Loneliness and Solitude

 

When I had children who needed me all day long and sometimes during the night, I wondered if the curse of my old age would be the solitude I so desperately wanted.  Now I am comfortably into that "old age" and except for Jim, there is plenty of solitude and I don't consider it a curse.  But I do recognize that there is loneliness at times.  

I anticipate and enjoy the regular internet contacts I have each day.   The email (a subscription) from Heather Cox Richardson which summarizes the news is the first thing I look at in the morning--often before I get out of bed.  It can be depressing but it is so informative.  I look at the New York Times app on my phone while eating breakfast and look forward to a new Spelling Bee challenge each day. Later Jim and I compare lists and try to get enough words to achieve  "genius."   I check out the 12Blog posts daily and appreciate the liberal Christian perspective I find there--often pretty courageous opinions coming from those who are living with many who disagree.  I bookmark and use Sacred Space, a guided meditation from Irish Jesuits based on the lectionary for the day.  Its prayers calm my anxious spirit. 

If someone comes into my thoughts, I take it as a sign that I could send that person an email.  I think folks like to know that they are thought of and I like to hear back from them.  Sometimes I text family, but email is easier for me to use.  I open my phone or laptop too often hoping to hear from someone across the miles. 

We signed up today for a Lenten small group from our church--mostly the same group from the last two years.  It will be good to have some contact with people we grew to care about--and maybe some new folks too. We might even meet in person, not on Zoom.

We hope to see Laura's family on Saturday at their new "old house" and Jeff's family on Sunday for the Super Bowl.  I am so thankful we can see them more often.  One of these days, Dan and Alex may make the trip south to Princeton.  Dan and Alex have been great about contacting us for Facetime or Google Meets chats.

I don't want to be as busy as I once was with a job and a family.  But it is hard to strike the right balance.  Solitude is good but loneliness is not.  

So I am very thankful that Jim will pour me a glass of wine soon and we can do a NYT crossword puzzle together.  May we both stay in good enough health to be able to keep each other company in the years we have left on this earth.