Cancer

I have not been in a blogging mood.  It has been a difficult month as we have begun to live with the big C word--Cancer.

Our PCP did a routine blood test for Jim and included a PSA test which our doctor in South Bend would not have done for anyone over the age of 70.  The score was high so Jim saw a urologist and had a biopsy.  The biopsy showed cancer in enough sites and with a high enough Gleason rating that he recommended radiation.  We saw a radiation oncologist at a site dedicated to prostate cancer and Jim will most likely begin eight weeks of daily radiation in February.  Everyone seemed to agree it was fine to postpone it until then so we could go on our planned two week holiday in St. Pete Beach, Florida in January.

So, November 6, the day the urologist gave us the biopsy results,  is the day that marks a new "season of our lives" as Pastor Sharyl Dixon labeled it when i asked her to meet with me.   I feel angry with the PCP for doing a test without asking our permission and she did apologize saying everyone always said Yes when she asked.  Maybe Jim would have; maybe I would not have done so because I knew it was not advised for men over 70.  The "cure" can be more life changing than the disease because it is slow progressing usually and many older men have it but die of other causes.

But it is done and we are on a new journey in our lives.  44 treatments--but we do not have the pressure of work so that is not the problem.  And Jim has every hope of it not having spread.  The urologist pointed out that men live longer these days so it is more worth treating.  I just hope the side effects are not too hard for Jim.  One scary one is that he has to give up his RA miracle drug methotrexate for the duration and I hope that doesn't mean pain from RA again.

 Cancer is a scary word and we have to accept the idea that we are aging and our bodies are aging and that we are not going to live forever.  Jim is pretty cool about all of this.  I was very anxious before the biopsy results but at least now we know where we are and what has to be done.

I have my own issues and difficulties with the PCP and that causes me more stress.  I hope to find another one after I get results from the last test I have done.  I need someone who doesn't make me feel like I am a bad person because I have insomnia, drink a glass of wine with supper, and get stressed.  She thinks Jim is a "best patient" but I left her in tears the last time.  I know I need to be told to eat fewer carbs etc. but of all the doctors we have met here, and there have been many, she is the only one to make me feel  so bad and to send me out with five other things to do.

To be continued.   May the next blog be more upbeat!   I hesitated to write this one but I think my limited amount of readers already know about this episode in our lives and have supported me already through their emails and calls.