. After a few days,  the first policeman has been indicted for manslaughter; the assumption is that there will be charges for the others as well.

As a result, there have been marches and protests in many cities across the US;  some have turned into riots and looting. President Trump's initial reaction was, as always, to tweet--this time with an incendiary "When the looting starts, the shooting starts."  This was a phrase stated by a Miami police chief after racial riots many years ago.  The President said he didn't know where he had gotten the phrase and later he defended it saying that shooting results when there is looting not that he was promoting it.  He also said he would send in the National Guard and he called the Minneapolis mayor weak--his usual insults.  Later he threatened "vicious dogs" sent at the White House protesters--again a reference to the dogs called on protesters during the Civil Rights demonstrations years ago. 

In many cities and states the National Guard has been called in. There are curfews tonight.   It makes me remember the riots of 1968 when gas stations were closed lest folks get gas to make bombs.  That was a terrible time and this threatens to be like it.   We shall see what happens in the next few days. 

This all follows after other incidents in the last week like the white woman in NYC's Central Park who called 911 when a black man who was birding asked her to leash her dog, saying she was threatened by an African-American man.   And this horrible Covid 19 virus has impacted black citizens more than white--with disease and death but also economic hardships.   People are on edge and angry and frustrated.

Facebook is full of posts saying that if you as a white person say nothing, you are also guilty of white supremacy. People are suggesting books to read and leaders to follow and places to give money.  But what is there to say?   I know I am priviliged and I am sorry my world is as white as it is. I have given to some causes (Hope Ministries, Robin Hood in NYC, the hunger ministry at church) and could research others.   I have not reposted or shared the posts of others.  I have not marched in local protests.

My world was not always so white.   My daily work before retirement brought me into a world of diversity in which I was still priviliged and in a position of power to a certain extent as the teacher of adult education students.   Sometimes, when I would ask for maintenance or assistance from those who ran our Housing Authority site, I felt as if I, a white woman,  was unheard or ignored.   Or maybe it was not me at all but just systemic problems in the bureaucracy there.   I know I often felt that there was anger very close to the surface in many of my students and sometimes marveled that we got along as well as we did.

I am pleased to be Facebook friends with former students and in some cases, colleagues, who are of other races and I try to encourage them--as they encourage me with their "likes."   I grieve for the sadness in our country right now and I grieve for the lack of empathetic leadership in the White House.   I think about President Obama's singing Amazing Grace in the church in Charleston and the contrast is painful.   Or President Bush's standing at the site of the 9-11 disaster and saying "I can hear you." President Trump tonight blamed the governors for being weak--he called them jerks for not putting down the demonstrations in their states.

I rarely write in this blog about anything but my personal life.  But this is a historic time and a time of crisis and our lives are full of tragic news.   I watched that knee on George Floyd's  neck too many times on TV videos and began to have to turn my eyes away.   But I shouldn't turn my attention away--none of us should.  It can't be ignored.

------------A week later--there have been protests in many cities for several nights now.  There has been looting.   The ugliest scene was the demonstrators in Lafayette Park next to the White House being tear gassed and dispersed so President Trump could walk to the steps of St. John's Episcopal Church and stand holding a Bible.  That scene makes me sick inside.   The bishop in DC and staff of the church protested later.  He wanted a photo op and he got one but for many like me it has shown how unBiblical is his approach.