A former colleague posted Maslow's hierarchy on Facebook and I found it comforting. I remember it from education courses and realizing how hard it would be for a student, child or adult, to learn if his or her basic needs were not met. So these days, in our apartment, we are meeting our physiological and safety needs although they are threatened by empty grocery shelves and news full of Covid 19 stories and masked people everywhere and Jim's cancer diagnosis. But friendship and self esteem and certainly self-actualization needs are not easily met these days.
Yesterday I never left the apartment. Jim walked on sidewalks in the apartment complex but I find that boring and just didn't bother. We did online church but that leaves something to be desired in fellowship and communal praise. I did a load of laundry, made cauliflower soup and granola (not for the same meal!), and downloaded one more mystery (Lord Peter Wimsey) for my iphone Kindle app. I looked forward for watching #3 and 4 of The Last Dance, a Michael Jordan show on ESPN, with Jim in the evening. But when it came on, I was so irritated with the noise and fights and Dennis Rodman's piercings that I despaired and went into the bedroom to read. All in all, I just didn't feel like I could find the resources in myself to make it a good day and it wasn't. Plus a whole week of trying to exercise more and eat less left me weighing exactly what I weighed before. I know others have it much harder than I do and I am so grateful that we are not sick and we can breathe and we are not on ventilators but I was just plain tired of the way we are having to live right now and I gave in to my mood and wept.
I want to see our families--so near now and yet so far because we can't bring any exposure to them nor they to us. Plus I am worried about Jim's cancer and so hoping and praying it has been treated successfully. And I am not in a position to help others right now as I have in the past--through teaching or music or volunteering at the library or just being a good neighbor or church member.
It does help to realize others are feeling the same way and that Maslow pictured it in a way that makes sense. When will it end? We don't know and it may be a while until we can put away those masks and hug our children and grandchildren. Jim remembers my dad telling him that when he was a GI in Europe during WWII, the hard part was not having an end goal. He was there for a year and a half. How hard that must have been for him and my mother. And this is a war of sorts--a war against a virus and against the misinformation that comes from the highest levels of government, especially the White House.
Some states are reopening in part but if done too soon, the cycle will worsen.
It also helps me to write about it--and I so hope and pray that when I make my Blog2Print book at the end of the year, this will all be something that we can say, "Thank God that is over. We are able to see each other again. Jim's tests are reassuring. Life is back to normal."
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