TMI

 

My new cane

This is TMI for any readers I have but worth recording for our own memories because it has been a week of medical appointments and some progress.  Monday I had a six month check of my A1C which I dreaded because I meant to lose more weight and I meant to eat fewer chocolates.  While I was there, I asked my primary care doctor for help with my hip arthritis which has worsened over the last months.  He gave me a script for an x-ray and to my amazement, I was able to schedule that for a few hours later.

The x-ray came back already that afternoon as "serious osteoarthritis" and my doctor via his aides gave me the name of a hip specialist.  I was able to schedule an appointment with him for next Monday.  The office person at Princeton Orthopedics told me I had to have a disk of my x-ray to show him.  More on that later as I wondered why electronic transmission was not possible.

I anxiously awaited the glucose and A1C results and they came in on Tuesday with a diagnosis of "mild diabetes" and a recommendation to "limit simple carbs and sweets" and drink more water.  I eat very few simple carbs but I do succumb to sweets and I certainly could drink more water.  I felt I was given another six month reprieve to try to do better and am so glad I don't have to take any more drugs with unpleasant side effects.  (We hear too many ads on TV!) 

So then there was the hassle of getting a disk which had to be ordered from Medical Records at the hospital where I had the x-ray.  I went through an interminable phone chain without success and finally talked to a real person who put me on to another real person.  I ordered the disk and said I would pick it up that afternoon.  It was pouring rain but we made the trip to the hospital.  I asked for directions to Medical Records and hoped it wouldn't be a great distance as I walked along with my cane.  "Take a left and then another left" I was told.  I had to ask for help twice while walking the long corridors with multiple places to take a left. But I succeeded and when the clerk saw me pull out my reading glasses to fill out the permission form, she asked me for my driver's license and did it for me.  I thanked her, left with my disk, and hoped to be able to take a right and then another right to reverse my directions and find the entrance.  Happily there were exit signs and I came close enough to the right place to text Jim who picked me up after a very short wait in the rain.

So, progress and relief and maybe next week I will get some help for the arthritis--not hip replacement surgery which I have vetoed but maybe a cortisone shot or some temporary relief.  I felt weary at times this week of advocating for myself but also grateful for kind medical help and really quite prompt results for tests and xrays via voice mail messages.  And I am very grateful for my husband who was my chauffeur and has had to listen to my laments.  

Dinner in Gladwyne

 

Laura emailed that they would like to see us again--and I emailed that we needed an invitation!  That invitation came immediately and we settled on the next Saturday for an early dinner.

Laura ordered out and two big bags of food arrived making everyone happy with sushi for some and teriyaki chicken for others.  Plus chicken nuggets and fries for some of the younger, less adventuresome eaters. Contrary to the puzzled looks on these two eaters, they liked their meals! 

We enjoyed catching up on some Conway news and then it is so good that it is just an hour's ride home to sleep in our own beds.  In many ways, it was good to move cross country to be closer to children and grandchildren.  

It was six years ago that we put our Granger house on the market, sold it to the first family that looked at it, spent months down-sizing and packing, moved into temporary housing in South Bend and then in Princeton, and then finally in mid-July 2019 settled into our apartment.  It's almost time to sign the lease again which we will do.  

The big move into senior housing is on our minds and in our prayers but we can't seem to make the next step to put down our deposit and wait for our name to come up for the size apartment we would want.  

Susan's Mother Dies Unexpectedly

 We are mourning with Susan and her family in the sudden death of her mother on Wednesday.  

Obituary for Sharon Hughes Killian

Mrs. Sharon Hughes Killian, age 79, of Asheville, NC, passed away suddenly on February 26, 2025. She was born on January 24, 1946, in the loving home of Edmund Earl Hughes Jr. and Edith Polasek Hughes, who preceded her in death.

Sharon was the beloved wife of Charles Edwin Killian for 57 years. Together, they raised a family full of love and pride. She is survived by her husband, Charles; her daughters, Leigh Killian Altman (Allen) of Keller, TX, Susan Killian VanderKam (Jeffrey) of Princeton, NJ, Teresa Killian Tate (Jed) of Waynesville, NC; her son, Charles Edwin Killian, Jr. (Kristina) of Cary, NC; and her 10 grandchildren, Katie, James and Michael VanderKam, Anna and John Altman, David, Andre, and Aly Killian, and Samuel and Edie Rose Tate.

Sharon was also a loving sister to Kathy Bambach, Ed Hughes III, Dorothy Hovis, and Robert Hughes. She cherished her family deeply, and her nurturing presence will be greatly missed. She was also preceded in death by her brothers, Thomas and David Hughes.

A proud alumna of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro (UNC-G), Sharon was part of the first co-ed class at the university in 1967. She earned her B.A. in Mathematics and went on to have a rewarding 25+ year career as a Math Instructor at A.B. Technical Community College, where she was the director and guiding force at the Guided Studies Math Lab.

Sharon was a dedicated member of the Women’s Guild and Adult Choir at St. Eugene Catholic Church and was known for her involvement in the PEO group, as well as her talent for quilting and heirloom sewing. Her contributions to the community and her family were countless, and her warm heart and kind spirit left a lasting impact on all who knew her.

In addition to her work in education and community, Sharon’s passions extended to her family and her faith. She will be fondly remembered for her deep love for her family, her devotion to her church, and her tireless commitment to bettering the lives of others.

Visitation will take place from 12:00 PM until 2:00 PM on Sunday, March 2, 2025, at Morris Funeral Home in Asheville, NC. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at St. Eugene Catholic Church in Asheville, NC, on Monday, March 3, 2025, at 10:00 AM, with Reverend Patrick Cahill officiating. Graveside services will take place on Monday, March 3, 2025, at 2:00 PM at Gilkey United Methodist Church Cemetery in Rutherfordton, NC.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be made to the UNC-Greensboro Foundation or ABCCM Helene Relief Fund in honor of Sharon's legacy.

Sharon's family takes comfort in knowing she is at peace, surrounded by love, and that her memory will continue to inspire those who had the privilege of knowing her/

------------March 3  Susan sent me the link to the Livestream of the funeral mass so in between my doctor's appointment waiting, I watched that and then later at home.  It was lovely--full of "hope," and the music was very nice.  I was touched to see Katie, James and Michael take the elements along with their mom.  I'm so glad they could be there to support Susan.  By now, the burial has also taken  place at a family plot and soon Jeff and Katie will be home--on the same flight tonight, Jeff said.  Then Charles will be alone and how hard that will be.  I could send him a card of sympathy to his house.  Susan sent me a photo of the flowers so I know they arrived OK yesterday.  

Recently I read A Grief Observed by C S Lewis in which he noted that bereavement is a stage of marriage--like a honeymoon or raising children.  Every marriage has to go through that stage if it lasts without separation or divorce.  Somehow I found that comforting.  I know one of us will have to face that stage alone--but not for a long time, I hope! 

Living Solo

 I won't post this blog until Jim is home with me again.  Not that I feel unsafe here--I was careful when we lived in Granger not to post when one or both of us were not home and there was an empty house.  But in a second floor apartment I feel pretty safe! Nevertheless, I check and double-check to see if the doors are locked and the garage door shut! 

Jim went to his conference in NYC alone.  After the wedding this weekend, I said I just didn't think I could do the city and needed to be home in my "silent retreat."  But it has been lonely.  Jim has called me regularly and I talked with a friend on the phone and saw another friend at 1 today.  

I did the "Divine Office" on my phone several times and will do so again today--joining in on the words spoken and listening to the hymns.  It is lovely and very meditative--with the Catholic church as a sponsor and spoken with a British accent.  Doing those prayers has given me a bit of focus to my long days. 

I made coffee myself which is usually Jim's gift to me every morning.  I forgot to put in the plastic filter and what a mess I made!  Even on the floor--and it is hard for me to pick up things from the floor.  I did it with difficulty and will get the "Swiffer" out later.  My meals have been simple but good enough--chicken soup yesterday and a bit leftover for today. 

Jim said this would be his last conference.  It is a bother to get somewhere--although he did Uber from home to Washington Square and that was easy and probably didn't cost all that much more than Uber to the train station, the train fare, and then a taxi to the hotel.  He is reading his paper today--and he is happy enough to see his many professional colleagues again.  But I am relieved that he said this is the last one.  Another step in the winding down of his career.  And it is not really his last one--he has agreed to be on a panel at one here at Princeton Seminary later this month--but that is just across town and not overnight.

I think it is a good thing to miss one's husband of almost 58 years.  I don't take it for granted that we can be together doing ordinary things each day.  

------------Jim is home.  He could not get an Uber--the app would not work.  So he used the hotel's car service and was just glad to have another way to travel--besides the train.  

Updates!

 My curiosity is somewhat satisfied.  I have heard from a few of my blog readers and that has been very affirming and fun.  Two readers came via Laura's blog.  Maybe I commented once with my website posted or maybe someone just searched for my name. Another reader was a friend of our son--many years ago--and it was great to hear from him again.  Still another was a friend from our former church in South Bend.  I read his mother's blog too!  And then there were a few folks that I did know about because they have commented or emailed before.  I hope a few more will be in touch via comments or email. 

One reader said he or she lived in the Netherlands and liked that I made banket and gave out chocolate letters.  I smile at that connection over the miles and told him or her that I am ordering a gift package from The Dutch Store in Grand Rapids as a present for a wedding we are going to celebrate tomorrow--a good gift for a couple who are combining households and don't really need much of anything.  I think they will enjoy Dutch cheeses, banket, and a tin of Wilhemina peppermints!  At least it will be a one of a kind gift for them.  

This is unrelated to the musings above but I am thinking how Jim and I share household duties.  We brought our income tax forms to the UPS store this morning and mailed them to an accountant in South Bend that we have used for years.  Jim did almost all the work of preparing them but I totaled our charitable contributions and sent for a tax receipt from one organization.  I fear my ignorance if I am left to do this on my own.  

Jim just took the laundry from the washer and put it in the dryer.  He started up the dishwasher.  I probably instigate the majority of household chores and certainly meal planning but he does more all the time.  

Jim has a conference in NYC next week.  He has contacted the hotel to make sure they are planning on two of us.  He will call the Uber to get us into the city on Sunday afternoon.  He made a restaurant reservation for Sunday night because the hotel said the restaurant is small and seating is limited.  I haven't decided for certain that I am going with him.  I am not mobile enough to do the big city on my own any more--so it's a matter of being alone at home or in our hotel room.  Jim wants me to go along.  To be determined Sunday afternoon!  I'll blog from  home alone or from the big city!

Happy Birthday, Jim!

We celebrated Jim's birthday on Saturday by asking Jeff and Susan to join us for lasagna and ice cream cake. That is probably Jim's favorite dinner and dessert.  However, lasagna is labor intensive so the birthday boy did his part to get the meal in the oven and on the table.  I have made a list of the layers in order next to the recipe in my notebook of favorite recipes and Jim called the layers out one by one while I put them in the pan.  The ice cream cake was a small one--but our freezer can handle only a small one so we cut it in four pieces and enjoyed every bite--no candles but we did sing Happy Birthday!  For Jeff and Susan it is just a ten minute ride from their place to ours and we are so happy that we can make that trip often! 

Jim heard from two of his siblings and also from Dan and Alex and Laura.  We have several friends who have birthdays within a day or two of his so greetings were exchanged with them.  I hope and pray that my dear husband has many more birthdays in good health and that I can celebrate them with him. 

Who Reads my Blog Posts?

30 people read my latest blog post on "I Used to be Younger."  Who are they?  I do not know.  I know who four or five of them are.  There is one dear friend who comments regularly.  Occasionally there are junk comments with someone who is selling something. I delete those solicitations.  It is quite possible that of the 30, there are many who are just scrolling looking for people to sell things to.

I have two main goals for blogging.  One is that it helps me think things through and writing helps with that.  The other is that the blog serves as a scrapbook of sorts--a way to remember our year when I make a book in January of the previous year.  A diary with photos!  It's amazing how much one can forget and it is fun to go back and look over years past.  I always enjoy seeing how much Jim likes to look over the books of yesteryear--or even just last year.

So..if you read this blog, could you leave a comment or send me an email to mvanderkam@hotmail.com?  Don't worry--I'm not going the Substack route or trying to sell anything!  I guess I am just curious!  

I Used to be Younger

Shutterfly sent me a collage of photos of our dear daughter over the years.  I saved it in a screen shot and sent it to her.  Her reaction was "I used to be younger."

Ah, so did we all.  My husband has a birthday coming up soon and he will be very close to another decade birthday.  It sounds old to me.  My close to decade birthday is just a few months later.  Jim has had his share of serious health issues over the years but I feel as if I am aging faster than he is.  He walks several times daily and I make myself go out for one short walk and even that is not easy for me.  I have made my peace with using a cane and look for it even when walking in the house.  

But...it's just a cane and not a walker or a wheel chair.  So I can be grateful to be mobile with that aid.  And I can still (there's that word "still") go up and down the steps to our second floor apartment. Once the use of that word was pointed out to me, I have been aware of its importance in the aging process.  Are you "still" driving?  Are you "still" living on your own?  

One place where we are not the oldest is our aptly named "Grace Notes Choir."  Looking around yesterday, I thought my husband looked like one of the youngest and handsomest men there.  The lady  next to me sits in a wheel chair and was quite distressed and confused asking her daughter who had brought her to choir where she  was going afterwards and where she would be sleeping that night.  She was reassured that she would be going "home" which meant her room in the senior living place where we meet. She sings along just fine but has a hard time finding her music in her file and then finding her place in the music.  Her daughter thanked me afterwards for pointing out my place in my music as a hint to her--and she was looking for that.  I was glad I could help her in an unobtrusive way.  

As we age, I just hope and pray we can keep from confusion and dementia.  And that we can continue to be self sufficient, taking care of our own daily needs and finances and medical appointments of which there are quite a few.  I am pleased that we were able to make a major move across the country as well as we did.  We have even made new friends here which I consider a real bonus at our age.  And we keep up with "old friends" with email and Facebook.  So mostly, life is good and I need to remember that when I get discouraged with feeling like  "I used to be younger." 

Passing the Torch

My husband, my editor!

 I am not sure how to title this blog but in bed this morning I was musing about how life is going on for our generation and that of our dear granddaughter--and that there are milestones for each of us.

Our granddaughter is finishing up her PhD in mechanical engineering this spring.  She is applying for positions and has had several Zoom interviews and at least one on campus interview.  It is an exciting and probably somewhat stressful time.  I emailed her to tell her of our pride and our prayers and received a very nice reply.

Jim has finished a writing project on Second Temple Judaisim and  contemplated where to send it for possible publication.  He was communicating with Eerdmans about something else and mentioned his manuscript.  He was encouraged to send it to them.  Over the years he has published with Eerdmans several times. 

 Tax documents are coming in daily so we are aware of royalties from them and from other publishers.  He said that it was 30 years ago when he got his first royalty check and that since then, the amounts have been from $4000 to $8000 each year.  It's not enough to support our life style, but it has been a bonus for work that he loves to do.

But last night he mused that this might be his last big writing project.  With two other scholars, he is editing the revision of the Dead Sea Scrolls Encylopedia which will go online.  He has a few articles to write and a paper to present at a conference in February but he doesn't have another major writing project started.  Maybe it's time to get back to his own biography.  I am quite sure he will find something that he will want to do. 

So one member of our family is starting out on a career and another is winding down.  And what about my vocation?  I am happy to be retired.  Teaching adult students who had dropped out of school was always a challenge.  I would pray on my way to work from Prayers New and Old published by Forward Movement called "Our High Calling:"  "Keep us at tasks too hard for us that we may be driven to thee for strength." 

But yesterday I felt I too had a vocation.  I had just finished a wonderful book called Stations of the Heart by Richard Lischer in which he told of his son's life and death at age 33.  As I have done several times lately, I found his email and wrote him to thank him.  Late last night, while lying awake in bed, I saw his response in which he said he was encouraged by my email and that encouragement was a good thing! These days there is not much I can do,  but I have my laptop and email and can send out messages of encouragement easily.  So I guess in my retirement, that is my vocation and I am thankful for that opportunity.  

March 5  Our grand-daughter told us yesterday that she has a job offer and it is a good one!  Now she can go to the next interview and tell them that she needs a decision within a week.  

Inauguration 2025

 

One of my most faithful readers said she was anticipating my blog this week--I guess in reaction to the inauguration of Donald Trump as our 47th president.  I was too overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety to post anything.  But this morning an article in the NYT gave me an entryway into corralling my thoughts and posting.

One of the events of Monday was a service at the National Cathedral.  I read that Trump's team was able to choose passages and music but not the presider.  Bishop Mariann E. Budden delivered the sermon and said that at the end of her preparation she decided to add a point with a plea for mercy.  The NYT called it a "rare public showdown.  The Canterbury Pulpit confronted the bull Pulpit on the greatest possible stage."And what was President Trump's reaction?  He demanded an apology from the "so-called Bishop" and "Radical Left hard line Trump hater."  "She was nasty in tone, and not compelling or smart."  

I say she spoke the truth with courage and I thank God for her testimony. She is receiving much praise and also threats.  This is what she said, “I ask you to have mercy, Mr President,” she said from the pulpit at the National Cathedral prayer service for the inauguration, “on those in our communities whose children fear that their parents will be taken away. And that you help those who are fleeing war zones and persecution in their own lands to find compassion and welcome here. Our God teaches us that we are to be merciful to the stranger, for we were all once strangers in this land.” (copied from The Guardian)

I will try to remember to pray for President Trump to have a change of heart that will stop the lies and create compassion for others.  I will pray for the courage of those who will try to thwart his plans of revenge.  I am thankful that President Biden pardoned the January 6 committee so Trump cannot prosecute them.  Lawsuits are being filed to protect those in the civil service and those with birthright citizienship.  Police organizations are objecting to the pardons he gave to those who attacked the police on January 6, 2020.  I pray for our country to survive this autocratic regime.   

--------------January 29  The daily news from Washington is so depressing.  I am aware of three friends who say they are not sleeping well since the inauguration.  Inspector generals have been fired.  Attorneys in the DOJ who worked under Jack Smith were fired--because of the presumption that they won't be loyal enough to Trump.  There are moves to change civil service employees to a category in which they can lose their jobs without cause.  Funds are being cut for overseas aid.  And deportations have begun--criminals, fine--but the definition of criminal is expanded.  And the app for applying for asylum has been cancelled.  It is chaotic and that probably is the method Trump is using because it is hard to know where to fight first.  The nominee for secretary of defense was voted in only because Vance had to break the tie--Hegseth,  supremely unqualified to lead such a big and important branch of service.  

February 3  from Representative Bonnie Coleman:

Rep. Bonnie Watson Coleman

@RepBonnie

My office has been receiving calls all morning from constituents outraged that an unelected billionaire was given access to their personal information. I share their anger, and my Congressional colleagues and I are working on oversight responses.

My Book Arrives!

 I was dismayed earlier this year to find out that Blog2Print was no longer functioning.  I looked for an alternative and on the first one I tried, I was unable to go through the downloading process.  My resident IT advisor, my daughter-in-law Susan, helped me feel that the other sites were secure enough in spite of Google warnings.

So with some trepidation, I made a book using pixxi.com.  It cost me about $30 more and I seemed to have fewer choices for the format.  It was a hard cover book and the photos looked larger.  I sent off my blog and my credit card payment and was gratified to get email responses from them--saying they had received my order and then that it was in the "print queue" and then that it was sent off.

And today, it arrived!  And I am pleased--very pleased to have one more record of "A Gift of Another Year."  2024 is published.  The last post is missing for some reason but that is my error or theirs and it is not a big deal.  I can begin next year with December 31, 2024 or Jim suggested trying to print up just that one post and put it in the back of this book.

Hooray!  The process worked! 

-------------January 20  Last night JIm spent a long time looking over my book!  I told him it's because he is a star of the book but he said he was enjoying reading it--not just because he was in it!  It's a bit strange to see how large some of the photos are but I am not feeling particular--just so glad to have a book again and a place to publish next year.

A Contrast in Presidents

 James Bratt posts today in the 12Blog summarizing why I felt so depressed and despondent last night.  Seeing several former presidents and one president-elect at Jimmy Carter's funeral brought home my concerns for the upcoming administration--the one for which  Trump bragged, "January 20 can't come soon enough."  

"The contrast this week has been striking. The solemn ceremonies and tearful farewells for ex-President Jimmy Carter over against the threats, bombast, and bloviations from President-elect Donald Trump.

Dig a little deeper and the disparities multiply. Carter as a lad once lifted a penny from the collection plate at church; his father so scolded him that he never stole anything again. Donald Trump watched his father run scams with federal housing funds, and Donald’s own sons worked with him to bilk charities founded in their name. Carter celebrated the end of Jim Crow in Georgia; Trump wished he could replicate it in New York. Carter was faithfully married to one woman for 77 years; Trump has worked through three wives besides the untold pick-ups from his Manhattan clubbing days, a civil conviction for sexual assault, and felony convictions for covering up payoffs to a porn star.

Carter served eight years in the U.S. Navy. Trump ducked behind his bone spurs. At the Naval Academy Carter was taught that honesty is an officer’s highest virtue and observed the lesson to a fault. Trump has lied like no president in history. Carter was born-again twice and ever professed Jesus Christ as savior and guide. Trump has followed—well, who’s the father of lies?"

One final note--The Judge in Trump's NYC trial in which the jury found him guilty of 34 counts presided over his sentencing today.  As expected, he will serve no jail time or penalties but the verdict is not denied.  He will become the first US President to serve with the designation of "felon" and he cannot pardon himself because it is a state charge.  Even though the Supreme Court with three judges he appointed gave him immunity in federal charges, they allowed this proceeding to go on with Roberts and Barrett ruling with the three "liberal" judges.  

I was happy with a great Orange Bowl game in which Notre Dame won over Penn State by kicking a last minute field goal-27 to 24.  It distracted me from the sad contrast in the news of the day.  

A New Year

 

Yesterday I took all the entries in this blog for 2024 and sent them to pixxi books.com to be printed up as a book.  I was dismayed to learn that Blog2Print was no longer in service.  Their parent company sent me to another site but I couldn't make that work beyond the downloading process.  So I tried pixxi books and I am encouraged by their email response today telling me that my book is in the print queue and they will let me know when it is shipped.  

2025 has begun with a tragedy when a person the authorities are calling a domestic terrorist took his rental truck and drove into a crowd celebrating the new year on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.  At least 15 people are dead and many more injured.  The driver was shot and killed by police.

This meant that the Sugar Bowl in which Notre Dame is meeting Georgia was postponed from January 1 to today, January 2.  I will write more about that later this evening.  Jim has asked if I am going to help him stay calm and I reminded him that ND has had such a good year up to this point.  Their record is 12 wins with only on memorable loss to Northern Illinois early in the season.  

--------------Hooray for the Irish!  It was a 23-10 win over Georgia and now we get to watch them again in the Orange Bowl when they play Penn State next Thursday, January 9.

I feel anxious about a new year hoping that we can stay healthy and enjoy each other's company.  I wonder if we will stay in our apartment or make the big move to senior living.  I wonder if the Trump era will create the chaos he threatens with deportation of illegal aliens and the revenge he says he will take on those who have opposed him in government and in the press. Will he really be able to replace thousands of civil service employees with his loyalists?  Will this affect some in our family and some friends? Are there enough good and principled people to stop him? 

January 4 from Heather Coxe Richardson's Letters from an American:

Yesterday, Biden awarded the Presidential Citizens Medal, given to those “who have performed exemplary deeds of service for their country or their fellow citizens,” to twenty Americans including former Representative Liz Cheney (R-WY), who served on the January 6 committee. Today, Trump attacked Cheney and others who investigated the events of January 6, 2021, as “dishonest Thugs.”

Cheney responded: “Donald, this is not the Soviet Union. You can’t change the truth and you cannot silence us. Remember all your lies about the voting machines, the election workers, your countless allegations of fraud that never happened? Many of your lawyers have been sanctioned, disciplined or disbarred, the courts ruled against you, and dozens of your own White House, administration, and campaign aides testified against you. Remember how you sent a mob to our Capitol and then watched the violence on television and refused for hours to instruct the mob to leave? Remember how your former Vice President prevented you from overturning our Republic? We remember. And now, as you take office again, the American people need to reject your latest malicious falsehoods and stand as the guardrails of our Constitutional Republic—to protect the America we love from you.”

I am posting this excerpt because I don't want to forget the concerns we have for our country right now and I hope that the good can prevail.  The judge in Trump's New York trial is going to sentence him on January 10.  He will not dismiss the case saying that the jury system must not be discounted.  However, he probably will not sentence him to prison--how can a President serve from prison?  But Trump will go down in history as the first felon to serve as President.  The civil suits against him stand but I don't think he has paid off any off his penalties yet.