Feeling Useful

My friend Peggy, my walking partner, commented recently on how we all need to feel useful.  I know this is part of my melancholy lately--that it is hard to feel useful when one is so limited in this pandemic.  Plus living in a new place makes it hard to feel useful in the ways I did before--or when I was working.

In South Bend,  I was able to give to others through playing the organ.  I had really cut back on my playing but still played for special services and the 5th Sunday in the month.   I liked choosing music that was appropriate for the service and I knew it was appreciated.  Now, I can't even give to others by singing in the church choir and when we are back to normal, I may still hesitate to sing in an enclosed choir room--a known place for super infectors.

Because we knew everyone in our South Bend church, we were aware of others' joys and sorrows and could pass on and act on our concern.   I didn't bring meals or host large gatherings any more but could often find other ways of caring.   I can still send emails back to South Bend and have sent a few along here in Princeton but our circle of friends and acquaintances is greatly limited.

I have told myself that it is enough to do the essentials of laundry and meal planning and preparation.  Life is down to the basics these days. Yesterday's ordering of a take-out family meal of fajitas from On the Border was a highlight of the day-and we have two more meals out of one order left.

 I have emailed a few people in the last week to express my thanks for their contribution to my stay at home life.  I don't publicize this blog but know there are a few readers who enjoy it.  I do feel some sense of accomplishment when I write my musings.   At least it helps me organize my thoughts out of confusion and chaos and try to be positive and thankful.

Ruth in Laura's ribbon dress

We are heading to Laura's home in a few hours.  We opted to postpone our usual Saturday trip to the grocery store until Monday lest we pick up the virus just before heading to her family.  We can't and shouldn't go to Jeff's tomorrow or Monday lest we pick up something at Laura's and pass it on.   We don't stay home all the time but we do keep in mind social distancing.   Because the result is a pretty serious illness and we are all at risk.  We need to stay out of the hsoptial and off those scary ventilators.

--------------------------May 24  Sunday

Looking over the last few blogs, there is definitely a theme running through them of coping or not coping all that well with this time of pandemic and social distancing.   But last night, driving home from Laura's I felt some sense of peace--a moment to be treasured.  We had beautiful scared music ("With Heart and Voice") on my iphone and we were happy to have been with Laura's family.   Ruth who is a very loving child was wearing the ribbon dress I had saved from Laura's childhood.  I was touched that she wanted to do that for us.  Plus we were full from steaks that Michael had grilled and sides that Laura had prepared and a DQ ice cream cake that I bought to celebrate Jasper's birthday belatedly.  Little Henry is definitely the "family baby" that Laura hoped he would be.  The others all love to get in his face and get his big smiles in return.   Grandpa and I did too!