Susan's Mother Dies Unexpectedly

 We are mourning with Susan and her family in the sudden death of her mother on Wednesday.  

Obituary for Sharon Hughes Killian

Mrs. Sharon Hughes Killian, age 79, of Asheville, NC, passed away suddenly on February 26, 2025. She was born on January 24, 1946, in the loving home of Edmund Earl Hughes Jr. and Edith Polasek Hughes, who preceded her in death.

Sharon was the beloved wife of Charles Edwin Killian for 57 years. Together, they raised a family full of love and pride. She is survived by her husband, Charles; her daughters, Leigh Killian Altman (Allen) of Keller, TX, Susan Killian VanderKam (Jeffrey) of Princeton, NJ, Teresa Killian Tate (Jed) of Waynesville, NC; her son, Charles Edwin Killian, Jr. (Kristina) of Cary, NC; and her 10 grandchildren, Katie, James and Michael VanderKam, Anna and John Altman, David, Andre, and Aly Killian, and Samuel and Edie Rose Tate.

Sharon was also a loving sister to Kathy Bambach, Ed Hughes III, Dorothy Hovis, and Robert Hughes. She cherished her family deeply, and her nurturing presence will be greatly missed. She was also preceded in death by her brothers, Thomas and David Hughes.

A proud alumna of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro (UNC-G), Sharon was part of the first co-ed class at the university in 1967. She earned her B.A. in Mathematics and went on to have a rewarding 25+ year career as a Math Instructor at A.B. Technical Community College, where she was the director and guiding force at the Guided Studies Math Lab.

Sharon was a dedicated member of the Women’s Guild and Adult Choir at St. Eugene Catholic Church and was known for her involvement in the PEO group, as well as her talent for quilting and heirloom sewing. Her contributions to the community and her family were countless, and her warm heart and kind spirit left a lasting impact on all who knew her.

In addition to her work in education and community, Sharon’s passions extended to her family and her faith. She will be fondly remembered for her deep love for her family, her devotion to her church, and her tireless commitment to bettering the lives of others.

Visitation will take place from 12:00 PM until 2:00 PM on Sunday, March 2, 2025, at Morris Funeral Home in Asheville, NC. A Mass of Christian Burial will be held at St. Eugene Catholic Church in Asheville, NC, on Monday, March 3, 2025, at 10:00 AM, with Reverend Patrick Cahill officiating. Graveside services will take place on Monday, March 3, 2025, at 2:00 PM at Gilkey United Methodist Church Cemetery in Rutherfordton, NC.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions can be made to the UNC-Greensboro Foundation or ABCCM Helene Relief Fund in honor of Sharon's legacy.

Sharon's family takes comfort in knowing she is at peace, surrounded by love, and that her memory will continue to inspire those who had the privilege of knowing her/

------------March 3  Susan sent me the link to the Livestream of the funeral mass so in between my doctor's appointment waiting, I watched that and then later at home.  It was lovely--full of "hope," and the music was very nice.  I was touched to see Katie, James and Michael take the elements along with their mom.  I'm so glad they could be there to support Susan.  By now, the burial has also taken  place at a family plot and soon Jeff and Katie will be home--on the same flight tonight, Jeff said.  Then Charles will be alone and how hard that will be.  I could send him a card of sympathy to his house.  Susan sent me a photo of the flowers so I know they arrived OK yesterday.  

Recently I read A Grief Observed by C S Lewis in which he noted that bereavement is a stage of marriage--like a honeymoon or raising children.  Every marriage has to go through that stage if it lasts without separation or divorce.  Somehow I found that comforting.  I know one of us will have to face that stage alone--but not for a long time, I hope! 

Living Solo

 I won't post this blog until Jim is home with me again.  Not that I feel unsafe here--I was careful when we lived in Granger not to post when one or both of us were not home and there was an empty house.  But in a second floor apartment I feel pretty safe! Nevertheless, I check and double-check to see if the doors are locked and the garage door shut! 

Jim went to his conference in NYC alone.  After the wedding this weekend, I said I just didn't think I could do the city and needed to be home in my "silent retreat."  But it has been lonely.  Jim has called me regularly and I talked with a friend on the phone and saw another friend at 1 today.  

I did the "Divine Office" on my phone several times and will do so again today--joining in on the words spoken and listening to the hymns.  It is lovely and very meditative--with the Catholic church as a sponsor and spoken with a British accent.  Doing those prayers has given me a bit of focus to my long days. 

I made coffee myself which is usually Jim's gift to me every morning.  I forgot to put in the plastic filter and what a mess I made!  Even on the floor--and it is hard for me to pick up things from the floor.  I did it with difficulty and will get the "Swiffer" out later.  My meals have been simple but good enough--chicken soup yesterday and a bit leftover for today. 

Jim said this would be his last conference.  It is a bother to get somewhere--although he did Uber from home to Washington Square and that was easy and probably didn't cost all that much more than Uber to the train station, the train fare, and then a taxi to the hotel.  He is reading his paper today--and he is happy enough to see his many professional colleagues again.  But I am relieved that he said this is the last one.  Another step in the winding down of his career.  And it is not really his last one--he has agreed to be on a panel at one here at Princeton Seminary later this month--but that is just across town and not overnight.

I think it is a good thing to miss one's husband of almost 58 years.  I don't take it for granted that we can be together doing ordinary things each day.  

------------Jim is home.  He could not get an Uber--the app would not work.  So he used the hotel's car service and was just glad to have another way to travel--besides the train.  

Updates!

 My curiosity is somewhat satisfied.  I have heard from a few of my blog readers and that has been very affirming and fun.  Two readers came via Laura's blog.  Maybe I commented once with my website posted or maybe someone just searched for my name. Another reader was a friend of our son--many years ago--and it was great to hear from him again.  Still another was a friend from our former church in South Bend.  I read his mother's blog too!  And then there were a few folks that I did know about because they have commented or emailed before.  I hope a few more will be in touch via comments or email. 

One reader said he or she lived in the Netherlands and liked that I made banket and gave out chocolate letters.  I smile at that connection over the miles and told him or her that I am ordering a gift package from The Dutch Store in Grand Rapids as a present for a wedding we are going to celebrate tomorrow--a good gift for a couple who are combining households and don't really need much of anything.  I think they will enjoy Dutch cheeses, banket, and a tin of Wilhemina peppermints!  At least it will be a one of a kind gift for them.  

This is unrelated to the musings above but I am thinking how Jim and I share household duties.  We brought our income tax forms to the UPS store this morning and mailed them to an accountant in South Bend that we have used for years.  Jim did almost all the work of preparing them but I totaled our charitable contributions and sent for a tax receipt from one organization.  I fear my ignorance if I am left to do this on my own.  

Jim just took the laundry from the washer and put it in the dryer.  He started up the dishwasher.  I probably instigate the majority of household chores and certainly meal planning but he does more all the time.  

Jim has a conference in NYC next week.  He has contacted the hotel to make sure they are planning on two of us.  He will call the Uber to get us into the city on Sunday afternoon.  He made a restaurant reservation for Sunday night because the hotel said the restaurant is small and seating is limited.  I haven't decided for certain that I am going with him.  I am not mobile enough to do the big city on my own any more--so it's a matter of being alone at home or in our hotel room.  Jim wants me to go along.  To be determined Sunday afternoon!  I'll blog from  home alone or from the big city!

Happy Birthday, Jim!

We celebrated Jim's birthday on Saturday by asking Jeff and Susan to join us for lasagna and ice cream cake. That is probably Jim's favorite dinner and dessert.  However, lasagna is labor intensive so the birthday boy did his part to get the meal in the oven and on the table.  I have made a list of the layers in order next to the recipe in my notebook of favorite recipes and Jim called the layers out one by one while I put them in the pan.  The ice cream cake was a small one--but our freezer can handle only a small one so we cut it in four pieces and enjoyed every bite--no candles but we did sing Happy Birthday!  For Jeff and Susan it is just a ten minute ride from their place to ours and we are so happy that we can make that trip often! 

Jim heard from two of his siblings and also from Dan and Alex and Laura.  We have several friends who have birthdays within a day or two of his so greetings were exchanged with them.  I hope and pray that my dear husband has many more birthdays in good health and that I can celebrate them with him. 

Who Reads my Blog Posts?

30 people read my latest blog post on "I Used to be Younger."  Who are they?  I do not know.  I know who four or five of them are.  There is one dear friend who comments regularly.  Occasionally there are junk comments with someone who is selling something. I delete those solicitations.  It is quite possible that of the 30, there are many who are just scrolling looking for people to sell things to.

I have two main goals for blogging.  One is that it helps me think things through and writing helps with that.  The other is that the blog serves as a scrapbook of sorts--a way to remember our year when I make a book in January of the previous year.  A diary with photos!  It's amazing how much one can forget and it is fun to go back and look over years past.  I always enjoy seeing how much Jim likes to look over the books of yesteryear--or even just last year.

So..if you read this blog, could you leave a comment or send me an email to mvanderkam@hotmail.com?  Don't worry--I'm not going the Substack route or trying to sell anything!  I guess I am just curious!  

I Used to be Younger

Shutterfly sent me a collage of photos of our dear daughter over the years.  I saved it in a screen shot and sent it to her.  Her reaction was "I used to be younger."

Ah, so did we all.  My husband has a birthday coming up soon and he will be very close to another decade birthday.  It sounds old to me.  My close to decade birthday is just a few months later.  Jim has had his share of serious health issues over the years but I feel as if I am aging faster than he is.  He walks several times daily and I make myself go out for one short walk and even that is not easy for me.  I have made my peace with using a cane and look for it even when walking in the house.  

But...it's just a cane and not a walker or a wheel chair.  So I can be grateful to be mobile with that aid.  And I can still (there's that word "still") go up and down the steps to our second floor apartment. Once the use of that word was pointed out to me, I have been aware of its importance in the aging process.  Are you "still" driving?  Are you "still" living on your own?  

One place where we are not the oldest is our aptly named "Grace Notes Choir."  Looking around yesterday, I thought my husband looked like one of the youngest and handsomest men there.  The lady  next to me sits in a wheel chair and was quite distressed and confused asking her daughter who had brought her to choir where she  was going afterwards and where she would be sleeping that night.  She was reassured that she would be going "home" which meant her room in the senior living place where we meet. She sings along just fine but has a hard time finding her music in her file and then finding her place in the music.  Her daughter thanked me afterwards for pointing out my place in my music as a hint to her--and she was looking for that.  I was glad I could help her in an unobtrusive way.  

As we age, I just hope and pray we can keep from confusion and dementia.  And that we can continue to be self sufficient, taking care of our own daily needs and finances and medical appointments of which there are quite a few.  I am pleased that we were able to make a major move across the country as well as we did.  We have even made new friends here which I consider a real bonus at our age.  And we keep up with "old friends" with email and Facebook.  So mostly, life is good and I need to remember that when I get discouraged with feeling like  "I used to be younger."