A Walk Not Spoiled (by 18 holes of golf!)

This afternoon Jim is out golfing.  He has had difficulty in getting tee-times  since the courses opened again two weeks ago.   Tee times are set every 16 minutes instead of every ten and allow only two golfers per slot.  So he is happy to be out there. (Jim just came home after 14 holes and said they are allowing four golfers to a slot now--another sign that things are opening up in New Jersey during this pandemic.)

I knew I needed to get some exercise too but was feeling lazy and didn't want to take our usual walk down to the towpath.  So I walked down Mapleton Road until I saw an opening through the trees and followed a path through the field to the familiar bench next to the towpath.  I called my friend Sue--and chatted until my phone was almost out of power.

 Instead of walking home via the towpath, I retraced my steps.  I walked along the "farm to table" garden of Eno Terra, a high class restaurant in Kingston.   I knew this land must have been part of the historic Mapleton Nursery when I saw the row of red maples and their entangled trunks.  I didn't see any bluebirds in the bird houses in the field but I heard lots of songbirds as I walked.

I scared a deer in the woods but he scared me too!

 It was a lovely walk but my Fitbit says it was only about 3200 steps. Not enough even if I am warm and sweaty and a bit weary. I can take another walk later--our daily walk to get the mail in the clubhouse--about 1600 steps.  My goal is 7000. 

Feeling Useful

My friend Peggy, my walking partner, commented recently on how we all need to feel useful.  I know this is part of my melancholy lately--that it is hard to feel useful when one is so limited in this pandemic.  Plus living in a new place makes it hard to feel useful in the ways I did before--or when I was working.

In South Bend,  I was able to give to others through playing the organ.  I had really cut back on my playing but still played for special services and the 5th Sunday in the month.   I liked choosing music that was appropriate for the service and I knew it was appreciated.  Now, I can't even give to others by singing in the church choir and when we are back to normal, I may still hesitate to sing in an enclosed choir room--a known place for super infectors.

Because we knew everyone in our South Bend church, we were aware of others' joys and sorrows and could pass on and act on our concern.   I didn't bring meals or host large gatherings any more but could often find other ways of caring.   I can still send emails back to South Bend and have sent a few along here in Princeton but our circle of friends and acquaintances is greatly limited.

I have told myself that it is enough to do the essentials of laundry and meal planning and preparation.  Life is down to the basics these days. Yesterday's ordering of a take-out family meal of fajitas from On the Border was a highlight of the day-and we have two more meals out of one order left.

 I have emailed a few people in the last week to express my thanks for their contribution to my stay at home life.  I don't publicize this blog but know there are a few readers who enjoy it.  I do feel some sense of accomplishment when I write my musings.   At least it helps me organize my thoughts out of confusion and chaos and try to be positive and thankful.

Ruth in Laura's ribbon dress

We are heading to Laura's home in a few hours.  We opted to postpone our usual Saturday trip to the grocery store until Monday lest we pick up the virus just before heading to her family.  We can't and shouldn't go to Jeff's tomorrow or Monday lest we pick up something at Laura's and pass it on.   We don't stay home all the time but we do keep in mind social distancing.   Because the result is a pretty serious illness and we are all at risk.  We need to stay out of the hsoptial and off those scary ventilators.

--------------------------May 24  Sunday

Looking over the last few blogs, there is definitely a theme running through them of coping or not coping all that well with this time of pandemic and social distancing.   But last night, driving home from Laura's I felt some sense of peace--a moment to be treasured.  We had beautiful scared music ("With Heart and Voice") on my iphone and we were happy to have been with Laura's family.   Ruth who is a very loving child was wearing the ribbon dress I had saved from Laura's childhood.  I was touched that she wanted to do that for us.  Plus we were full from steaks that Michael had grilled and sides that Laura had prepared and a DQ ice cream cake that I bought to celebrate Jasper's birthday belatedly.  Little Henry is definitely the "family baby" that Laura hoped he would be.  The others all love to get in his face and get his big smiles in return.   Grandpa and I did too! 

A Trip to the Catskills

On Saturday we made our weekly run to McCaffrey's for groceries, unpacked them, and began our day trip to see Dan and Alexandra at their new home in the Catskills.   It was about a three hour trip heading up Route One and then the Garden State Parkway and I-87.  With about 30 miles to go of the 180 mile trip, we left the main highways.  We drove through Potter Hollow, a strip of houses right on the road, some of them derelict, and then turned off to Engle Road.  At that point, I was hoping we were following our Apple Maps correctly as the one lane road headed up and down the hill. At least it was paved although it was dirt beyond their place.  But...there was Dan sitting in his rocking chair on the porch, waving at us.

And there were the alpacas grazing across the street.   I keep thinking about the Wizard of Oz and how "We're not in Kansas anymore."  Well, Dan and Alex are not in Brooklyn any more--what a contrast.  I think two cars went down the road during our time with them--and Alex gave each one of them a friendly wave!   What a contrast to Flatbush Avenue and its emergency vehicles heading to the Brooklyn Hospital with sirens sounding.

Dan and Alex said that if they were going to leave the city, they wanted a big change, not just the suburbs.  This was a big change!  We could hear a rippling brook in the distance.   I got a whiff of llama every once in a while.   We saw goldfinches and hummingbirds visiting their new birdfeeder.  It was lovely and peaceful.

We spent a few hours drinking wine sitting on their porch.  The cabin dates to the 1890s and looks pretty rustic on the outside but is very lovely inside with nice furnishings, rugs and artwork. Their wifi is good so they can both work offsite for now; they didn't seem at all eager to get back to the city with its crowded elevators, communal laundries,  and busy sidewalks.

We wanted to get home before dark so we left a bit before five.   We stopped at a service area with a MacDonald's where social distancing was in effect. The bathroom sinks were set so you were six feet separated from your neighbor.  We were able to get a supper as long as we did take-out--and it was a feast of burgers and shakes.   There was some light left in the sky when we got home.  We were so glad we can now picture Dan and Alex in their surroundings.  They had showed us around via Zoom and Facetime but the real thing was lovelier. 

Mother's Day

I can't complain about celebrating Mother's Day during a pandemic because I really was able to celebrate it more this year than most other years in recent memory.  Yesterday we drove to Gladwyne, Pennsylvania to be with Laura's family for a few hours.  It was a feeling of freedom to drive down Route One and the Pennsylvania Turnpike--going farther from home than the grocery store!  We wore our masks much of the time and didn't do any hugging although we both held the baby for a while.

Laura served us a lovely cheese plate and a glass of wine and we enjoyed chatting with her and Michael and seeing five grandchildren ranging in ages from 4 months to almost 13.  Jim commented on how well they all seemed to be doing in spite of weeks of social isolation.   I guess I didn't expect any different but it is true that it is a long time to be at home and they all seemed in good spirits.   Baby Henry had such skinny little legs and arms when a newborn and now he is so beautifully chubby.   He smiles easily and makes lots of baby sounds and it is so good to be able to see him in person--even though we love the videos.

 Then today at Dan's request, we did a family Zoom hosted by Jeff.   Dan and Alex showed off their cabin (a six month lease) in the Catskills including the hummingbird feeder they are setting up and the alpacas next door.   They are very rural and really enjoying being out of New York City during this time of quarantine.   We hope to drive up to see them next weekend.

After our Zoom get-together, we drove to Jeff and Susan's for a cookout to celebrate Katie's Duke graduation.  Our plans for this weekend were to stay at a Doubletree near the RDU airport and attend the graduation but it was postponed; Katie has been home since Spring break.  Her belongings are still in her dorm room at Duke.   Susan had made one of her beautiful cakes and had the house decorated with blue and white Duke colors.   It was very nice but not the end to her college career that Katie would have wanted.  She will be at Princeton for the next several years doing a PhD in engineering so we will hope to be at her next graduation.

I am so thankful to have had three children especially because we began to think we would have just one as wonderful as he was!   And now our three children have wonderful spouses or partners--and there are eight grandchildren.   It is an amazing blessing.

 I often thought that I was not a super-Mom as a couple of my friends were who seemed to revel in every minute of parenthood.    I loved my children dearly but I was not always that good at playing with them or giving them total attention. I prized my solitude and used to think it would be the curse of my old age to have lots of solitude. (I do feel lonely at times but by no means cursed with solitude.)    I think I did find opportunities for my children to do enriching things and I encouraged their independence.  I am proud of each one of them and enjoy them greatly as adults.

I did have the sobering thought today however that I doubt we will make it to little Henry's college graduation--at age 96!  And if we do live that long, we will probably not be strong enough to travel.   My own mother never even lived long enough to meet any of her grandchildren.   My dad's second marriage gave our children a wonderful grandmother however.

 I have celebrated Mother's Day well and am very thankful for my children, my grandchildren, and their father and grandfather.  It was a good day.

I

At the Botttom of Maslow's Hierarchy

A former colleague posted Maslow's hierarchy on Facebook and I found it comforting.  I remember it from education courses and realizing how hard it would be for a student, child or adult, to learn if his or her basic needs were not met.   So these days, in our apartment, we are meeting our physiological and safety needs although they are threatened by empty grocery shelves and news full of Covid 19 stories and masked people everywhere and Jim's cancer diagnosis.  But friendship and self esteem and certainly self-actualization needs are not easily met these days.

Yesterday I never left the apartment.  Jim walked on sidewalks in the apartment complex but I find that boring and just didn't bother.   We did online church but that leaves something to be desired in fellowship and communal praise.   I did a load of laundry, made cauliflower soup and granola (not for the same meal!), and downloaded one more mystery (Lord Peter Wimsey) for my iphone Kindle app.  I looked forward for watching #3 and 4 of The Last Dance, a Michael Jordan show on ESPN, with Jim in the evening.  But when it came on, I was so irritated with the noise and fights and Dennis Rodman's piercings that I despaired and went into the bedroom to read.  All in all, I just didn't feel like I could find the resources in myself to make it a good day and it wasn't.  Plus a whole week of trying to exercise more and eat less left me weighing exactly what I weighed before.  I know others have it much harder than I do and I am so grateful that we are not sick and we can breathe and we are not on ventilators but I was just plain tired of the way we are having to live right now and I gave in to my mood and wept.

I want to see our families--so near now and yet so far because we can't bring any exposure to them nor they to us.  Plus I am worried about Jim's cancer and so hoping and praying it has been treated successfully.  And I am not in a position to help others right now as I have in the past--through teaching or music or volunteering at the library or just being a good neighbor or church member.

It does help to realize others are feeling the same way and that Maslow pictured it in a way that makes sense.  When will it end?  We don't know and it may be a while until we can put away those masks and hug our children and grandchildren.  Jim remembers my dad telling him that when he was a GI in Europe during WWII,  the hard part was not having an end goal.  He was there for a year and a half.  How hard that must have been for him and my mother.   And this is a war of sorts--a war against a virus and against the misinformation that comes from the highest levels of government, especially the White House.
Some states are reopening in part but if done too soon, the cycle will worsen.

It also helps me to write about it--and I so hope and pray that when I make my Blog2Print book at the end of the year, this will all be something that we can say, "Thank God that is over.  We are able to see each other again.  Jim's tests are reassuring.  Life is back to normal."

A Pandemic Birthday

It's my birthday and it has been an unusual birthday but full of joyful moments anyway.  I woke up to  texts from my sister Lois and my friend Sue VanEngen>  Sue wished me a day in which I felt showered with love from family and friends.  And I did with several texts including some from my grandchildren and emails from friends and calls later from Lois and Sue.  Plus there was a handwritten note on my breakfast setting from Jim with instructions to get myself something special.  So I ordered Stitch Fix again.

I went for an early morning walk and one later in the day--both accompanied by Laura's Best of Both Worlds podcast in which she interviewed Jen Hatmaker.  The afternoon walk turned out to be lovely but threatening as the dark storm clouds let loose with strong winds, thunder and rain.  I actually called Jim to get me but got home by the time the garage door was opening.  I was very wet!

 The Women's Bible Study in South Bend had a zoom meeting this morning and  I was invited to join.  Jim zoom-bombed and told them it was my birthday. It was a great birthday treat--to see my good friends, my young friends, back "home." 


We ordered dinner from Romeo's in Plainsboro.   It was OK--not as good as last week's pizza and not as good as my own lasagna--but it was put in front of me without any work!   We had ice cream cake for dessert which is always wonderful.   I have been trying to cut out ice cream, crackers and cheese, chips, etc. but treated myself today.  I'll go for one more walk to get my 7500 steps--and do our stairs 3 more times.   

Jeff and Susan sent me some gorgeous flowers.   We might watch a video tonight--last night was Lark Rise to Candleford which was fun.  

I am doing the Isolation Retreat from Sacred Space and this is how it ended today--a good reminder for me.  

Above all, help me to know that I stay connected to you at all times and that I only need to pause, breathe and pray to become deeply aware of this.

So I do feel loved and appreciated tonight.  It has been a good day in spite of being unable to do our usual birthday dinner in a restaurant or to be able to share it with more of our family members.

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And a Facetime with Dan and Alex with a planned "birthday party" next weekend when they are in their rental in upstate New York.

Binge Reading

Some friends binge on TV series.  We don't have Netflix or Hulu  although we do have Amazon prime.    But we have yet to binge on videos.  However, in this season of social isolation and sheltering in place, I binged on a British mystery series Lord and Lady Hetheridge.

I got hooked when I saw an offer for Ice Blue for free or was it 99 cents?   The London location was fun with police procedurals featuring Scotland Yard.  Kate, the young detective, was pretty feisty and Tony, also known as Chief or guv or Lord Hetheridge, was kind and handsome and elegant.  A romance developed and it was the romance that lured me into buying the next four books for my Kindle app.  At this point, as was a foregone conclusion by the name of the series, Tony and Kate are married and they are Lord and Lady Hetheridge.   But the earlier issues continue as they care for Ritchie and Henry, Kate's brother and nephew, and deal with her mother and sister.   Then there is the sidekick Detective Deepal Bhar who has many skills but manages to get into trouble. And the nemesis at Scotland Yard Detective Jackson who in the last volume is beginning to redeem himself.  And the horrible villain Duncan Godington  who to my great relief meets his demise in Book Five so we don't have to deal with him in Book Six--I hope!

The books are billed as "cozy mysteries."  They are not.  The murders are pretty gruesome and Book Five ends with a hold your breath climax.   But the romance is sweet and the family issues realistic.

So each day I read one more book and then splurge on another $3.99 for the next volume.  Today it will be Book Six Blue Christmas and then I will have to wait for Emma Jameson to write Book Seven.   Meanwhile, I have been given the gift of hours of escape and entertainment during this time of Covid 19 staying at home and it has been fun.

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I found Emma Jameson on Facebook and there was an email for contacting her so I did to thank her for her help in givng me some fun this week.  This was her reply:

Thank you so much for letting me know you enjoyed the books. I really appreciate it. I'm working on Dr. Bones right now-- Friendship May Be Fatal--and then I'll be on to Hetheridge #7, which will probably be called Untrue Blue. 

Now I'll hop over and check out your blog. Have a lovely week, and be well!

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So I am quite pleased that I have advance notice of the name of the next book! Plus glad that I could thank an author for her hard work.