Princeton Seminary's Farminary

Last week one of Jim's golfing partners was Nate Stuckey, the manager of Princeton Seminary's Farminary, a 21 acre farm a few miles outside of Princeton.  The goal of the Farminary is to be a "place where theological education is integrated with small scale regenerative agriculture to train faith leaders who are conversant in the areas of ecology, sustainability, and food justice."  Nate asked Jim if we would like to tour the Farminary and of course, Jim said Yes.

As Nate told us about the history and goals of the Farminary, we could see two herons on the farm pond.   We walked around the property and saw the hen houses (now producing over three dozen eggs daily), the vegetable garden and the bee hives.  Nate stood next to a large compost pile made up of vegetable scraps and leaves raked from seminary grounds and told us it was a good symbol of theological understanding about death and life, renewal and regeneration.  

 Nate was raised on a farm and at one time was a farmer himself in Kansas.  He decided that was not right for him and came to the seminary where he got his degrees, never dreaming that one day he would incorporate both his vocations into one.  The seminary too probably didn't envision this use for the land it purchased in 2010 as an investment or possibly a place for more student housing.   We appreciated the vision others had for a lovely and useful place.  Plus we came home with a jar of honey that we knew was "farm to table."  

Gender Roles in 53 Years of Marriage

 Last week when Jim drove 12 miles up the busy Route One to bring the Kia Sportage in for a recall issue,  I pondered the gender roles in our marriage.  As Jeff once said, "Mom feels a blog coming on."  When Jim came home, I thanked him for taking that responsibility and leaving me home in our air conditioned apartment.  He pointed out that I had just written a get well card and a sympathy card to friends and signed his name to them.  We each have our roles and have settled into them without conflict or resentment.

For the first nine years of our marriage, Jim was a student.  I was the primary wage earner for some of those years.  We had a small child after four years of marriage.  These circumstances made shared responsibilites essential and natural.  We did have some struggles to feel like we were each doing our fair share but they must have been resolved.  

We came into marriage as most people do with differing family stories.  My dad and in fact even one of my grandfathers were helpful around the house. When I was four years old, my dad spent a year in a Veteran's Hospital many hours from our home.  I remember my paternal grandfather driving down our street in his black 1950 Ford once a week to help my mother.  I wonder now why it was he who helped and not my grandmother.   Jim's dad was a busy pastor and his mom was the traditional "juffrouw."  Jim's mom would serve his dad coffee bringing him sugar and cream as well while he remained seated somewhere. 

So how have we divided our responsibilities now?  Jim definitely takes care of the car, a pretty traditional male role.  He balances the checkbook which he took over from me when he felt he could do it better (which is probably true and I was happy to give that up!).  We pay separate credit card bills for two differing credit cards.  Jim has done almost all the negotiations with our financial advisor and his retirement accounts.  I initially researched our health insurance and social security decisions.  

When there are home maintenance issues, neither one of us needs to make repairs.  However, Jim is the one to put the query on the "portal" and get Alonso, our head maintenance man,  to come and help us out.  Alonso likes us because we don't ask for much and I made him "banket" for Christmas.  

 I plan and cook meals except for Sunday morning breakfast when Jim boils the eggs and puts out the sweet rolls.  We are each on our own for breakfasts the other days. Jim puts out the snacks for our happy hour and we usually get our own beverage.  He is the coffee maker and just now when I made some decaf for us at 1 pm, he thought it was too strong.  Jim always does the dishes after supper and runs the dishwasher when needed.  I love walking away after supper!  But Jim says he is happy I cook the meals.  I do the laundry but he sorts his own stuff and puts it away afterwards.  Jim reminded me that he vacuums after I dust.  I hate dusting so we tend to postpone both tasks!

Since moving to Princeton, Jim has done most of the driving even when I have my own errands to the library or CVS.  This is not good because I am losing my nerve and skills in driving. We grocery shop together once a week usually.  

Jim almost always says the grace before our meals although occasionally asks me to take a turn.  Does this make him the "head of the house" in a spiritual sense?  When we were able to hear our wedding vows on the old super 8 tape we retrieved last year when we moved,  I noted that I did not promise to obey in our vows.  But Jim's dad's sermon was about the man being the head of the house as Christ was head of the church. 

We make travel decisions together but I book hotels and airline tickets.  

I'm glad we can share our lives, each taking roles in it.  We probably each do what we are best at.  We hope that it can continue this way for a long time in the future!

A Blip in Blogging!

Blogspot has informed me that after July 1 they will no longer support feedburner to send out emails about my blog.  I think that was the word--feedburner?   I could download my email list but when I tried to do that it was full of spam emails.  My stats say that there are usually about 10 readers, sometimes as many as 20.  If you are one of those and want to get my blog please email me at mvanderkam@hotmail.com or maryvanderkam@gmail.com and I will send it to you.  I am sometimes surprised at finding out who does read it and am happy to share my random thoughts.  

 The real value of the blogs for us is my Blog2Print Book that I make at the end of the year.  Jim and I were perusing the 2019 book because it is the two year anniversary of our leaving South Bend and driving to Princeton.  It has been good to see what we have survived--from packing up a large house, getting rid of innumerable items, living in two transitional locations,  and setting up a new home here in Princeton.  There were so many changes in our lives;  we are thankful for our quiet lives today.   

Thanks for reading!   

A Trip to the Catskills

We were honored to be invited to celebrate the marriage of Lucas VanEngen and Jenson Smith on June 17 at Full Moon Resort in the Catskills. They were married last November but were having a party now for family and friends.   It was a three hour ride from Princeton.  We arrived in time to settle into our beautiful cabin and take a shuttle to the location of the ceremony.  Lucas and Jenson had a complete wedding ceremony with bridesmaids, groomsmen, music and vows. (And a "sermon of sorts" from Abram, Lucas's brother).     My dear friend Sue, mother of the groom, was stunning in her black palazzo pants and white cape--and it made me smile to see her escorted by two of her grandsons. And how lovely to see Jenson in her beautiful wedding dress walking up the path to the wooded setting. 

There was a time for cocktails after the ceremony and then a fine dinner in which we were seated next to one of Sue's seven sisters and Lucas's acting manager.   We watched the dancing afterwards and as always I regretted our reluctance to take the floor with the others.  I totally forgot about masks which were no longer required--until I woke up at 3:15 am in a small panic hoping we were not exposed to anyone with Covid!  But we are vaccinated;  I assume most if not all the guests were as well.  

Sue really made us feel a part of her family as we joined them for breakfast the next morning.  By 10:45 we were on the road heading to Dan and Alex's home also in the Catskills.  

But this is when we hit a problem as we lost our cell phone connection and had not brought a map.  We played it safe and headed back to I 87 where we could travel south until we got to New Paltz and then we picked up coverage again.  We were in no hurry but it was a lesson on how much we depend on Apple maps and sometimes that just does not work.

Alex gave us the grand tour of the house which was much more furnished than when we visited earlier. They had been given several items from Alex's boss.  Dan finished work at 1 and we had a leisurely lunch on their screened in porch.  We discussed options for the afternoon and settled on a trip to Minnewaska State Park with its alpine lake.  We timed our walk perfectly because the mountain laurel was in bloom and scattered all over the hills.  The views of the lake and the Catskills in the distance were wonderful but I got a bit uneasy at the heights and the sharp drop off of the cliffs and rocks.  

We were able to make good on our Christmas gift to Dan and Alex of a dinner in a restaurant when we ate at Runa Bistro, a new French restaurant in New Paltz.  We had a great meal of appetizers, entrees, and desserts.   Afterwards, Dan and Jim decided there was still enough light in the sky to throw a frisbee--a real treat for Jim to do that with his son again.  We watched the 76ers beat the Hawks and then headed up to the newly furnished guest suite over the garage where we had a very comfortable night with a cool mountain breeze coming in the windows.  The only bad aspect of all that natural setting was the woodpecker that rudely awakened us at 5:52 am.  Fortunately he gave up after a few tries and we went back to sleep.  

We had breakfast on the porch again--eggs and kale freshly picked from their garden beds for Dan and Alex and me.  We left around shortly after 10 and were home before 12:30.  We were smart enough this time to get our cell phone map going before we left our hosts.  

Even with two good nights of sleep I felt weary when we got home. I think we are so unused to being with other people that 48 hours of sociability was wonderful but tiring.  So now it is back to our quiet routine but with great memories of the last few days! 

Making Travel Plans

 In the last week, we have had a meal in the bar at On the Border and we tried to eat a meal inside a McDonald's but were asked to leave because they had no dine-in option.  Our burgers and shakes tasted great even dining in our car. We went to a Dance Factory performance at the War Memorial Auditorium in Trenton and got to watch our grandson Michael dance up a storm in a tap number and a hip hip number.  So we are beginning to live in a more normal way still wearing masks but vaccinated and less fearful.

Now I am trying to make flight arrangements for Jim's annual convention in November and even to book our favorite Florida resort, Sunrise Resort, in St. Pete Beach for January 2022.  I am wondering how much I want to go along to Jim's convention.  I would like to hear his presidential address.  Maybe that needs to be my motivation.  He would like me to go along.   I am very unhappy with Texas and its allowing concealed guns without permits and its voter restriction policies. However, my personal boycott will not affect them much!   And when I think of how lovely San Antonio is and how warm it will be in late November, I don't really want to stay in Princeton.

These bookings are not going smoothly and I am feeling very stressed about making travel plans.  For the first time, I am thinking about booking travel insurance or going with refundable flights.  Life has been so uncertain thanks to Covid and our own health issues.   

I am waiting for call backs from United Airlines and from Sunrise Resort.  I was unable to book online because my password did not work.  Who knows why?  And Jim can't find any password for his United account.  I will wait to talk to an agent.  

------------------Plans made!  Clarification on numbers and a new password. I booked travel insurance for the resort.  I booked refundable tickets for the Florida trip but not for the San Antonio trip.  I hope rental cars will be available in Florida but if not, we can get along without one.  One more plan to be confirmed--some time in South Haven in September at our "home" there--301 225 North Shore Drive--with its beautiful view of Lake Michigan.  

My head is full of flyer numbers, passwords, flight times, and too many decisions.  But there will be lots to look forward to in the next several months.  

Strawberries

I really wanted freshly picked strawberries from a New Jersey farm, not Driscoll strawberries shipped from California  and purchased at McCaffrey's which often have the beginnings of mold on several berries.  It is strawberry season but I am not really into a you-pick stage of my life.   For that, one needs children or a picking partner and my partner in life is really not interested in picking berries.  He spent enough summers working in farm fields.  

But I really don't know the options for farm markets here in Princeton.   Terhune Farms looked like a possibility and they said they did have berries for sale.  However, my friend Peggy recommended Stults Farm.  I got her email enroute to Terhune Farms so I pulled off the road and and put Stults Farm into my Apple maps and headed in the opposite direction. Thanks goodness for Apple Maps as I went one mile down each of at least five different country roads.  Ridge Road to Shalk Crossing to Plainsboro Road to George Davison Road to Cranbury Neck Road. New Jersey is surprisingly rural.

I found the farm stand and got behind two gentlemen who were also buying berries.  I hoped they would not take the last one--because there were not many left.  So for $6.50 I left with my one precious box of beautiful red berries.

So this was my adventure for the day if not my solo adventure for the week.  In our retirement, Jim is the driver and I almost never go out on my own.   The problem is that when I do go out, I am uneasy about driving and finding places.  This makes me sad because I used to go into Chicago or New York City on my own and could manage trains and subways and hotels just fine as an independent woman.  Maybe this is just the way it is going to be as a woman of a certain age--or maybe I'll find my mojo again.  I do think the isolation resulting from the danger of Covid has had its effect on my life  and it's not just a matter of aging.  I hope. 

Our supper may not be the greatest tonight but there will be strawberry shortcake for dessert and that will be worth the effort.  

   

Brood X: The Cicadas in Princeton

Carcasses at
base of tree

 I first encountered the cicadas a week ago when I thought I was hearing a strange noise across the water at Lake Carnegie.  Then I unmistakenly heard them while practicing the organ at the Kingston Presbyterian Church.   We can hear them from inside our apartment but the sounds were not all that loud.  The assumption is that the ground here was disturbed in the last 17 years and thus the cicadas did not survive on our grounds. 

Last evening we went to Jeff and Susan's for a Memorial Day cookout. We got out of our car and were bombarded with the sound of cicadas.  Suddenly we could understand what people were writing about--many decibels of sound.  We walked to the deck where we could see some cicadas struggling for life.  Jeff and Susan had put up the awning so that we would not have them falling into our food!  Jeff said he had to shake them out of his shirt after mowing the lawn earlier this week. 

Clinging to life
on fence

This morning we sat outside PJ's Pancake House in Kingston to have breakfast with our friends, the Moorheads.  When trucks went by on Route 27, the sound of cicadas was drowned out.  Otherwise, our conversation may have been a bit louder than usual to make ourselves heard!

This is definitely a biological phenomenon worth recording and remembering.   Will we be around in 17 years for the next emergence?  Will we be aware of it if we are?  Who knows?  

-------------Saturday--We can hear the cicadas on CBS where they are filming the Memorial Champtionship Golf Tournament.  From Ohio somewhere.  

------------Sunday--Susan's post on Facebook.  

--------------a week later--There is a new two pitch sound that we are hearing.  The word on Facebook is that is the male's call.  It sounds like electrical wires sound.  I looked at the tree out of the yellow bedroom window and could see the little (not so little) critters jumping all over.  One got into the house yesterday--maybe on our clothes as we came in from outdoors.  We will check ourselves at the bottom of the steps from now on.  

June 14  The saga continues.  Our pastor mentioned during the livestream service that a cicada was joining him on the platform.  This morning Jim said he heard that two note sound and it sounded louder than usual.  It was.  The cicada was doing his mating call from Jim's back.  

June 30