Our Daily Spelling Bee

 Every morning, we open the NYT games site on our respective iPhones and do Spelling Bee.  Jim is kind enough to stop finding words at whatever point I stop.  He is definitely better at this game than I am and apart from seeing more words, he is better at finding the pangram—the word that uses all seven letters of the grid.  Today’s pangram was “hickory.”  Exactly seven letters. Sometimes the words are longer with duplicate letters.

Today I was amused to see the record the NYT has kept of our playing this game.  We have done 694 puzzles in which we achieved “Queen Bee” only 87 times—finding all possible words.  We almost always play until we reach “Genius” which is a percentage of possible answers.  We do what we can without hints but almost always go to the table of hints that gives us the first two letters of words and tells how many words there are with those initial two letters.

Is this a waste of time?  Probably, but we have time to waste in our retirement and it is a challenge for us.  I look forward to opening that game each morning, usually while drinking my coffee.  It is an activity that we do together.  We do learn new words sometimes of very little value however.  “Nene” is a bird; ”philhellenic”  is just esoteric.  We have learned to look out for three ways to spell one’s mother (momma, mama, and mamma) and to remember the often present “açaí” and if that is there, look our for “acacia” too.  

There is an active group on Facebook that complains often about the editor’s choices of words.  I posted once on that site when our local Dollar Tree had quite the display of bee-themed merchandise.  I didn’t buy anything but I had a lot of  “likes” on Facebook from the “Hive.” 

A Diamond and a Celebration

 

We were asked to save the date so we knew something good was going to happen.  But we didn’t know any details. 

There were 13 of us at dinner—hosted by Eli at Roots Ocean Prime in Princeton—adjacent to the Princeton University campus.  Eli included parents, siblings, Jim and me and Grandma from NYC.  We had a delicious dinner and got to admire the sparkling diamond on Katie’s hand.  The proposal took place at Plainsboro Preserve, a place that we have walked many times too.  

Now they will be off to Winston-Salem where Katie will be an assistant professor of teaching at Wake Forest University.  The wedding may be in the summer of 2026–a long time off!  

We are very happy for this wonderful couple—and they are very happy too!

June 9. A postscript:  Rogers (sitting between Jim and me) has tested positive for Covid!  We ordered up to date tests from Amazon—the ones in the closet were badly outdated—and they have already arrived.  Now we hope to be symptom free and disease free—ten days incubation period we read.  

June 15. 

After feeling like I was fighting a cold, with Jim’s help and the video of instruction, I did a Covid test and with the great drama of waiting 15 minutes, it was negative!  Hooray!  It’s strange how uneasy knowing that you have been exposed to someone who tested positive and waiting to see if you too are infected.  But so far we are OK!  Off to Jeff and Susan’s this afternoon to celebrate Father’s Day!

No WiFi

 Yesterday our Wi-Fi went out at about 4 PM and with some difficulty we connected with the Xfinity app and they kept postponing the time that it would be reconnected. Eventually it was connected at about 4 AM but I am still having trouble accessing things on my iPad, so I am writing this blog on my phone.

It was really enlightening to realize how much we depended on our Wi-Fi. We missed doing the New York Times puzzle together during our happy hour we could not watch any sports and at 10 PM Jim had to check the Mets score on his phone.

I found a book to read or to reread, and I think Jim was reading too, but we certainly did miss our Wi-Fi.

———Hours later—It wasn’t the end of the story.  Xfinity said it was connected but our devices said there was no internet.  Jim communicated with Xfinity via the app and they reset the Gateway device and it appears to be working—knock on wood!  

I’m Ready to Get my Life Back!

 

My “support person” and “coach” who has been 
Wonderful through this whole process!

I called United Health Care this morning and learned that I have unlimited physical therapy appointments available with a $25 copay.  So that will not be a reason to end PT!  But I felt yesterday that I was able to do almost everything at home without having to go in to the busy site two or three times a week.  So tomorrow I will talk to Jennifer about a plan going forward.  My suggestion will be to check in once a week for a while and I will see what she has to say.

Plus I am counting down the number of pills I have to take daily.  There are five days worth left of the anti-inflammation pill.  There are about the same of the 81 mg aspirin for clot prevention.   I have cut back on Tylenol taking two at night only instead of the nine originally recommended. So I have felt free to have a small glass of wine again with supper or happy hour.  

I am walking with the walker in the house but beginning to walk without it.  I have figured out how to avoid the early morning deep pain in my hip by getting out of bed and walking around a few times during the night—a few trips to the bathroom or kitchen has been enough for the last three mornings.  May it continue!  I had to figure that out on my own—when the PA offered another opioid (which I have successfully avoided!) and PT agreed that I needed to cut back on the exercise when it was making things worse.

My life has been consumed with this surgery since March 3 when I asked Dr. Delacruz what to do and he sent me for the x-rays which were diagnosed as “severe arthritis in left hip.”  I am eager for a more normal life!

May 29. Jennifer thought once a week check-in would be great for PT so that is what I will do from now on.  Progress!  

May 30. And more progress!  We went to Target together and got all our favorite Target bargains.  It was no harder than usual pushing a shopping cart.  I was glad to be home again but I always am after a big shopping trip.  And it was one more big step towards our normal lives.  

May 31 And another step forward.  I shopped at McCaffrey’s with Jim today—our regular Saturday shopping trip and I did it.  Always happy to be back in car sitting down again but we did it together.  Not sending Jim alone.  Hooray!

June 3. No more morning and evening drugs to take and record.  Progress!  Jim says I am “bustling about in the kitchen” more—not a lot but taking charge of meals more.  

June 12. It has been six weeks since surgery so I no longer have to sleep on my back which I did not do or keep a pillow between my legs if I sleep on my side.  I substituted a rolled up blanket but will be so glad not to do that any more either—always readjusting it if I turned over.

  The bad part about no more drugs (including Celebrex) is that my right hip started hurting and I can’t bear the thought of another surgery.  I am taking two Aleve a day and hope that helps.  I fell two days ago again—for no good reason which also concerns me.  I was plugging in my phone and found myself on the floor.  With difficulty Jim got me sitting in a chair and then up and around again.  I need to do those chair exercises and strengthen my legs! 

Dr. Katie Vanderkam

 We celebrated Katie’s graduation with a cookout at Jeff and Susan’s place today.  There were more than 20 of us with all of the VK family, Susan’s dad and sister, and good friends Michael and Roxanne and their children.  And Katie’s partner Eli and Michael’s friend Allie were there too.  It was so nice that Dan and Alex and all seven of the Conways made the effort to come to honor Katie.

Susan made one of her beautiful cakes and Jeff fixed chicken, burgers, and brats.  We contributed deviled eggs (Jim and I boiled and peeled 8 eggs) and some beer.  There was room for all of us on their spacious deck.  

We watched the hooding ceremony from our own living room.  That was far easier for me than parking a car and walking a long way.  Closer to bathrooms too!  We were thrilled to hear Katie’s name and see her honored.  

Then last night Jeff and Susan treated 12 of us to dinner at Metro North.  It meant a bit of a wait but Susan asked for a chair for me—as always, taking care of us!  I had the idea of toasting Jeff and Susan so Jeff quieted everyone down enough for my “speech.”  And I did it—and was happy to do it in front of their children, Eli’s parents, and Charles and Leigh.  I think it went over just fine!  

Three Princeton PhDs

26 years ago!

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Three Weeks Post-Surgery

 

After four weeks of abstinence!

Today is a milestone of sorts.  It has been three weeks since my hip replacement surgery and I am glad these three weeks are over.  I had another PT session with Jennifer at the outpatient site today and have three more scheduled for next week.  I may have to call United Health Care to see how many more they will pay for.  

Jennifer is so glad I had the surgery.  She remembers me being in more pain than I remember.  I do know that I could not even get my left foot into the pedal on the bicycle and now I have cycled for five minutes and the five minutes did not seem endless.  She stressed that recovery is a process and is not to be hurried.  She says my gait is so much better with the walker and it is best to continue to use it for now.  The pain I had in the early mornings was probably a result of doing too many exercises.  The best exercise is walking she said and I hope to take the walker outside again—if it ever stops raining.

I am learning that one gets mixed advice.  Shilpa said to put away the walker and the cane and get back to normalcy.  Jennifer says not to rush the process.  Monica said do not use the heating pad for relief of pain.  Jennifer says at this point, whatever helps is fine—and the cool pack was just too cold in the early morning hours.  It is a relief not to have to wear the compression stockings and to use the Spirometer several times a day.  I think I am past the concern for clots and pneumonia and infection.  

I have a three month appointment with Dr. Culp on July 14.  I have about ten days left of the many drugs I was assigned and will be very glad not to have to be checking them off every morning and evening.  I have not needed the OxyContin or at least I resisted taking it.  I have cut back on the Tylenol and thus have felt freer to have a small glass of wine with supper the last few nights.  I hate to think of all the medications my body has had to tolerate.

I am supposed to sleep with a pillow between my legs for six weeks.  We have substituted a rolled up blanket which is not as thick.  I find this uncomfortable and will be glad to have the freedom to sleep in whatever pose feels right at night—or in the wee hours of the morning.  

Jim has helped me with dressing—particularly getting socks on—and has helped me get in and out of the shower.  I have not needed the shower seat and will return that to Jeff and Susan.  Jim continues to help with household tasks and has taken the lead in many of them.  

I have been grateful for Jim’s kind and patient help.  I have been grateful for friends who have expressed concern and brought food and flowers.  I feel more a part of our church as staff and friends there have been in touch.  Dr. Culp said a full recovery would take three months and when I feel a bit discouraged, I have to remember I have made a lot of progress. 

We have several celebrations to enjoy next week with Katie’s graduation from Princeton with her PhD.  I have said on campus events may be too much for met yet but we will happily participate in a cookout and a restaurant dinner.  

May 24. Another major milestone.  I went grocery shopping with Jim today at Trader Joe’s and did well.  It was no more overwhelming than it usually is and we left with almost $150 worth of our bargains and favorite TJ items—coffee, almond coffee cake, a few new frozen items, not a lot of wine with my post-surgical abstinence, graduation cards, gluten free muffins to host the Moorheads for coffee, cheeses, etc. 

A note on the big margarita!  I had ordered a smaller one and the waiter said he would just charge us for that.  So I had to resist drinking the whole thing and I did.  The waiter asked if we wanted a to go cup.  I was amazed that was possible and so agreed to it!  It did not taste as good the next night!

May 27. I went to PT today and felt like it is time to quit that too.  Jennifer has so many clients at the same time.  I think I could do my exercises at home just fine except for the bike.  I will call United Health Care to see how many they are willing to pay for and that may give me a quitting motivation. 

Plus, through trial and error, I think I have found the answer to my early morning pain.  Two nights ago I made a few trips to the bathroom and the kitchen, and had no pain in the morning.  So last night, I I intentionally made a few outings from the bedroom and again, had no pain this morning.  If that is all it takes, I can do that.  I am restless enough at night.  I went right back to sleep each time.  And it was such a relief not to call Jim for the cool pack and to take more Tylenol.  Maybe I am getting ready for life post-surgery more and more!  

Recovery Continues

Again TMI for my readers, but it is good for us to remember this weeks-long process.

 Last night was the first night in a week that I did not call Jim to the guest bedroom to get me a cool pack for my intense hip pain.  It has been happening anytime from 3 am to 6 am.  I eventually go back to sleep after using the cool pack and taking Tylenol but it was quite painful.  I hope that this means whatever was happening is healed and will not happen night after night.

I am trying to walk in the apartment without the walker or a cane—and getting back to normalcy as Shilpa, my home PT, suggested.  But I am very uneasy after a year of using the cane and several weeks with the walker.  Shilpa pointed out that I had walked 78 years without assistance and it was time to go back to that.  She even had me walking outside—going down our 17 steps normally too—not one at a time.  Shilpa is tough!   But I can see after these five sessions with her that she had a plan of each time gradually getting me to stop using my aids and moving on my own.  I do wonder however if my skipping exercises yesterday was the reason I had no pain last night.  I will give myself today too—Sunday—as a day of rest and see if it is another pain free night

Then back to Jennifer, my PT at the outpatient facility,  on Monday.  It will be interesting to see what she has me do.  I wonder if I will be able to do the bicycle that I absolutely could not do pre-surgery.  

I just looked over the long list of medication printouts that were in the Meds to Beds bag we were sent home with from the hospital.  There are so many possible side effects but I have had none.  We are supposed to get rid of the OxyContin in a safe way—I am glad I avoided using it.  They charged Jim $38 for the whole bag of drugs—reasonable enough and very convenient to avoid having to make trips to CVS right away.  

Yesterday Jim dropped me off at the entrance to the library, parked the car in the parking deck, and joined me to help me find several books on the shelves along with the requested book they had for me.  He had previously said that if that was enough of an outing, he would bring me home and get groceries on his own.  It was enough!  I was glad to go home and rest.  It is a process of re-entering the world from the confines of a hospital room and then our lovely apartment.  

May 19. I am home after my outpatient physical therapy visit with Jennifer.  I am pleased that I was able to do the bicycle for the five minutes set on the timer so that is progress.  I had trouble getting my left foot even on the pedal pre-surgery.  However, Jennifer said my gait is much better with the walker and that once you develop a limp, it is hard to get rid of it.  So.. back to the walker.  And no assigned exercises because my early morning pain was non-existent when I gave myself Saturday and Sunday off from the exercises and longer walks.  She said I needed to give my body more time to heal.  Fine with me if I can avoid that early morning pain and any opioids. Right now I am very tired from the effort of getting to physical therapy and doing what she suggested.  

We got a statement from the cardiologist’s yesterday.  We owed $40 co-pay but the entire bill was $7884!  Between insurance coverage and adjustments that was all we owed.  I hope the surgeon’s bill, the hospital bill, and the anaesthesia  bills are similar.

May 20. Jim reminded me that Dr. Culp said recovery from surgery takes three months.  I am not even one month into that yet.  Most of the pills are for 33 days so I have 13 days to go there and will be very glad to not be taking so many each day and recording them.  I did not wake up with early morning pain—for the three days now so that is very good. Even though I used the bike and did some exercises at PT yesterday.   I can be patient about using the walker.  Eventually I will walk without aid and if not, so be it!  

A Reminder to be Thankful!

I am reminding myself that two weeks ago I was dreading surgery and now it is over and I am recovering well enough.  I am ready for a life that is not measured by medication recording and physical therapy exercises.  But except for early morning pain (very early—5:30 or 6:30 am) I have had little pain and I am walking with a cane not a walker. 

I have written before how thankful I am for Jim’s patient and loving care.  I am also thankful for friends who have brought food and called and stopped by.  We moved here almost six years ago and it is no small blessing to have made new friends here when we left so many friends back in South Bend.  A friend brought me chocolates.  Another friend made us the best chicken soup I have ever had—and it was enough for two meals.  Other friends came by yesterday to visit and brought wonderful scones and flowers. Still other friends from years ago with whom we were able to renew friendship brought a chicken pot pie from McCaffery’s —again enough for two meals.

We left a small church in South Bend where we knew everyone and knew we would be cared for by them.  But this week has been one in which two staff people from our large congregation here in Princeton have called to see how I was dong—and I have received a few cards.  We have found a church home here too.

Plus Jeff and Susan always make us feel welcome in Princeton.  They brought Olive Garden take out for Mother’s Day and that too made two meals.

I am weary from not sleeping all that well and from knowing I have to meet up with my home physical therapist’s standards this afternoon.  I am tired of choking down so many pills and still have 20 days to go for most of them.  But I need to remind myself to be thankful for progress and for people who have helped and encouraged me along the way.  

May 15 I left a message at Dr. Culp’s office about my early morning pain.  The PA tried to call me back but my phone sent it to voice mail as an unknown caller.  Jim googled in Safari as to how to fix that and I hope we did.  I left messages back for the PA twice but have no answers.  That is frustrating and I hope for a better night tonight—it was a wake-up at 3 am with pain that made the rest of the night difficult.

But on a positive note, Shilpa, my home PT, said to put the walker away and walk without the cane.  She had me doing 8 laps around the dining room table without an aid.  She also had me going up and down the 17 steps in a normal fashion—not one step at a time.  I feel very uncertain about the walking and will have to build confidence.  The steps were really OK—hanging on to a railing makes that secure.  

May 16. Cory, the PA at Princeton Orthopedics, called back this morning and reassured me that my pain is normal—after exercise all day and putting weight on that leg when I lie down and rest, the pain occurs.  I could get a stronger pain medication if I wish but I will hold off on that.  I feel at peace about his call.    Although I do not feel as much at peace when my hip hurts deep inside the bone at 4:30 am!  It is as if it is telling me to get that artificial joint out of there!  But I have no pain all day long so that is so good.

The Routine of Recovery

 

Chicken soup from friends!

I lay in bed this morning and thought about my day realizing that my only task was to do my hourly exercises and my twice a day exercises.  It was not a thought that made me bounce out of bed!  Plus taking morning, noon, and nighttime medications.  And making the effort of taking a shower sitting on the shower seat and knowing it is past time for a shampoo—which I think I will do at the kitchen sink.

Yesterday, Shilpa, my home physical therapist for two weeks, came and did my first session.  She adjusted my walker, gave me lots of work to do, and was not easy on me!  But that is her job.  She will come back later this week.  My work with children with learning disabilities has made me think about skills like auditory and visual memory.  I have realized that I don’t have the skill of a good motor memory.  It is hard for me to remember exercises so when she comes again, I will need correction I am sure.

Jim and I had our first date 63 years ago.  And now it has come to his getting my compression stockings on in the morning and helping me take my shower and get dressed.  How thankful I am for his help.  He has been so patient and loving and I am grateful!  

Home Again!

Again, this post is TMI for my readers but it is my way of remembering events in our lives.  And hip replacement surgery has been the major event in my life since March 3 when I asked my primary care provider what I could do for my arthritic hip—and the journey started with an x-ray that afternoon. 

We were awake early on Thursday—I slept very little—so we got to the hospital early and were ready for the 10:20 surgery easily.  Being wheeled into the operating room was the one moment I felt a bit of panic.  It was cold and large and I felt like a piece of meat put on a slab to be cut up.  I don’t remember anything of the anesthetic and woke up in recovery where there was a very kind nurse Kathy and many beeping machines. I didn’t have a lot of pain but that was the one time they gave me OxyContin.    I could see a bit of blue sky and that comforted me.  I was very eager to see Jim and it wasn’t long before they wheeled me to Room 207 where we could be together.  Dr. Culp was in the hall and walked with us there.  He said everything had gone well and that he had done some extra work for my hip bone to prevent breakage. I asked how many surgeries he did that day—and it was six!  

My cheeseburger tasted great for supper.  Jim stayed with me until almost 9 pm.  The night nurse Sydney was very kind and allowed me to stop the compression stockings which were driving me crazy with their off and on modes.  A physical therapist got me up and walking a bit but I was quite dizzy.   It was a long and uncomfortable night knowing that I was supposed to be on my back which is not my way to sleep ever!  Eventually I disobeyed and turned to my side and got a little bit of sleep.  

There were endless pills to take and “vitals” to be checked.  On Friday morning a physical therapist came again and walked me down the hall with my walker to make sure I could do steps and get in and out of a car.  That was not difficult for me to my relief.  An occupational therapist came also to teach me how to safely get dressed and put on socks and shoes without bending over.  The sock gadget that came with the hip kit (from Amazon) was tricky so I tried it twice with her guidance—but I still am not sure I can do it on my own. Jim helped me this morning instead—putting on compression stockings to prevent blood clots 

There were some problems for me with urinary retention due to the spinal anaesthetic.  The nurses did several bladder scans but eventually they decided the issue was not bad enough to keep me at the hospital or need a catheter.  Thank goodness!  The last hour was endless as we were ready to go and there was some delay in processing the forms.  But finally the wheel chair arrived and John wheeled me out.  And Jim was waiting at the hospital entrance. 

Home!  To watch Washington Week  and the Mets.  We had a simple supper of bacon and cheese on English muslins and fruit.   I was not hungry.  I had a better night of sleep in which I called Jim twice on the phone from our second bedroom to supervise my bathroom trips.  

I have made a sheet of pill monitoring because there are so many to take for the next 30 days. No alcohol for 30 days either.  I hope to avoid the really strong pain medication of OxyContin and so far I think I can.  Jim helped me with my shower using a shower seat that came from Jeff and Susan’s attic.  

Jim will go to get groceries by himself as I will continue to rest and ice my poor hip.  I was somewhat uncomfortable during the night and at times in some pain but it could be a lot worse.  It’s a different pain than pre-surgery pain.  

It’s over!  I was so apprehensive and I hope I will not have to do it again for the right hip which is also arthritic but not as bad.  Almost without exception, the medical staff and support staff were kind.  Just one person was abrupt with my fumbling attempts to get in and out of bed and using the toilet.  She also was hard on her aide trainee.

Ah, there is joy in using the toilet without someone waiting to help me walk to and from the bed.  There is joy in brushing one’s teeth and just now taking a shower.  The joy of being home again and thankful that the 17 steps to our apartment were not difficult.  I hope and pray the recovery will proceed normally with no danger of infection or blood clots or a lot of pain.  I hope this will all be worthwhile if I can walk without a walker or cane and enjoy less arthritic pain and more mobility.  

One Day to S Day!

 I hope and pray that tomorrow at this time I will be in my private room at the hospital having gotten through the surgery and starting my recovery.  Maybe I will have gotten on my feet and walked to a bathroom.  Maybe I will get a meal.  I hope I will be not in a lot of pain and I hope I will be lucid!  I hope Jim will be at my bedside.  So I just need to get through the next 24 hours!

I was very happy to get a phone call from the hospital even before the 12-6 time slot when they said they would call with the time of surgery.  That had worried me.  What if it got to be 6 pm and I didn’t hear from anyone?  Then what?  But the time is 10:20 with arrival at 8:20.  This is good—not too early and not so late that fasting will be difficult.

We decided to make a trial run to the hospital to find the East Entrance and the P1 Parking Lot.  We did so easily.  

Now for a shower and the anti-biotic wipes we have to use all over my body.  There are six of them and six illustrations of which body parts are for each one.  Apparently one feels sticky afterwards.  I am not looking forward to this and wonder why this is needed.  But I will comply.  Then I will pack a bag and as that always stresses me when I travel, I wonder too what I must have with me.  I am making a list and adding to it as I think of things—ear plugs, for example!  

No food after midnight.  Drink lots until 6:20 and then no more.  I don’t think I will stay awake to drink.  I hope I get some sleep tonight in spite of my stress but if I don’t, they will put me to sleep in the operating room.

I have been thankful for my friends who are praying for me and for a couple of friends who have offered meals.  I thought of a friend who went through chemotherapy and surgery and said she envisioned all those who were praying for her standing in the room as she went through each procedure.  I hope I can do the same.  That should be encouraging.

I wrote a note to Joe, the owner of the salon, who cut my hair for me.  A good haircut makes me feel confident going into the hospital-

A Paean to my Husband

 “In sickness and in health.”  I am not sick but these last few weeks Jim has stepped forward to do so much more than his fair share around here as I struggle with mobility and some pain.   I ask him to pick up things from the floor or  to bring me things from another room as he is enroute to wherever I am sitting.  He helps with the cooking and laundry.  He drives me places and gives me his arm when we are walking any distance.  Even with a cane, I feel more secure with his arm too.  I have not used my walker in public places yet. Yesterday he even went into the library with me to help me scan the shelves and find my volumes from top and bottom shelves.

I hope that if the day comes that I need to care for him in the way he has cared for me, I can do so with the same amount of patience and good will he has shown.  

And because the many pre-surgery instructions include no alcohol for a week before the operation, Jim has joined me in abstinence. I didn’t think I would mind giving up my happy hour wine, but I have to say that the last two nights we have had very nice dinners of salmon and asparagus and shrimp and asparagus, and I really missed my glass of Pinot Grigio to complement my meal.  I hope this requirement does not go for a long time past the surgery too.  Jim has watched the required video twice and is prepared to be my “support person” and “coach.”  I guess this means he will remind me to do my exercises and to use the ice packs and to not stand or walk too long or far.  

Plus Jim has had to listen to me speak of my worries and concerns over and over again.  I do tend to have to talk things through and aloud and who else is going to listen to me?  My journals provide an outlet and emailing friends has helped.  But he is bearing the brunt of my therapy needs!  I welcome his hugs! 

“For better and for worse.”  May it soon be “for better!”  

The Newest Dr. Vanderkam

 

Katie defended her dissertation this afternoon at Princeton University.  Her work was on combustion and turbulence and that is about all I could say in summary.  She gave a talk of about 45 minutes with many beautiful slides with formulas and graphs.  There were some questions afterwards and then a celebration for Dr. Vanderkam.  Jeff and Susan and Eli were there.  We joined in by Zoom as did Eli’s parents and several of Katie’s colleagues.  We were very impressed and proud!  Next year Katie will be a professor at Wake Forest University.  A degree and a job!  Hooray!

One Week to S Day

 April 23:  I am enjoying my glass of wine because this is supposed to be the last one for a week.  I took my last Aleve on Saturday thinking they may have been the culprit for some gut issues.  No more Aleve allowed either.  Another call from the hospital told me of one more video they want me to watch—but it never arrived so we can wait on that privilege.  One more heart test—an echogram tomorrow.  I was so bold as to call Dr. Wong’s office to say that I had received no instructions and did that mean there was no stress test involved?  Thank God, there is not.  I hope it will be a far less complicated and nerve wracking time there than last week.

Jim had two medical appointments today and came through both very well.  We are always glad when he gets another good eye exam and he too had an EKG which was normal.  

I was reading my book and suddenly had a feeling of panic about this whole thing.  I went out to the deck and soaked up some Vitamin D and tried to do my mindfulness with my breath prayers. (Healing in, fears out)  I got a vision of being in the hospital with Jim at my side and found that comforting.  He should be able to be with me much of the time before and after surgery but I definitely will send him home at night.  A friend told me her husband spent four nights at her bedside when she had pneumonia.  I hope not to ask for that!  One night and I hope I will be sent home the next day.  Another friend told me her mother had to go to rehab after hip surgery.  I told Jim that if I can’t get up the steps, we are going to Homewood Suites together where they have an elevator.  But that is borrowing trouble.  I plan to climb these 17 steps slowly but surely on May 2.  

As I am trying to think positively, I was grateful to have an important question answered by my dear gynecologist on the portal today.  And grateful to know that the follow-up physical therapy appointment I made will be with Jennifer—I won’t have to meet one more new medical person.  

———-April 24:  The echogram was easy.  We were in and out in about 30 minutes.  The doctor will call with the results tomorrow.  I am not anticipating any issues. The video email was lost in my junk mail.  However, it was one we had seen before and watching it made me feel somewhat reassured.  At least it wasn’t a whole lot more to learn.  I have a sense of preparing for a final exam and getting set up for failure.  

Another Birthday

 

I am thankful to celebrate another birthday.  I have two beautiful bouquets of flowers from my offspring.  We had a lovely Easter dinner with Jeff and Susan and Katie and Eli last night.  We bought an ice cream cake for Jim and me for our own celebration today.  I didn’t want a restaurant meal tonight in my zeal to keep up the bit of weight loss I have had.  So we will do that at some other time. 

The day started with an appointment with Sierra, the PA at Dr. Culp’s office, not Dr. Culp himself as I anticipated.  That was OK.  She answered my questions and I dutifully signed all the permission forms.  Since getting home, a coordinator at the hospital called to make sure I had a cane and a walker and a good support person.  She will arrange for physical therapy at home for the first two weeks after surgery.  She checked to see if my husband, also a man of advanced years, would be able to do this role.  I assured her he could.  I was not happy to find out that I would have to stay a night in the hospital thanks to the fact that I had to see a specialist as part of my pre-admission testing.  I am trying to tell myself that this will give me time to get complete instructions from a physical therapist for all the warnings they give about how to dress, get in and out of bed or the car, go up steps, etc.  And maybe we can be sure that the effects of the anesthesia are worn off.  I was reassured to learn that at least all rooms in the hospital are private. 

Amazon just brought me a box of candy from Jim and a  handle to help me keep my balance in the shower. One more thing for handy man Jim to set up for me.  

I think the photo I included is appropriate.  Beautiful flowers fill the frame with the handy walker in sight.  

Nuclear Stress Test

 Jim walked me into Dr. Wong’s office by 11:15 for my 11:30 appointment.  I did not get started much before noon and at that point, Jim went home. We were home by 4:00.  It was a long afternoon.

Richie gave me the radioactive solution in my arm and explained the process.  I then had to wait for about 30 minutes.  I think.  The day is a bit of a blur.  The first scan was not difficult.  I am not claustrophobic or it might have been an issue but they warned about that and I guess you could get a sedative if needed.  

Then I waited in a small waiting room with two other women most of the time.  I asked the one who was doing needlework if she was enjoying the TV game show and she said vehemently, “No, I hate it.”  So I asked Richie if he could turn it down.  That was a relief! 

I was trying to read the gospel of Matthew on my iPhone using The Message.  It was hard to concentrate!  This has been my “spiritual discipline” for Good Friday for several years—reading one whole gospel and it was Matthew’s turn this year.  I got up to chapter 25 and will do more tomorrow.  

Helen, who was my waiting room buddy, came in after her second scan saying something like she hoped she never had to do it again.  Or maybe that was the other waiting room buddy who said that.  Helen did say they had to give her an antidote for the drug they inject to speed up your heart rate-if you cannot do the treadmill.  That was not reassuring although she told me the discomfort didn’t last long.   And because I am having hip surgery and use a cane, the treadmill was out. 

Evonne, the nurse, reassured me when it was my turn that everyone reacts differently to it and some have no problems.  And they would be monitoring me.  My heart rate was high enough even before they started.  They kept asking me how I felt and I certainly could feel my heart racing and I felt a bit blurry.  I said I would not want to have walked anywhere at that point.  But I did not have to.  They monitored me looking at the EKG and then called for the antidote for me too.  That did frighten me a bit.  I guess my heart rate was very fast and not coming down at all.  They were all very calm.  The antidote worked and it went down to a more normal rate. 

 It was time for another wait in the small waiting room. At that point I could eat something and I was ready to do so!   I had had nothing since 5:30 am when I had eaten a couple of peanut butter crackers in bed.  I didn’t need coffee.  I had really missed my morning coffee but I guess with our half decaf in the morning, I am not addicted to caffeine.  I did not have a headache with caffeine withdrawal like I had at other times in past years. 

The second scan was easy enough.  Evonne and Rinku, the physician’s assistant who was also monitoring me, said if it was normal we would not hear from them before Monday.  If it was not normal, they would let us know at some point tonight.  “Then what?” I asked.  Then you would need heart catheterization, I was told.  

I texted Jim to ask him to wait in the parking lot for me at that point. 

As I was finished with the second scan, I asked Reggie how old his children were—he had told me earlier that he had two of them and was hoping to not have to use daycare for them this summer. As I lay there, I thought am I going to tell him my Grandma Mary trick for Easter or not?   I thought why not?  When I heard Reggie had a four year old, I told him I wanted to draw him a picture.  So I quickly drew my two circle Easter bunny cake idea with the ears and the bow tie.  Maybe I can add a photo to this blog.  We are past that stage for now with our grandchildren  and I am not making it for children at our church as I had in the past. So I still got to pass it on!    I told him to tell his little one that he had a patient named Grandma Mary.  He probably did not have any other patients drawing him pictures for home!  

Jim was waiting for me and helped me to the car. About an hour after we got home, Jim saw that there was a phone call from Dr. Wong’s office.  He had a bit of a scare knowing that they said they would not call if it was normal.  But it was the kind Evonne calling to say it was normal and she didn’t want me to worry over the weekend.

Next week, when I go in for my echogram, I will tell the staff that they can look at this blog to read how reassuring and kind and competent they all were.  I was grateful for their care and for good news and I am so thankful to be home with Jim.  Now just to get through this surgery and the weeks of recovery.  

The Saga Goes On!

 We are home again from a meeting with Dr. Casey Wong, a cardiologist.  Jim and I both liked him and felt we could trust him.  He did not see red flags on my EKG and said those diagnoses were probably computer generated and the doctor just signed off on them.  But they were “red flags” for me and scared me.  He said we were treating my blood pressure and cholesterol issues with the right medications.  My mother’s heart attack at age 59 and then a second fatal heart attack is always a part of my history.

Dr. Wong scheduled a nuclear stress test for this Friday and an echogram for next Thursday.  The nuclear stress test involves four hours of our time; the echogram is not as big a deal.  All are done right in his office which is convenient.  He said to go ahead and sign papers for surgery and if problems come up, he will call Dr. Culp to cancel.  So this will be our life for the next week—and then next month, if the surgery goes through.  

I am thankful for health insurance because I don’t want to think about what this would cost.  I am thankful for Jim’s presence with me.  I am also thankful I don’t have to abstain from caffeine, alcohol, and chocolate until 24 hours before the nuclear test.  So we can have McDonald’s burgers, fries, and milkshakes tonight after all!  And I can enjoy my glass of wine right now while updating my blog and my family and friends.  I’m thankful to have people who care!  

Pre Admission Testing

 I was stressed about this PAT appointment and it did not help when the map we were sent to find the office in the large hospital complex was wrong. Eventually we were sent on a long walk to the correct place.  With Jim’s arm and my cane, I made it!  The staff there took a photo of the incorrect map so they could correct the mistake for others. Once there, we were seen quickly by Lisa, Irene, and Debbie and it was a relief that we could stay in one examination room and the staff rotated in and out.  I had bloodwork, an EKG, and was asked many questions and given answers to many of my questions.  We were given a guidebook and a couple of handouts.  Everyone was very kind and helpful.  

Some medications need to be stopped; others taken even the morning of surgery.  There are detailed instructions for antiseptic wipes to be used the night before surgery to prevent infection.  We were told to launder sheets and pajamas the night before surgery again to prevent infection.  I created a calendar to help me remember some of this and Jim as my “coach” and “support person” will have to help.  

Debbie gave us information about the anesthesia and I have to say that worries me—no feeling in legs for a while after surgery, twilight sleep so that you can’t remember what happens, possible nausea.  I remember a terrible headache after surgery for a ruptured disc in 1985 and Debbie said it was probably due to a leak and it can happen. But if it does, they have medication to help.  I remember how awful that was over the Christmas holiday and hope it won’t happen again.  

I was overwhelmed with information and instructions and thought I would lie awake ruminating.  But God gave me the gift of sleep and I was grateful—restless sleep but that is not unusual.  And plenty of sleep anyway.  Again, this is TMI for my few readers but it is a good record for Jim and me of our lives today.

Now for two more pre-op appointments, one with my primary care practice with Sylvia, the nurse practitioner, and one more with Dr. Culp supposedly to sign papers.  And I do have a few more questions.  

Now my prayers for peace of mind and acceptance that I am doing the right thing.  I had very little pain yesterday so I almost welcome pain to reassure me this is what I need to do.  The deterioration in my hip is not going to get better on its own.  I continue with my “leave of absence” this week which meant Jim went to Grace Notes Choir without me and will go to the Lenten group alone as well.  

———-April 11 I was dismayed when I checked on my portal before going to my primary care provider to get the OK for surgery that my EKG was “abnormal.”  Sylvia, the very dear nurse practitioner I saw, said that was not uncommon but at my age I should have it checked out by a cardiologist.  I spent an hour trying to get an appointment with someone but the cardiologist I had seen a few years ago could not take me until August as a new patient again.  Another call to a practice Sylvia recommended was frustrating and I really wonder if I was talking to someone in a call center.  I left a message for Michelle, the scheduler for Dr. Culp, to say I had problems and she called back and said she would get me an appointment with someone they use next week.  I am thankful that I am not in much pain at all lately.  Maybe this all means I should not have surgery.  I can be glad that if there are heart problems, we can deal with them.  But it has all been very unsettling and anxiety producing this afternoon.  

Planning for Surgery

 Yesterday, the scheduler Michelle called from Dr. Culp’s office with a May 1 date for surgery and then a list of other appointments both before and after surgery.  She told me that an email would come with attachments to be printed up and brought to my appointments.  The email did not come for hours and I was concerned about that.  I followed up on the portal and it did arrive eventually.  When I told Michelle it would take me a few minutes to get my calendar, she told me not to hurry.  I appreciated her empathy and patience and responded to tell her that later in the day.

Jim and I watched the required video a few minutes ago.  It is overwhelming to think of all the cautions and procedures one must follow for success.  However, I am trying to remember that it will be one step at a time and there will be people to answer questions along the way.  I am thankful Jim will be here to be my support person and coach.  Plus he will allow me to stay off my feet or do the only 300 steps a day I am suppose to do in the first week.

I already have a walker and a support frame for the toilet.  I ordered a step counter and a “hip kit” from Amazon.  

I was a bit irritated that I received a text from Dr. Culp with a survey about my pain and ability to think and manage my life.  I had already answered all the prompts on the portal earlier.  Maybe they are checking to see if I am consistent.  Maybe no one really looks at these surveys.  I said that I thought my ability to answer medical questions was excellent.  I said my social relationships were very good.  My ability to do everyday chores not so good.  My emotional state was moderate and that may be rating higher than it is some of the time.  My pain levels are nothing when I am sitting—but moderate when I reach for things or get up and down from sitting.  I find dressing and undressing to be some of my harder moments of the day.  I did not anguish over my answers.  I will see if the doctor mentions them at my pre-op meeting on my birthday.  What a way to celebrate! 

————April 7  I told myself I could have a “leave of absence” from my usual life for this time before surgery and probably a few months after surgery.  That made me feel better about decisions for each day and week.  Jim just offered to go to Target alone and I accepted his offer and am pain free sitting on the sofa.  We did livestream church yesterday and enjoyed the livestream of our church’s Blue Grass Mass on Saturday afternoon.  No walking was involved to the municipal parking lot.  We do miss a church parking lot!  

————April 8  Jim just left alone for the Lenten Communion Service that Grace Notes Choir does at Windrows.  I let Noel know that I probably would not be coming.  I feel best just sitting on the sofa.  I feel sorry to not be a part of something that I know I can contribute to but this is easier.

Every day there is some reminder or other from the medical people.  I confirmed my Pre-Admission Testing appointment yesterday online and then they called today also.  Maybe that was the call I missed yesterday.  I am telling myself to be glad they are so organized.  I hope I will feel reassured after the appointment tomorrow with some more questions answered.  

Hip Replacement Surgery

 

We met with Dr. Culp this morning, three weeks after our initial appointment.  I had a list of questions for him written down as Jennifer had suggested.  He answered all of them in a reassuring way so that I felt better about this meeting with him.  He is scheduling surgery several weeks in advance but would try to get me in earlier with cancellations.  So now we wait until we hear from his office.  He said the surgery was minimally invasive, not cutting into muscle and entering from the anterior side.  He said I might go home the same day and I could get up the steps—as long as I did not have to keep going up and down.  He said he could guarantee 99% success-I told him I didn’t ask for 100 %.  The 1% was for complications which can happen with any surgery, I know.  So the process is started and I feel less anxiety for the moment at least.  His office will take care of the insurance process. He said something like he could feel the pain when he looked at my x-ray.  

We celebrated with the IHOP trip we have been talking about ever since we gave up on our Florida trip in January.  It was a senior breakfast of 2-2-2 for me and French toast for Jim and it was a very filling treat.  I emailed my friend Peggy who was praying for me—and emailed Jeff and Susan who were here Saturday when I was not doing well.  Jeff said he would refrain from saying, “It’s another sign you are growing up.”  That was our phrase for him as he grew older—another sign you are growing old in my case.  Maybe I will feel less old in three months—the recovery time Dr. Culp anticipated for full recovery.  

Chaos in Washington, DC

 Every morning, I read the Substack post from Heather Cox Richardson, a historian from Boston College.  It can be accessed free but I pay $50 a year to support her thorough summaries of the news.  It is not a pleasant start to my day.  It is a daily reminder of the chaos in Trump's circle with Elon Musk coming in with a chain saw as he said to cut out government waste.  But instead essential and needed programs are being cut with people fired and then sometimes rehired.  

And then there is the craziest story from Jeffrey Goldberg, the editor of the Atlantic and the host of Washington Week which we watch every Friday night on PBS.  He was given an invitation to join a Signal group talking about war plans.  He thought it might be a hoax but he joined and realized it was a serious breach of security on a format that would disappear after a certain number of days.  So there would be no archival record as demanded by law.  That he was included was certainly not intended.  No one asked who he was and when he left no one asked why.  This is the result of having Fox newscasters in charge of cabinets and not qualified, experienced staff--Hegspeth in charge of Defense.  No one in Trump’s circle has admitted any breach or given any apologies.  And so far, no one has lost his job for what might  been worth a court martial farther down the line in the military.  

I hope the Intelligence committee in Congress gets some answers on this.  Trump of course just insulted The Atlantic as a losing magazine which it isn't and has nothing to do with this mistake on his people's part.  And Hegspeth insulted Goldberg when he only released some of the information when those on the post said it was not war plans or classified when it clearly gave time and place for hits.  

Our president has said he wants to take over Greenland—and has not eliminated doing so by force.  He wants Canada to be the 51st state—an idea not welcomed by Canadians.  And Panama too is a place he is looking to annex.  Vice President Vance and his wife were not welcomed in their visit to Greenland this week except at an American military base.

-------March 28. Today's Washington Post reports that the WSJ editorials are criicizing Trump and sees this as a reason for hope for our free press and democracy.  I hope they are right.  It will be interesting to watch Washington Week tonight.  

Every night I pray that God will give Trump and Musk and Vance each a heart of compassion and a stop to their cruelty and deceit.  I am ashamed of our country.  

April 2. The judge that Trump supported and Musk gave away 2 million dollars to voters lost in Wisconsin.  Hooray!  The two congressmen Trump supported in Florida won so the Republicans keep those seats in Congress.  However the margin was less than Trump’s margin of victory in November.  So there is some discontent.  

The cruelty of deporting a man in error and admitting it was an error saying he cannot be brought back from the horrible prison in ElSalvador is so shameful.  Where is the compassion and decency in this administration?  I grieve daily.

A New IPad

 

My laptop died this week.  Rather than get a new one, our daughter-in-law Susan suggested I get an ipad.  She helped me order one from the Apple Store yesterday and Jim went to pick it up today.  I began the process of setting it up connecting it to my iphone and then getting several Google apps.  

Jeff and Susan came over this evening and brought supper--and then Susan helped me with a "tutorial" on how to use my ipad.  I was about two or more steps behind her as she was swiping up and down and sideways.  But I hope I have learned something and it will become instinctive as I get more familiar with my little gadget.

An immediate problem was downloading this photo so I will have to ask her for more help.  But I worked around it, sending it to Jim, downloading it on his laptop, and then creating my blog on his machine.  Success!  And enough for tonight.  Not more screens until tomorrow!  

I am so grateful for my IT expert, my daughter-in-law, and her patience with me and the time she gave me out of her busy life.  

Slowing Down

 I have written before about being OK with a more limited life.  We have travelled a lot and have many good travel memories.  I am quite content with staying home with my laptop connection to the world, books to read, NYT puzzles to solve, and a husband to keep me company each day.  But I have also been aware that even in this smaller environment, my life is slowing down.

The walker helps me with mobility.  But  I can't jump up quickly from the sofa or bed to walk across the room to get something.  I get up slowly, making my way to the handles of the walker, and then steadily finding my way around furniture to wherever I need to be--the kitchen, the bathroom, the closet.  It is a more deliberate journey.  Carrying items while pushing a walker is a challenge.  Conserving steps by making two or three stops along the way is a goal.

I have yet to take the walker anywhere out of the apartment except for one short walk outside in which we picked up mud on the wheels.  For grocery shopping and church and our Lenten group meeting, I stuck with my easily accessible cane.  

I received a denial of benefits from United Health Care for 18 physical therapy visits but approval of 12 visits.  This is not a problem because I have used up only five visits and have just one more scheduled before I meet with the doctor to get more information about hip replacement surgery.  I assume they will approve of that with the doctor's recommendation.  And after that, I can use more of the physical therapy appointments needed.  I have happily paid my $25 copay for the assistance and accomodation suggestions Jennifer has given me--and the emotional support and advice she has provided too.  

 I am hoping that the day will come when I can walk without any assistance from a cane, a walker, or even my husband's arm.  

My Good Husband

 

My very dear physical therapist Jennifer at Princeton Orthopedic Associates suggested I use a walker instead of a cane.  I was resistant feeling like it was another blow to my pride as the cane was a year ago.  I had made my peace with the cane however and will probably be thankful for the walker too.  

I ordered the walker from Amazon.  It was inexpensive enough not to bother with getting a scrip and using insurance. It came within a few days.  I gasp when I open up a package and see that some assembly is required.  But I have a very patient husband and he went right to work and put it together in no time at all.  It really just needed the wheels to be put on and then adjusted for my short height.  So this is another big step in the aging process and a reminder to be thankful for kind and helpful medical people.  I can be thankful to be alive and will hope for an easing of pain.  I can stand up straighter with the walker and feel more secure.  I will have to try a longer walk outside tomorrow. 

I posted this photo on Instagram and saw that among the likes were ones from Jasper and Katie.  My grandchildren liked their aging grandmother's posts.

A Concert in our LIving Room

 

Last night we had guests for a pizza supper.  A former student of Jim's and her husband and son were in town for a conference so they were able to spend some time with us.  The son is 14 years old and is an amazing violinist.  He played a concerto for us and it was a joy to hear and to watch his fingers fly over the strings. 

 I was so bold as to ask if he had any pieces with piano accompaniment so that I could make some music with him.  They brought along Vivaldi's Four Seasons and I thought I could try the first page or so of the Autumn piece.  And I did--and although I missed one key change along the way, I kept up with him and we ended at the same time--no small accomplishment!  So some day when Joseph is a famous violinist, I am going to say that I made music with him in our very own living room! 

TMI

 

My new cane

This is TMI for any readers I have but worth recording for our own memories because it has been a week of medical appointments and some progress.  Monday I had a six month check of my A1C which I dreaded because I meant to lose more weight and I meant to eat fewer chocolates.  While I was there, I asked my primary care doctor for help with my hip arthritis which has worsened over the last months.  He gave me a script for an x-ray and to my amazement, I was able to schedule that for a few hours later.

The x-ray came back already that afternoon as "serious osteoarthritis" and my doctor via his aides gave me the name of a hip specialist.  I was able to schedule an appointment with him for next Monday.  The office person at Princeton Orthopedics told me I had to have a disk of my x-ray to show him.  More on that later as I wondered why electronic transmission was not possible.

I anxiously awaited the glucose and A1C results and they came in on Tuesday with a diagnosis of "mild diabetes" and a recommendation to "limit simple carbs and sweets" and drink more water.  I eat very few simple carbs but I do succumb to sweets and I certainly could drink more water.  I felt I was given another six month reprieve to try to do better and am so glad I don't have to take any more drugs with unpleasant side effects.  (We hear too many ads on TV!) 

So then there was the hassle of getting a disk which had to be ordered from Medical Records at the hospital where I had the x-ray.  I went through an interminable phone chain without success and finally talked to a real person who put me on to another real person.  I ordered the disk and said I would pick it up that afternoon.  It was pouring rain but we made the trip to the hospital.  I asked for directions to Medical Records and hoped it wouldn't be a great distance as I walked along with my cane.  "Take a left and then another left" I was told.  I had to ask for help twice while walking the long corridors with multiple places to take a left. But I succeeded and when the clerk saw me pull out my reading glasses to fill out the permission form, she asked me for my driver's license and did it for me.  I thanked her, left with my disk, and hoped to be able to take a right and then another right to reverse my directions and find the entrance.  Happily there were exit signs and I came close enough to the right place to text Jim who picked me up after a very short wait in the rain.

So, progress and relief and maybe next week I will get some help for the arthritis--not hip replacement surgery which I have vetoed but maybe a cortisone shot or some temporary relief.  I felt weary at times this week of advocating for myself but also grateful for kind medical help and really quite prompt results for tests and xrays via voice mail messages.  And I am very grateful for my husband who was my chauffeur and has had to listen to my laments.  

---------------------An update on March 9:  I saw Dr. Culp at Princeton Orthopedics this morning at 8:40.  He showed me my x-rays which were not reassuring.  Because there are cysts on the bone, he cannot do a cortisone shot.  He said I would probably need a hip replacement but for now he gave me a script for physical therapy.  I was happy to be able to schedule that evaluation for tomorrow already.  My primary care doctor suggested Tylenol Arthritis instead of more Aleve.  So I have a plan--not the plan I hoped for but I feel cared for at least.  And I really have not had as much pain yesterday and today so that makes me more optimistic! I just have a sense of my body betraying me-- a look inside at those x-rays which showed damage that cannot be undone.  But it is not life-threatening just a recognition of aging and deterioration.

---------------------March 12  I went to Physical Therapy yesterday where a very kind Jennifer did some stretching of my left hip, taught me an exercise and then put me on a bike.  All good except for the bike and I have been in more pain since then.  She stressed that they did not want to cause more pain so we will have to figure this out tomorrow on my next visit.  I am discouraged!  They may send me to a hip replacement yet.  Apart from my own issues, I was quite interested in the whole business model of a very busy large room with two therapists working with multiple patients and various aides helping.  Jennifer did not appear to be rushed and certainly seemed to be focused on me.  I was a bit taken back when she suggested a walker instead of the cane.  That seemed to be a step back and a blow to my pride when it was hard enough to accept a cane!  I said not for now --but I will listen to her reasoning tomorrow!    

---------------March 13  Another PT appointment.  Jennifer is really lovely and I am thankful to work with her.  She said she would like to drive me to a hip replacement surgery-- it will only get harder to do it as I wait.  I tried the walker and ordered one from Amazon for only $34.  Not worth bothering to get a scrip and Medicare for that.  I can use it at home--and walks--and for my pride's sake, stick with the cane for church, etc.   And I am not in the pain that I was on Tuesday evening.  I turned down the offer to do the bike again!  It was a torture machine for me!

Dinner in Gladwyne

 

Laura emailed that they would like to see us again--and I emailed that we needed an invitation!  That invitation came immediately and we settled on the next Saturday for an early dinner.

Laura ordered out and two big bags of food arrived making everyone happy with sushi for some and teriyaki chicken for others.  Plus chicken nuggets and fries for some of the younger, less adventuresome eaters. Contrary to the puzzled looks on these two eaters, they liked their meals! 

We enjoyed catching up on some Conway news and then it is so good that it is just an hour's ride home to sleep in our own beds.  In many ways, it was good to move cross country to be closer to children and grandchildren.  

It was six years ago that we put our Granger house on the market, sold it to the first family that looked at it, spent months down-sizing and packing, moved into temporary housing in South Bend and then in Princeton, and then finally in mid-July 2019 settled into our apartment.  It's almost time to sign the lease again which we will do.  

The big move into senior housing is on our minds and in our prayers but we can't seem to make the next step to put down our deposit and wait for our name to come up for the size apartment we would want.  

Susan's Mother Dies Unexpectedly

 We are mourning with Susan and her family in the sudden death of her mother on Wednesday.  

Obituary for Sharon Hughes Killian

Mrs. Sharon Hughes Killian, age 79, of Asheville, NC, passed away suddenly on February 26, 2025. She was born on January 24, 1946, in the loving home of Edmund Earl Hughes Jr. and Edith Polasek Hughes, who preceded her in death.

Sharon was the beloved wife of Charles Edwin Killian for 57 years. Together, they raised a family full of love and pride. She is survived by her husband, Charles; her daughters, Leigh Killian Altman (Allen) of Keller, TX, Susan Killian VanderKam (Jeffrey) of Princeton, NJ, Teresa Killian Tate (Jed) of Waynesville, NC; her son, Charles Edwin Killian, Jr. (Kristina) of Cary, NC; and her 10 grandchildren, Katie, James and Michael VanderKam, Anna and John Altman, David, Andre, and Aly Killian, and Samuel and Edie Rose Tate.

Sharon was also a loving sister to Kathy Bambach, Ed Hughes III, Dorothy Hovis, and Robert Hughes. She cherished her family deeply, and her nurturing presence will be greatly missed. She was also preceded in death by her brothers, Thomas and David Hughes.

A proud alumna of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro (UNC-G), Sharon was part of the first co-ed class at the university in 1967. She earned her B.A. in Mathematics and went on to have a rewarding 25+ year career as a Math Instructor at A.B. Technical Community College, where she was the director and guiding force at the Guided Studies Math Lab.

Sharon was a dedicated member of the Women’s Guild and Adult Choir at St. Eugene Catholic Church and was known for her involvement in the PEO group, as well as her talent for quilting and heirloom sewing. Her contributions to the community and her family were countless, and her warm heart and kind spirit left a lasting impact on all who knew her.

In addition to her work in education and community, Sharon’s passions extended to her family and her faith. She will be fondly remembered for her deep love for her family, her devotion to her church, and her tireless commitment to bettering the lives of others.

Visitation will take place from 12:00 PM until 2:00 PM on Sunday, March 2, 2025, at Morris Funeral Home in Asheville, NC. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at St. Eugene Catholic Church in Asheville, NC, on Monday, March 3, 2025, at 10:00 AM, with Reverend Patrick Cahill officiating. Graveside services will take place on Monday, March 3, 2025, at 2:00 PM at Gilkey United Methodist Church Cemetery in Rutherfordton, NC.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be made to the UNC-Greensboro Foundation or ABCCM Helene Relief Fund in honor of Sharon's legacy.

Sharon's family takes comfort in knowing she is at peace, surrounded by love, and that her memory will continue to inspire those who had the privilege of knowing her/

------------March 3  Susan sent me the link to the Livestream of the funeral mass so in between my doctor's appointment waiting, I watched that and then later at home.  It was lovely--full of "hope," and the music was very nice.  I was touched to see Katie, James and Michael take the elements along with their mom.  I'm so glad they could be there to support Susan.  By now, the burial has also taken  place at a family plot and soon Jeff and Katie will be home--on the same flight tonight, Jeff said.  Then Charles will be alone and how hard that will be.  I could send him a card of sympathy to his house.  Susan sent me a photo of the flowers so I know they arrived OK yesterday.  

Recently I read A Grief Observed by C S Lewis in which he noted that bereavement is a stage of marriage--like a honeymoon or raising children.  Every marriage has to go through that stage if it lasts without separation or divorce.  Somehow I found that comforting.  I know one of us will have to face that stage alone--but not for a long time, I hope! 

Living Solo

 I won't post this blog until Jim is home with me again.  Not that I feel unsafe here--I was careful when we lived in Granger not to post when one or both of us were not home and there was an empty house.  But in a second floor apartment I feel pretty safe! Nevertheless, I check and double-check to see if the doors are locked and the garage door shut! 

Jim went to his conference in NYC alone.  After the wedding this weekend, I said I just didn't think I could do the city and needed to be home in my "silent retreat."  But it has been lonely.  Jim has called me regularly and I talked with a friend on the phone and saw another friend at 1 today.  

I did the "Divine Office" on my phone several times and will do so again today--joining in on the words spoken and listening to the hymns.  It is lovely and very meditative--with the Catholic church as a sponsor and spoken with a British accent.  Doing those prayers has given me a bit of focus to my long days. 

I made coffee myself which is usually Jim's gift to me every morning.  I forgot to put in the plastic filter and what a mess I made!  Even on the floor--and it is hard for me to pick up things from the floor.  I did it with difficulty and will get the "Swiffer" out later.  My meals have been simple but good enough--chicken soup yesterday and a bit leftover for today. 

Jim said this would be his last conference.  It is a bother to get somewhere--although he did Uber from home to Washington Square and that was easy and probably didn't cost all that much more than Uber to the train station, the train fare, and then a taxi to the hotel.  He is reading his paper today--and he is happy enough to see his many professional colleagues again.  But I am relieved that he said this is the last one.  Another step in the winding down of his career.  And it is not really his last one--he has agreed to be on a panel at one here at Princeton Seminary later this month--but that is just across town and not overnight.

I think it is a good thing to miss one's husband of almost 58 years.  I don't take it for granted that we can be together doing ordinary things each day.  

------------Jim is home.  He could not get an Uber--the app would not work.  So he used the hotel's car service and was just glad to have another way to travel--besides the train.